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waitimcomingtoo · 24 days ago

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But I Always Will

Pairing: Tom Holland x ex!singer!reader

Synopsis: You and Tom meet again a year after your breakup and he helps you with a song

Masterlist

lyrics from:

“I had a dream about you.”

“Yeah? Tell me about it.” You smiled as you rolled over in the bed to face him. The covers were pulled over both your heads but the need to breathe wasn’t pressing enough to make you come out.

“She was just like you.” Tom replied. “But this version of you was still with me. I asked her to marry me and she said yes.”

“Then it was definitely just a dream. Cause you never asked me.” You smiled teasingly as rested your hand on his cheek.

“Will I ever get the chance to make things right?” Tom asked as he put his hand over yours.

“I don’t know. Will you?”

“What if I don’t get to? What if our eyes never meet again?”

“But what if they did?” You asked calmly. “Will you make things right?”

“What if I can’t?” He worried. “What if I don’t know how?”

“You know.” You said as your body was pulled backwards vanished into the bedsheets and out of his sight.

Tom woke up for real that time with the same frown he always had on these days. He shut the alarm off on his phone and opened up Instagram. He scrolled through your pictures and sighed when he found nothing new posted since last time he checked, a mere 6 hours ago. He sat up and rubbed his tired eyes before grabbing your little leather notebook off his dresser. He thumbed through the pages before landing on the one he checked each day. He ran his fingers over the lines you had written on it, knowing it was the closest he’d ever come to touching you again.

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna release some songs about me without ever telling me how you feel? That’s how we communicate now?” Tom asked as he slammed your notebook down on the kitchen counter. You jumped at his voice and timidly put your book down. Tom had expected you to match his anger and yell back but you just looked at him with genuine confusion.

“I was never gonna release them.” You said quietly. Tom blinked in surprise at your tone but didn’t let up on his anger.

“Then why did you write them?” He demanded.

“Because I needed somewhere to vent my feelings.” You said calmly.

“So instead of talking to me about how you feel, you write a full blown chorus about how unhappy you are with me?” He shouted back.

“Talk to you?” You asked. “Tom, there is no talking to you anymore. You just yell. Or snap at me and then go to bed early to avoid an actual conversation.”

“I don’t do that.” He scoffed.

“You’re yelling right now. Do you even realize that?” You genuinely asked him. Tom felt his face heat up in embarrassment when he realized he was in fact yelling.

“Don’t change the subject. You wrote terrible things about me in your notebook.”

“And you read my notebook.” You said as you stood up. “The one thing I asked you not to do.”

“It…it was open.” Tom’s anger slowly deflated when he realized he’d crossed a line you made pretty clear early on he was not allowed to cross.

“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you read it. You knew how personal my songs are to me. How am I supposed to trust you now?“ You mostly asked yourself as you slumped back into your seat.

“How am I supposed to trust you?” He asked back. “Everyday, you tell me that everything is fine between us. I should not have had to read your notebook to find out how unhappy you are.”

“Then I guess we can’t trust each other.” You shrugged in defeat.

“I guess we can’t.” He snapped back. You looked at each other for a long time until the silence became unbearable.

“Then what are we doing here, Tom?”

Tom abruptly shut the notebook and wiped the tears from his face. He didn’t like to relive the break up, just the moments leading up. He analyzed that final conversation everyday to try and mine new information about what went wrong. Your relationship had dwindled so fast near the end that he didn’t know what to tell people when they asked him why you weren’t together anymore. Everyone thought you were heading for marriage, including him. But the pressure of knowing everyone was expecting him to make a lifelong commitment ate away at him and made him distant. He didn’t realize how much distance he had put between you until he found himself single for the first time in five years with a bad habit of reading the notebook you’d left behind every morning. You’d taken everything else of yours when you moved out but left that behind, and Tom kept it as crucial evidence that he almost had it all.

After many hours of doing nothing productive, Tom went for a walk around his neighborhood. The sun was just beginning to set and the cold London air was biting him as he walked past the shops you used to frequent together. He walked by a small venue and stopped in his tracks when he noticed something in his peripheral vision. He took a few steps back and sure enough, your face was on a poster under the words “surprise performance by”. Just as his eyes read the date of the performance, he heard a voice behind him.

“Tom?”

And suddenly, your eyes met. He nearly knocked himself over from turning around so fast but caught himself. You chuckled slightly at his movement while he just stared at you in disbelief. You were standing in front of him for the first time in so long in your coat and guitar slung over your shoulder. He almost reached out to touch you to make sure you weren’t in his imagination.

“Hi.” He managed to get out when he realized he’d been silent.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him, but you didn’t sound unhappy about his presence.

“I’m so sorry, darling. I didn’t know you were performing here tonight. I didn’t even know you were in town. I was just walking and saw your face so I had to stop. And now I’m looking at your actual face and I’m not entirely sure I’m awake.”

“You’re awake.” You laughed dryly. “And if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were stalking me. This is my first gig in London in a year and you just happen to stumble across my poster? Sounds pretty suspect to me.”

“I’m so sorry. I swear, I didn’t know you were here.” He stammered. “You hadn’t posted about it or anything. If I had known you’d be here, I never would’ve walked by. I’m not stalking you.”

“I don’t know. Sounds like something a stalker would say.” You clicked your tongue. It took Tom a full minute to realize you were messing with him.

“You’re joking.” He said with a half smile.

“I am.” You replied. “I’m also freezing. Do you want to come to my dressing room and talk? I have a minute before I need to start getting ready.”

“Really? You’d let me?” He asked in disbelief.

“Always have time for a fan. How often do you check my Instagram, by the way? I’m assuming pretty often if you knew I hadn’t posted about this show.” You teased him as you led him into the venue and upstairs to your dressing room. Tom was still not fully convinced he wasn’t dreaming, especially given your lax attitude toward him. It was a sharp contrast from the last time you’d spoken, which involved tears and slamming doors.

You reached the dressing room and dropped your guitar down on the couch. Tom stood awkwardly near the door in case you remembered that you hated him and ordered him to leave. Now that the two of you were alone in a closed room, you felt the initial shock of seeing Tom again after a year wear off. The vulnerability you’d been trying to mask by teasing him was aching to show, but you did your best to hide it. You kept your back to him so he wouldn’t see you weren’t as calm and collected as you appeared. You were freaking out as much as he was but he didn’t need to know that.

“I never even thought I’d see you again.” Tom admitted and felt tears threaten to well up in his eyes. You knew him well enough to hear in his voice that he was getting emotional.

“Did you want to see me again?” You asked without turning around. All the playfulness was gone from your voice and you were just as fragile as he was.

“Are you kidding me? I would’ve given anything at any moment just for us to ride in the same elevator one more time.” He replied, making you laugh slightly even though that wasn’t his intention.

“I always imagined we’d met again.” You told him. “But in ten years or something at that ice cream shop we liked. The one with the spoons that change color. And we’d catch up and do an awkward half hug and then never go back to that shop.”

Tom smiled slightly but cast his eyes down at the floor. Even though he should probably know this after a year, you just confirmed to him you hadn’t considered getting back together.

“If we ever had met again, I wouldn’t have expected you to be nice to me.” He said without looking up.

“Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”

“I don’t know. I guess I should’ve known you didn’t have it in your nature to be mean to anyone. But I thought you’d hate me. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you walked right by me down there and pretended you didn’t know who I was.”

“I could never do that.” You said quietly. “I know you too well to pretend not to.”

A silence filled the room that wasn’t comfortable but wasn’t unwelcome either. You both looked anywhere but at each other, unsure if you should get into the breakup, the year apart, and the unexpected meet up now, or if you should just play it friendly and then go your separate ways.

“So, um, how have you been? Still dating that American bloke with the funny name?” Tom asked and tried to put off that he couldn’t care less about the answer when there was nothing that mattered more.

“Who told you about that?” You laughed curiously.

“Twitter. Or whatever it’s called now. I might’ve seen some pictures.”

“Wow. You really are stalking me.” You pretended to gasp and he felt his face heat up.

“I’m not. I just saw it when it was trending. Where did you meet him anyway? He didn’t seem like your type.”

“LA. He produced one of my songs.” You replied. Your tone was light, which surprised him. He was still anxiously anticipating a screaming fight like the last time you’d spoken.

“I think I heard that one. It was about some foolish lad breaking your heart, wasn’t it?” He teased, making you laugh lightly.

“Yeah. Something like that.” You told him. He caught your eye that time and held your gaze for a moment. It took everything in him not to let it show how much it was killing him to know you’d moved on.

“So, uh, the poster outside said you were going to play some unreleased songs tonight. Does that mean you’re working on an album?” He asked to change the conversation before he dropped to his knees and begged for you to give him another chance. Part of you appreciated the inquiry but part of you was being driven insane by this superficial and overly polite conversation.

“Thanks for asking. I am, actually. I need one more song to close my album out but I’ve never been more stuck. Everything I write is garbage.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. You’re the best songwriter I know.”

“Oh yeah? And how many do you know?”

“Just you.” He admitted. “But no one’s better. No one can write like you can. You’re incomparable.”

“Well, I don’t agree with you, but I do appreciate the compliment. My label hasn’t been happy with the songs I’ve been submitting so it’s nice to hear some reassurance.”

“How could they not be happy with them?” He wondered. “You’ve never written a bad song.”

“They think my latest submissions have been too fluffy and generic.” You told him. “They want me to be more authentic and write about what I’ve been through. But it’s hard, you know? It’s like giving your diary away to strangers.”

“But you’ve always been authentic.” Tom defended you. “That’s what you’re known for. Your love songs are some of the best of all time. Everyone says so.”

“But that’s the thing. I’m not in a place in my life where I can write love songs. My relationship ended and I haven’t been able to write a decent song since. I’m worried I can’t do it and that I’m gonna let everyone down.” You sighed and sat down on the couch. Tom flexed his hand a few times before sitting on the couch beside you. It was the closest you’d been to each other in over a year and he was feeling electric.

“I know you can do it.” He said in a soft voice. “No one is like you. You wouldn’t be where you are if you didn’t have an ability to write about love like no one else can. Even if it’s the bad side of love. So don’t go doubting yourself now.”

“Harry told me you and him and have been working on a script. Maybe you could give me some writing tips?” You smiled teasingly at him to avoid thanking him for the compliment.

“We have but I wouldn’t be any help to you. You were always the better writer. You were the better everything.”

“Maybe. But I could never quite cook like you could.”

“No, darling. That is the one feat you have yet to master.” He chuckled. “As soon as you learn to follow a recipe, you’ll take over the world with that brilliant mind. I’m sure of it.”

“Recipes are just suggestions.” You shrugged.

“That are highly encouraged for you to follow.”

“For you to follow. Some of us prefer to get creative in the kitchen.”

“Is that why your muffins never rose and your cake tasted like scrambled eggs?” He asked, making you narrow your eyes at him playfully.

“I never heard you complaining about having to eat my cake before.” You said and held your hands up in defense. You both went quiet for a moment and you felt your face heat up.

“That sounded more sexual than I intended.” You mumbled.

“Tell you what. How about you show me what you have written so far and I can give you honest feedback? I’m not your boyfriend anymore so I don’t have to lie and tell you I like it if I don’t.“ Tom suggested as he handed you your guitar.

“Did you used to lie to me and tell me you liked songs when you didn’t?” You asked pointedly as you rested your guitar on your knee.

“No.” Tom said as he eyes darted to the side.

“You’re such a liar.” You rolled your eyes at him. “I know you never liked that song about the bikes. You better be honest about this one.”

You started to strum the melody on your guitar but suddenly felt overwhelming shyness that forced you to stop playing. You hadn’t sung for him in well over a year and he was about to hear a song that was undeniably about him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked when he sensed your hesitation.

“I don’t know if I can play it. It’s rubbish right now.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. And the 19 drafts of lyrics in my trash can.”

“Just show me what you have so far.” He asked in a voice so gentle you almost took him back right then and there.

“Okay. But you can’t laugh. Or make eye contact with me at any point.” You warned him.

“Okay.” He chuckled. “I won’t.”

You gave him one last glance before turned your attention to your guitar. You started to strum the melody again and sang the chorus in a shy voice.

“I don’t love you, but I always will. I don’t love you, but I always will. I always will.” You sang softly without ever looking up at him. Tom had a feeling the song would be about him but felt close to tears upon hearing it.

“Is that the chorus?” He asked in as steady a voice as he could muster.

“Yeah. A bit of it.”

“Any verses?”

“That’s where I’m getting stuck.” You told him. “I wanted it to be a duet that sounds like a conversation between two people. But I can’t tell if the responses I wrote from the man’s perspective are any good. I keep crossing them out and starting over. I just want it to sound authentic.”

“Why didn’t you get your boyfriend to help you?” He asked, making a smile tug at your lips. You looked up at him with a look in your eyes he didn’t think he’d ever see again.

“That was just a rumor, you know.” You told him. “About the American with the funny name. I don’t have a boyfriend.“

“You don’t? You didn’t say that before.” Tom replied and tried to conceal his relief upon hearing that information.

“I didn’t say I was dating him either.” You pointed out. Tom nodded in agreement before staring into your eyes.

“I thought you’d moved on.” He said in a quiet voice. You shook your head and looked at him like that was a ridiculous thing to say.

“No way. I haven’t come close to moving on. That’s why my musics been shit lately.”

“Now I know that’s not true. Sing me the rest of what you have so far and I’ll read the man’s part of the duet. Maybe you just need to hear it from someone else.” Tom suggested. You still felt shy about singing him the song but decided his input could be helpful.

“Here’s my notebook. You can read it this time.” You said as you handed him to your notebook open to the page of the duet. He looked at you in shock and you cracked a smile.

“Oh, we don’t joke about that? My bad.” You chuckled and started to strum your guitar.

“You only know what I want you to.” Tom said in a speaking voice when you nodded towards him to cue him in.

“I know everything you don’t want me to.” You sang in response. Tom cleared his throat and spoke again.

“Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine.”

“You think your dreams are the same as mine.” You sang back to him before stopping your playing. “And then it would be the chorus again.”

Tom took the break in playing to move closer to you on the couch. You noticed this but said nothing about it.

“Keep going.” He requested. You gave him a shy smile and started playing again as you looked into his eyes.

“I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back.” You sang to him.

“The less I give, the more I get back.” He read from your handwriting.

“Ooh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise.”

“I don't have a choice,” Tom began and then sucked in a breath, “but I still choose you.”

“Oh, I don’t love you, but I always will.” You began to sing the chorus again as Tom stared at the lyrics in front of him. You’d somehow managed to perfectly capture how he had felt the past year without you. Despite not having the choice, he still chose you each and every day, whether you knew it or not. Whether you’d ever know it again.

“That’s, uh, that’s all I have so far.” You said to break the awkward silence the followed the end of your song.

“You’re right. It is shit.” Tom said, making you both laugh.

“Shut up.” You answered and gave him a playful shove on the arm.

“It’s a brilliant song, darling. One of your best I think. So stop beating yourself up about it.”

“Really? You think it’s good?” You asked doubtfully.

“I think it’s perfect. What was your inspiration for it, anyway?” He asked while watching you intently.

“Oh, you know.” You sighed and set your guitar down on the floor. “Just this guy I used to date.”

“Hm. Well, he sounds like a real idiot for letting you go and making you feel like that.“ Tom said softly. You looked into his eyes and gave him a sad smile.

“He is. That’s why I had to sing about him. But I don’t know. Maybe he’s not as bad as I remember. Maybe he’s changed.”

“I hope he has.” Tom said earnestly. “I hope he spent every day that you were apart trying to better himself in case you ever came back.”

“And what if I did come back? What do you think he’d do?” You asked as you moved closer to him on the couch. Tom moved in closer as well but before he got a chance to say anything, your manager knocked and opened the dressing room door.

“Hey, love.” She greeted. “I hate to interrupt but they need you downstairs for sound check.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” You told her. Her eyes shifted to Tom and she bit back a smile.

“Only a minute, okay love? Everyone is waiting.” She told you before shutting the door.

Alone again, neither of you knew how to bring the conversation back to where you were before. You didn’t know if you were really forgiving him or just swept up in the moment, and he didn’t know if he was pushing his luck with you.

“I’ve actually thought a lot about what I would do if I saw you again. More than I’d like to admit.” He confessed without meeting your eyes.

“Oh yeah? And how did you imagine it would go?” You asked him. He gulped as his eyes dropped to your lips but didn’t move closer in case you didn’t want him to. You sensed his hesitation so you took the liberty of leaning in closer to him. Before your lips could touch, you were interrupted by another knock at the door.

“Sorry, love. But we really need you downstairs.” Your manager called through the door. Tom gave you a disappointed smile as you let out a sigh.

“I’m so sorry. I have to go.” You told him and stood up from the couch. He was disappointed but understood the demand of your job.

“That’s all right, darling. Don’t apologize. I’ll walk you to the door.” He offered. You crossed the dressing room in painful silence and turned to each other when you got to the door.

“So.” You smiled tightly. “See you in ten years at the ice cream shop?”

“See you then.” He smiled back with a sadness in his eyes. His chance had come and gone but he supposed he should be lucky he had the chance in the first place. Then again, if he never got the chance again to be in the same room as you, he might as well make the most of this one.

You put your hand on the door handle and were about to turn it when he put his hand over yours.

“What are you doing?” You asked as he slipped his hand behind your head.

“Making things right.” He answered as he closed the gap between you to kiss you. You wasted no time in wrapping your arms around his neck to kiss him back.

Despite the growing crowd waiting for you downstairs and the incessant knocking at the door from your manager, nothing was going to pull you out of the dressing room. Nothing was going to stop you from letting him make things right.

Tag List 🏷️ (thanks for being so patient with me x)

@thebookwormlife @imanativeofswlondondahling

@whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings

@imyourliquor-youremypoison @andreasworlsboring101

@peterparkoure

@justcallmehitgirl @jackiehollanderr

@emmamarshmellow @unbelievableholland

@sovereignparker @every-marveler-ever @undiadeestos @eridanuswave

@solarxmoonchild @canyouevencauseicant

@quaksonhehe @lovelessdagger

@thesuitelifeofafangirl @marshxx @nooneinvitedfascistbarbie

@maybemona

@alexxcorona113 @lethal-wisdom

@pandaxnienke

@officialsimppage @itsemohours

@olixerwxxd @leilanixx

@whereismytelephone @so-very-asleep

@spideyspeaches @hihiweezing

@mathletemadison

@dhtomholland @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @prancerrparkerr

@hallecarey1 @adayasgeorgia @blackwidowisthebest @imawhoreforu

@ciarahollands

@nellabellaa @pinklxmonade @boogywoogywoogy @wordsarelife

@bigmaddieg @starboyshoyo

#tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland x singer!reader #tom holland x ex!reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland x you #peter parker x reader

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