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Something you need to know about Stephen Knope Wyatt is as soon as he figures out what Thanksgiving is and what being dramatic is, he decides to announce something dramatically every Thanksgiving thank you for reading and acknowledging my perfect son. 

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The which The Good Place character are you quizzes that are like You’re Eleanor like yeah no shit

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Thanksgiving 2020

“I am thankful for our President elect, who is also my best friend, Kirsten,” Leslie said, raising her glass at the table. The others followed suit, including the triplets and their friends at the kids table with their cups of juice.

“I am thankful this cranberry dip,” Ben said, talking another bite from his plate. He turned to the woman who brought the dip to the Knope Wyatts. “Gayle, how do you do it? Also, why are you...ow.” Ben looked to his left at Leslie, who had kicked him underneath the table. “It’s good. Good stuff.”

“I’m thankful for Harry Potter and dinosaurs,” Westley said, filling in the silence.

“I’m thankful for mommy and unicorns,” Sonia said, with a mouthful of turkey. Stephen stood up and coughed, so he could get more of the adults attentions.

“I’m thankful the car didn’t catch fire.” Stephen sat down and added “and for cookies.”

“The what?” Ben asked.

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I missed this

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it’S nOt OkaY to seXuaLiZe cHiLd actOrS aND chaRAcTEEEEERRRRRSSS

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Te amo, Mami

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Thanksgiving 2016

“Here you go, mommy,” Sonia said, waving the piece of paper she was clutching in her hands as soon as Leslie walked into the living room. The triplets were drawing as Leslie and Ben packed for their family’s Thanksgiving visit to Minnesota. Leslie sat down on the couch and took the paper from her daughter.

“This is beautiful Soso,” Leslie said, instinctively, as she did when one of the kids handed her a drawing. Sonia hopped up on the couch and pointed at a yellow blob in the center of the drawing. “That is a pretty sun.”

“It’s not a sun, it’s a shooting blaster from daddy’s Star Wars movies,” Sonia explained. “For when you’re mommy President.”

“Why does the President need a blaster?” Ben asked, overhearing the conversation.

“For fighting doo doo head pesident,” Sonia explained, acting as if it was very obvious.

“Well, when mommy’s president, doo doo head president will be long gone,” Leslie said, wrapping her arm around Sonia to give her a hug. It was one of the million Leslie had given Sonia and her brothers in the last few weeks.

“And Wesie goes down the toilet,” Sonia said, pointing at more of her scribbles. Westley, still coloring his own picture ignored his sister.

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Thanksgiving 2015

“Sonia said her first word the other day,” Ben said, passing a bowl of stuffing to Marlene as he recounted the story with pride. “It was dad, not even dada, and she said it in the cutest way, daaad, like that. One year old and she’s mastered sarcasm. So cute.”

“Yes, so cute,” Leslie said, unconvincingly as she looked at her daughter, currently eating peas with both hands in one of the three high chairs set around the table. “And Westley said calzone, apparently a few weeks ago.” 

“Someone’s a little jealous,” Ben and Marlene both whispered to each other and giggled. Leslie glared at them.

“I don’t love this. You guys, sitting next to each other,” Leslie said, taking a sip of her wine. “Definitely moving things around next year.”

“I’m sure Stephen’s first word will be mama,” Marlene reassured Leslie. She turned to Ben and asked, “Did you know what Leslie’s first word was?”

“It was waffle, I bet.”

“Actually, it was,” Marlene stopped to giggle, “It was the word shit. Robert and I tried not to act like we loved it.” She and Ben both broke into more laughter. “It’s just so funny to hear a baby saying the word shit.”

“Shit!” one of the boys from his high chair repeated, beaming at his Gram Gram. All three adults looked at baby Stephen, who repeated the word proud to have an audience. 

“Just like me,” Leslie said with a smile. 

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I did not think I would be sobbing after another Will and Grace but here we are

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And now I know…that only love can truly save the world.

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Just a heads up right now: on the day when Trump dies, I’m going to be extremely tasteless about it. It’s going to get ugly. You are going to see a side of me I am not proud of. I don’t want any call-outs in my inbox, I’m stating right now that lines will be crossed.

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We should be more pro-active or we’ll see more of such sad fates of honest people.

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Thanksgiving 2014

“Enjoy it now, Stephen, this is your only chance to be an only child,” Ben said, carefully lifting his son from his crib, the first of the triplets Ben and Leslie could take home from the hospital. Ben carefully walked him over to where Leslie sat, frowning at the laptop on their kitchen table. 

“Oh my gosh, Leslie, he has my finger,” Ben said, as Stephen’s hand wrapped around Ben’s finger. 

“I know, I think he has my toes though,” Leslie said, not looking up from her screen. Behind it sat the now empty containers of food Gayle and Jerry dropped off for their Thanksgiving dinner. 

“What?” Ben asked, confused.

“Unbelievable!” Leslie said, “I was betrayed by my best friend.” 

“Oh no, what did Ann do?” Ben sat down next to Leslie, peering at her computer. He handed Stephen over to Leslie, the baby already seemed to smile at her. “Ron quit?”

“To form his own company. He didn’t tell any of us, what a jerk, yes he is,” Leslie said, cooing at her son. She wiggled his toes, on his stupid one inch feet and fat fat thighs such poor design. She picked up a bottle from the table and started feeding him. 

“Is there any cranberry dip left?” Ben scanned the table and picked up a half empty bowl. “Gayle is an amazing chef. And Jerry is married to her. How.”

“Ben, can we focus? The parks department is,” Leslie said, waving her hand over the website listing Ron’s new business. 

“I know, but you don’t even work there anymore, Leslie. You run a much bigger parks department.”

“I know.”

“And in a few days Ann will be in town and both of you will be seeing Wild in the theater and Obama is president.”

“I know.” Leslie’s face brightened, “And when Ann gets here we can take her and Oliver to the hospital to meet Oliver’s future wife Sonia and, you know, the other one.”

“We really need to name that third kid,” Ben said.

“Yeah.”

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All I Want for Christmas Is You | Mariah Carey

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The Ghost Ball of Pawnee

Happy Halloween little pumpkins!! Please enjoy this very AU drabble I wrote in which Leslie and Ben are both spooky ghosts.

Also on ao3.

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Ben never really understood why they served food at these events.

No one could eat it, really it was just kind of pathetic. It was just a waste. And it made Ben miss being able to taste food. What he’d give to be able to have another bite of a calzone and be able to taste the delicacy of the seasoned meat.

He was at the Annual Pawnee Ghost Ball. A party that took place just two days before Halloween. All ghosts were usually busy that day, so it made sense to get together a few days before.

It wasn’t really Ben’s scene. He’d much rather stay at his place in the Pawnee Super Suites that he haunted. Despite doing it every day for the past four years, it was better than this. People would talk about how they died, there was always a lot of fuss when the ghost of Lil Sebastian turned up, and then someone would always think it was funny and put on the Ghostbusters theme.

Still, Ben came. It was good to see some people again. He got to see Ray, the guy who ran the old sandwich shop that was close by his work.

But, this time, someone caught his eye. A lonely woman was standing in the corner, looking around her surroundings.

She must be new, a recent death. Ben didn’t see her last year. He’d remember her for sure.

He walked over to her, grabbing a glass of champagne on his way. He couldn’t drink it, no one here could, but it just gave his hands something to do.

“You new?” Ben asked as he approached the woman. She turned around, a glass of champagne in her own hands.

“Yeah. First time at this,” she sighed. A strand of hair moving as she sighed. Ben was sure it would have been blonde, despite her hair now the ghostly grey that adorned everyone here. That was the ghost fashion. Grey and see-through.

Ben looked down at the glass, wishing he could drink some to pass this awkward silence. “Do you know anyone here?” he finally asked.

“No,” the woman mumbled.

“Well, I’m Ben,” he said, giving her an awkward wave with his free hand. “There, you know someone now.”

The woman giggled. “I’m Leslie.”

She bit her lip. Ben was sure they’d be a rosy red too. “How…I mean, I don’t know if this is something that people talk about here but-”

“How did I die?” Ben finished for her. “It’s ok. I don’t mind talking about it, some people get sensitive about it though, I don’t.”

He set the glass down and stuffed his hands in his pockets instead. “It’s so stupid. I was trying to get some documents signed and was in a hurry, I was running across town to get them done in time, and I called over my shoulder to tell my notary, Terry, to hurry up when…” he trailed off and chuckled. “A piano fell on me.”

Leslie snorted. “A piano fell on you?”

Ben nodded. “Yep. It was being craned up into a new concert hall that was being built and…fell. It’s really something that only happens in movies, but I guess I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

It was laughable now. It had been four years since he died, and really, it was just fitting for someone like him to have such a lame ending. Of course it had to be in some weird, notary hell, incident.

Leslie also sat her glass down. “Mine’s stupid too. I wasn’t looking where I was going. I was chasing down a councilman to ask him why he cut our department budget and I fell into an uncovered manhole.”

Ben winced. “Ouch. That sucks.”

“I didn’t feel anything,” Leslie quickly said. “It was ok. All I remember is just watching a load of people gathering around and screaming that someone fell in. Then I realised that person was me.”

Ben slowly nodded. He remembered looking around, wondering what poor son of a bitch just got crushed by that piano. Only to see the documents he was previously holding clamped in the hand of the crushed body.

That was when he realised it was the poor son of a bitch.

He had been in denial, and snatched the documents from his mangled hand and tried to deliver them to City Hall.

Everyone ignored him. Of course they did. He was a ghost after all.

“And where are you now?” Ben asked.

Every ghost was assigned a certain area to haunt. Ben was assigned room 304 in the Pawnee Super Suites. He had fun turning the TV on in the middle of the night and watching the room’s guest scream in fear. He had to haunt, some ghosts didn’t like to haunt and would stay dormant, but he’d go insane if he didn’t.

“The fourth floor of City Hall,” Leslie answered. Ben smirked. The fourth floor was always haunted, with lights flickering and it always feeling like someone was following you if you were alone.”

“It was previously held by a ghost called Henry, but he got promoted to graveyard haunter, so I got his old position. It’s nice being back on home turf,” Leslie said. “I used to be the deputy director of the Parks Department, y’know, before.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. Before he died he was the City Manager of Pawnee. She must’ve been hired just after his death. He didn’t remember her, that was for sure.

Considering she died chasing a councilman, he knew he’d definitely remember her.

The room was suddenly filled with the sounds of Ray Parker Jr, closely followed by a loud cheer. Ben groaned.

“Every year,” he mumbled, and Leslie cackled. It was a laugh that made her nose scrunch up. Ben suddenly had the urge to wrap his arm around her.

If only he could touch her… his arm would just go right through her.

It hurt knowing that. For the first time in four years he felt something, an emotion he couldn’t quite remember. A pang in his chest at the thought of not being able to ever hold this woman in his arms, or kiss her.

He shook his head, ridding himself of those thoughts. He was a spooky ghost. He haunted people. Ghosts aren’t supposed to develop feelings.

“I used to work in City Hall,” Ben said. “I’m very familiar with Henry’s work, you’ve got some big, scary boots to fill.”

Leslie grinned. “I’m sure I’ll do a good job. I have big plans.”

Ben smiled back. “I’m glad.”

He swallowed. “Hey, do you want to get out of here? We could go to Nipple Hill and scare some teenagers?”

Leslie nodded. “That sounds – hold up. IS THAT LIL SEBASTIAN?”

Ben turned around to see that, sure enough, the miniature horse had turned up. Leslie bolted towards him, squealing in excitement.

It just made him want to pull her into his arms and cuddle her even more. But, he’d just have to cope with her being his scaring partner.