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wHat kinda dark games you tryna play with me bro ?? good bye
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OH and another reason: he’s probably with that hoe right now. Lmfao. Talkin bout “I almost said I love you” no you don’t
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4/23/19- I need to make sure that no matter what happens I cannot get back together with him this semester or over the summer. Maybe next semester IF HE COMES BACK I'll reconsider but I really don’t think he’s coming back.
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I think I know why I am so obsessed with him and I need to get over it.
1. He’s really not clean and once I saw a nail clipped on the floor and that was really gross.
2. He has these weird bruises and scabs all over his body and it’s kind of weird.
3. He has this ugly ass long ass hair
4. He’s not even THAT religious
5. The dude was so fucking confusing about sex/sexual stuff. Like OTPHJ only. How sad
6. He fucking abused me to his advantage lol. He would always ask to hang out only in the late nights and that took a toll on my academics. Like why?
7. Inconsistent AF!
8. Really depressed dude. And I’m depressed too so it would never work out
9. I gave 95% and he literally gave 5%
10. A freak. Doesn’t even drink/smoke/juul/party whatsoever
11. A poser. Favorite artist is Travis? Come on.
12. Tried to say I was cheating LOL!!! The bitch KNOWS I didn’t cheat.
13. Always plays victim
14. Really emotionally scarred. Would’ve taken him like 4 years to let me in. Not worth it
15. Fucking complicated. He would be so nice and communicative one day and drop off the face of the earth the next.
16. Emotionally draining. I’ve cried over him 3 times like a baby (God what was I thinking??). He’s accused me, we’ve fought, etc.
17. This inconsistency has caused me to be obsessed with him. It’s like I can’t get him and since I tend to get what I want (because I work hard for it duh) it’s almost like this game to get him.
18. Lowkey I think the loss of him (like him leaving) is one of the triggers of my depression.
19. He wasn’t helpful at all with my shit. Didn’t let me get into Bclub, even though I said my brother would be willing to talk he didn’t say shit, etc.
20. Didn’t text me back for weeks on end!!
21. Never wants to FaceTime or call.
22. Never told a single soul about me. Lmao.
23. Liar liar liar. Lied about that other bitch, lied about sleeping, etc.
24. A flake. Would say “let’s hang” and then say “fell asleep sorry” the next day
25. I can’t think of any right now and I need to go to work but he just caused a lot of pain in my life this semester that I DID NOT need. What a fag.
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3/19- a big FUCK YOU to you because you seriously are so fucking complicated!!!!!! I let every shitty thing you did slide because I labeled it as your “depression” and that you definitely still “cared about me”... no... you absolutely did not and I cannot emphasize how much I fucking hate you. if I ever see you I'm giving you the best glare. you’re just rude and you never cared about me. you cared about everyone else, just not me.
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3/18- and now I CRINGE at those posts!!! I hate you with a PASSION. YOU ARE SUCH an egotistical little bitch and seriously you put on this front that you are very nice but actually you’re just a dick. Which is worse, because you don’t own up to your dickness. You think guys who are dicks are just people who fuck you over after you’ve had sex? No sir. You’re the real dick because you mentally fucked me over and left me here to rot and for you to go have fun once you were done with me because all you wanted me to be was your emotional fucking cushion. At least other guys have the guts to say up front that they just want to hook up. And why the fuck did you need an emotional cushion in the first place? You’re so gay. Fuck you.
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moving on
2/28/19- I don’t know what I did wrong. I’m texting you like a pathetic loser, and it’s not in The Royals sweet kind of way, when Princess Eleanor texts him so much because Jasper had to give her up because he was being blackmailed. No, it’s the way where I look crazy and lonely and stupid and needy. I am none of those things. When I was at Stuart, I began my depression healing process and found self-love. I found self-worth, I found self-motivation, I found a way to center myself. And then you came along. You fucked up my sleep schedule first of all, because we always hung out late late late at night. YOU entered my life first, pressing me first. I gladly obliged, arms open, because I thought you’d never hurt me. But you did. You hurt me so much. And I just don’t understand how you can’t feel the same way. Did you ever have feelings for me? Did you ever even care for me? What is this thing with your depression? When I had depression I would have jumped at the fact that someone was interested in me, in loving me, in being with me. You, you say you can’t receive affection and love… you just don’t want to receive it from me. But why? Am I a bad person? I didn’t mean to talk about Graham in that way, I don’t even remember saying it. You never gave me a chance to explain. I am so lost, so hurt and betrayed because I thought that you could NEVER hurt me. I broke it off, thinking that it would be better for me in the long run, because you gave me priority lower than the cleanliness (and scent of, frankly) of your room. Am I seriously not that enough? I could never understand you, because you were so inconsistent. And since I know a few things about boys, I knew that inconsistency is one of the red flags that means that a boy doesn’t like you. But I slapped each wound that you scarred me with from your inconsistencies with the label of depression. Were you really that depressed? I’m sorry for even questioning this, but you seem to be so happy with your friends and everyone else. And now, since I am a pathetic loser and I follow my heart rather than my brain, I’m going to text you. I’m going to text you for the 7th time without you responding, and it’s going to look great on me. These days it’s always me texting you paragraphs.
3/5/19- But now, it’s time for me to move on. I don’t know how I’m gonna move on yet, but this is me saying that I’m officially moving on. When I said that I still like you and want to get back together, you said, “lemme think gimme a few minutes” and never got back to me about it. When I questioned you again later, you said “idk yet”. What kind of answer is that? I don’t want to believe this because I don’t believe that you are this much of a beta bitch, but are you really too much of a weakling to just simply say, “I don’t like you anymore. I don’t want to get back together, but we can still be friends”. Do you think I can’t handle that? Do you really think I’m that weak to not be able to handle it? Because guess what, I’m not weak at all. I’m moving on. My plan, I hope, is just to distract myself. Distract myself with boys, booze, schoolwork, my friends from all over the place, shopping, working out, eating well, getting better, etc. And most importantly, not texting you at all. Of course, I’ll still snap you from time to time but that will fade eventually as well. I’m also going to stop checking your social media and seeing what you’ve liked, who you’ve followed, etc. because that is just way too toxic and crazy. I used to be crazy for you. Now I’m just done with you. I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to give me an answer. I’m moving on. And while I do hope you give me a “yes, I want to be with you” and right now every single bone in me would say “let’s get back together”, I know that I need to fight every single bone in my body and tell you that I’ve moved on. I honestly think that I truly was in love with you. But you showed no interest in loving me at all. What was I to you? Your emotional cushion? Your plaything? You didn’t even do anything remotely sexual with me! From you, I’ve truly realized that I am an extremely emotional being and will pretty much fall for anyone that shows me the slightest bit of attention, and I am working on fixing that. So, I don’t hate you. I thank you for showing me that I am capable of much more and for giving me the opportunity to learn about myself and fix things myself because that is the way I work. You clearly have problems, but they were never intentionally drafted towards me. In all regards, this is me moving on and saying goodbye to whatever we had in the past. I wish you all the luck and hope we stay friends. I will miss your sweet southern accent, the amazing, earth-shattering, butterflies-in-your-stomach kisses we shared, and your brilliant brain.
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Safe food list
Apple - 60 cal Almond milk (cup) - 60 cal Asparagus (cup) - 27 cal Baby bel cheese - 60 cal Blueberries (½ cup) - 40 cal Broccoli (cup) -45 cal Cabbage (cup) - 15 cal Cauliflower (cup) - 30 cal Carrots (cup) -50 cal Celery (cup) - 20 cal Cinnamon (tbsp) - 19 cal Cucumber (cup) - 16 cal Egg - 74 cal Grapes (10) - 40 cal Grapefruit (½ fruit) - 45 cal Kiwi - 45 cal Lemon - 17 cal Lettuce (cup)- 5 cal Mushrooms (cup) - 20 cal Mustard (tbsp)- 10 cal Orange - 45 cal Onion (cup) - 40 cal Peach - 35 cal Peanut butter (tsp) - 31 cal Peppers (cup) - 60 cal Pickle (½ cup) - 7 cal Pineapple (½ cup) - 41 cal Plum - 35 cal Potato (½ cup) - 60 cal Spinach (cup) - 10 cal Strawberries (cup) - 45 cal Watermelon (cup) - 46 cal
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