walshmatty

[walshmatty]

Traumas that follow ——— ( Jan. 07 )

“We were not allowed to speak of the unseen wounds of war. We were not allowed to prepare for them.”

[ tw: PTSD, stalking ]

There’s no better feeling than getting home after a long day to see your family waiting for you to dinner and some warm clothes. That was Matty’s ideal life, just settle down, make more money at his job, get a dog, get married, have kids and be able to get home and relax his feet by the couch with his family. But that night as he left work and got into his car, he knew he would go home to his cold, dark and empty apartment, filled with furniture and five plants giving some life to the place while he wasn’t there, nothing else. It was a dark and quiet night, the rain that fell in torrents were now over for quite a while, but that annoying gust of wind were still shaking the windows, as Matty got into his car, let out a sigh and thought to himself “I should buy something for dinner tonight”. The good part about living alone is that you can make those decisions with no much efford.

To a guy like Matty, nighttime was his favorite time of the day to do grocery shooping, it was something he called a guilty pleasure, like an activity that would massage his brain, things like late night grocery shooping, going to an empty movie theather, early dawn road trips, moments where he could enjoy something with nobody or no much people around him, just himself and the enviroment. He wasn’t an antisocial, quite the opposite, he loved being around people, but those were things he really loved even more.

As he parked outside of the retail store, the parking lot was almost totally empty, Matty got out of the car and was making his way to enter the place when a hand grabbed his shoulder, giving him a terrifying scare that almost got his legs to drop. “Fuck” He murmured as a shock wave went through his body. Right next to him, was a homeless guy, looking a little tired just like him. “Can you help me, sir?” The man asked, for a moment Matty’s hands wer shaking, his heartbeat was a little off as being scared is something that would easily trigger his PTSD. He rubbed his hands over his eyes and let out a sigh. “Um... sure, what you need?”

The man asked for some food, said he would wait outside for Matty to come back,.As he entered the store, the door made an eletronic bell noise as it opened, maybe to let the cashier knows that someone walked in. The place was empty, only the cashier girl were at his sight. She looked at him for a second and kept reading her magazine, not much came from her, so he grabbed a cart and walked in, going straight to grab the things he needed for that night.

Inside the store, only the front had glass walls, and as Matty would walk in those half tall aisles he could still see the homeless man outside, looking at him, staring at him. It was almost impossible for Matty not to feel like he had eyes on him, and that was starting to make him nervous. His anxiety was being dragged back by his PTSD, he could feel a heat wave inside him, it was cold outside but Matty’s body felt hot, like his heart was beating too fast with anxiety causing his hands to sweat a little. He tried to ignore that, ignore the man staring at him and keep buying his stuff.

As he got to the back, His side eye caught the cashier girl moving, she walked to the other side of where Matty was, eyes kept on him like saying ‘I’m watching you’ and making her way to the bathroom. Matty followed her with his eyes too, it was an awkward moment as he didn’t meant to look back but he hated being watched by random people so he couldn’t help it but to look back. Her eyes on him didn’t seemed suspicios, but she seemed like someone who has seen quite a few things happening around there. As the girl entered the bathroom, Matty went back to look at his cart, there were a few things in it, maybe enough for that night and he should just buy anything else another time. As he was caught in those thoughts, the eletronic bell from the door ringed again, someone entered the store, and as Matty turned his eyes, there he was. The homeless guy, walking some fast steps in the middle aisle while staring Matty with his big eyes.

Something was off, that guy wasn’t at his normal and Matty was now staring into his eyes by far and noticing that. For a moment his body froze as he thought the guy was coming for him in the back, his throat went dry as his hands were holding that cart as hard as they could, his brain sending some shockwaves to his entire body as he got goosebumps. But then, the man turned, entered an aisle, grabbed something and ran. Leaving the store as the girl was coming out of the bathroom.

“He stole something!” Matty’s voice came out like the voice of someone who were drowning and now could breathe, his breathing was deep as he felt a little lightheaded, like his body really hated the scare. The cashier girl cursed a few words and went to the front door, looking outside for the homeless guy but couldn’t find anybody. “I think he did something to your car, the alarm is going off!” She spoke to Matty, as he was pushing the cart back to the front. The redhead left the cart near the cashier, his body seemed hard, like still frozen from the scare, at same time his head was hurting a little, he should go home and take his meds so this wouldn’t get worst. As he looked to his car, the blinking lights were there, he pulled the keys out and pressed the button so they stopped. The cashier girl was staring at him like waiting for him to go check if anything is wrong with his car, but Matty didn’t seemed like about to do that. Insteed, he waited a few more minutes, they both staring the darkness outside while searching for any signs of that homeless man.

As Matty felt a little better, he payed for his stuff, grabbed everything and left the store, going back to his car a little paranoid with his surroundings. He had that odd feeling on the back of his neck, like something was telling him he was being watched, like he knew that he wasn’t alone in that parking lot. His paranoias weren’t there to help, Matty has been doing therapy for quite a while after the events at his friend’s home a few years ago trying to get over his traumas, but it was hard, specially when things like that triggered him and made him feel so paranoid about everything. He opened the back door, dropping everything there, close the door and took a minute to look around. There were nothing there to see. The night was quiet, the winds were shaking some bushes by the back and the high railings, the lights outside were pretty shitty but the lights from inside were still giving the parking lot some visibility. Still, there were nobody else there.

He got into his car, and took a deep breath, feeling a lot safer now that he was at a more controlled space, that was part of his therapy, whenever feeling like losing control, find a controlled space, try to feel safe, try to breathe. It has been a few days since last time he cleaned his car, so there were a smell in it, he would get it cleaned first thing in the morning, but for now that wasn’t even something to bother him. Matty had both hands on the steering wheel as he closed his eyes for a second feeling his body starting to calm down. His hands were a little shaky as usual and his feet were still tapping the floor on anxiety, but he would survive. He drove home with no much problem, but everytime he would stop at a traffic light, his eyes would look around, almost like waiting for someone to come out of nowhere. He got home, grabbed his stuff from the car, took everything to his apartment and started cooking his dinner, nothing seemed off anymore, Matty took his meds, felt fine again. The red flags were down, although everytime the wind would shake his windows he would feel a cold going down his spine.

Dinner was almost ready at that point, something quite simple since he already taken his medication and were starting to feel a little sleepy, as he went to his room to put on some warm pajamas he noticed something by the window. Blinking lights. It was the second time that night he would see that, a red flag was up again as Matty walked to the window only to see his car on the other side of the street, lights blinking as the alarm was going off again. That didn’t made sense, he took a step back trying to understand what was going on, and decided to go outside to check. The redhead knew some self defense so if anyone were trying to rob his car, he would be able to at least give them a scare, he grabbed his baseball bat and went outside, crossing the street slowly as he noticed the back door flat open. As he looked around, there were nobody there, the street was empty since it was almost 1 a.m, he pressed the button so the alarm would stop, but as Matty went to close the door, he noticed something, the smell was gone, and written by someone’s finger on the back door’s window were four words:

“Thanks for the ride”

[walshmatty]

Matty hasn’t been around the Asteria nightlife much. He had a couple friends around, yes, but still he didn’t felt like ready to ask the crew to go out with him and have a drinks and dance night out. Those were the things he were pretty used to do in Seattle, and gosh, he needed to stop saying that. Ever since he arrived in Asteria he couldn’t stop thinking on everything he would be doing if he was in Seattle, that wasn’t a good start, it was about time for Matty to start actually liking this small town. That night he was there by himself, having some drinks and people watching. As a professional dancer it was fun to watch other people’s dance, every once in a while he would learn a few new moves that seemed cool to use with his students. He was hanging out by the bar watching the dance floor when someone approached him. He wasn’t sure if that was a flirt, but the guy was cute, Matty let out a chuckle and took another sip of his drink. “You sure about that?” He asked while raising a brow and keeping a smile on his face. “I’m not that great of a dancer.”

special delivery - @asteriastarters​

If there was one area the male lacked in, it was socializing which would have been a shock for anyone who had actually known him since he was a god damn chatter box. His hands slipped into the pocket of his jeans as he glanced around the crowded bar, wondering if maybe he should just go home and open a good book or watch a game show with his mom. He noticed someone standing by the bar, watching the little dancing going on in the middle of the bar. He exhaled and moved himself towards the person, pressing his lips together. “Uh, hey..” He cleared his throat. “Wanna dance?”

[walshmatty]

It has been over a month now, almost two, since Matty arrived to Asteria, a lot was changing in his life, moving away from Seattle was still hard to accept, sometimes he would miss his friends, his academy, his old life, but now as he was getting used to that small simple town, things seemed to work just fine. People were friendly, mostly calmed and not trying to bother other people’s lifes, just a casual small town vibe, where everyone knew everyone but at same time wouldn’t try to be annoying. As Matty was going back to his place in Downtown, he was on the phone with his brother, the two of them were used to have a few arguments over the phone about their mother since his brother was now married and couldn’t be always around her, so he would do what every older brother would, trying to push the responsability over to Matty. He was distracted with the phonecall, so much that when his brother hung up on him, Matty was ready to let out some cursing when he bumped on someone. “Oh, sorry, I was distracted too. Let’s blame my asshole of a brother for that one.” He pointed to the phone as he put it back on his coat’s pocket. “You’re a tourist? In Asteria? On winter? wow... very unique choice of road trip.”

who: @asteriastarters​ where: downtown

It was a huge change. Moving from New York, a big city to a small town in North Carolina was almost a shock. While he had always thought that small towns were charming, Grayson never realized how little people and how little things were actually in a place like this. It had it’s charms. The coffee shop was adorable the people were kind and everything around here had their own unique looks and unique ways of being but it still surprised him at the utter difference there was between here and his home. Grayson had found out about his brother and where he lived only days ago and now he was here. It’d been a stupid idea to come here without a plan but Grayson thought an adventure would be due for him. Especially after things happening back home, getting away from it would be good for him. So now, standing here in the middle of the sidewalk, Grayson found himself admiring the beauty of downtown. Yes, it as kind of dead because of the winter but he was impressed with how everything looked. He walked forward and bumped right into someone, blinking. “Oh, sorry.” He smiled at them, “Just being a tourist, I’m sorry about that.” He admitted with a smile.

[walshmatty]

lxtinoblood​:

Despite not having a dog, he knew how they could be like, a lot of the times, when he was eating something, both of the dogs of the station sat down by his side and stared at him. It didn’t mean they were hungry, just that they wanted a piece of what he was eating, “I doubt it, she ate recently, but you know how dogs are, no matter how many times they ate, they will always look at you when you’re eating,” it was probably one of the reasons why so many of them were overweight. A lot of times their owner couldn’t resist to their sad puppy eyes, and ended up giving them a piece of their food, “It’s probably not a good idea to give her some of your burger, I don’t know how her owner will feel about that,” if he was him, he would allow the man to give her some, a little piece wouldn’t harm, right? But he didn’t think it was his place to decide that.

While looking at the dog, Matty’s thoughts were really into the idea of him getting a dog, it wouldn’t be easy, he never had a dog before so he has no clue on how to take care of them, but now living in Asteria it might be a great idea to have a furry friend waiting for him at home everyday after classes, he’s always very tired so maybe having a dog would bring him outside the house more often, and even get to met more people around. Still, it was just ideas, nothing he planned to do asap. “Yeah, I’m not actually that expert with dogs, but I know a few.” He chuckled lightly. As the man said it was probably not a good idea to share the lunch with the pup, Matty and her kept looking at each other, she didn’t really seemed hungry, but really interested on having a taste of his burger. He pulled out a small piece of it, got up, and down to his knees, handing over to her just a little of the burger. As he got up again, he looked at the man with a smile “Shh, it’s our little secret, don’t tell her owner.” He nodded and went back to his seat. “You’re always the one walking her outside? Cause that’s very much a owners thing to do.”

[walshmatty]

livrhodes​:

“Are you sure? I don’t want to cramp your style,” Liv said, letting out a small laugh. “If this is weird for you, I can go sit somewhere else.” She was his boss, after all, and she wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing her outside of work. Having been in Asteria for almost all of her life, she wasn’t sure what it felt like to be a newcomer to the town, but she knew that it was hard. At least when she moved to New York City she had her ex-husband. “Those drinks sound good, but I’ll probably end up getting something really simple…like a bottle of beer.” She didn’t go to bars often in the first place, so she was unfamiliar with a lot of drinks. “Would you say bourbon is an acquired taste? I’ve tried it a few times and can only take a sip or two of it.” 

“Oh c’mon, Liv, you basically saved my life in this town by giving a stranger a job in less than a week, of course it won’t be a problem drinking with you, please, be my guest!” He chuckled. Matty wasn’t drunk, but he had a couple two or three of those so he was an excited friendly guy at that point. Besides, he was alone there, Liv was more than welcome to stay and drink and talk to him. “Funny, I never thought you were a beer kind of girl, that’s cool.” He nodded with a grin. “I’m not much of drinking beer, I’m too paranoid with my body, and beer makes me feel heavy so... I’m more of a drinks kind of guy.” He shrugged. “Well, bourbon is always the best drink for all kinds of people, the happy ones drink it with orange slices, the sad ones drink it with lemon and a huge ice cub, the ones just trying to enjoy the night go with a bourbon with mint and some passion fruit syrup.”

[walshmatty]

Being the activities freak that he was, there was Matty once again out for a run, it’s been a few hours this time, like he was used to, Matty worked with dance so his body had to be the most prepared as possible all times, exercising was a hobbie for him so everytime he would go out to run he would only go back home after a few hours, nothing new about this. That day he had a class later the day, so he had to keep some track of time, unfortunetly his watch wasn’t with him, once again he forgot the damn watch. But as Matty was almost ready to go back, he spotted someone by a bench with a phone in hands, maybe that guy could help. He slowed down as he approached the bench, not trying to look like he’s about to rob him, so as he got closer, Matty spoke. “Hey! Excuse me!” He gave it a friendly smile. “Um... can you tell me the time please? I came out to run and forgot my watch, got a little lost in time here.”

@asteriastarters​

Jasper’s face was hanging low as he stared at his phone, as if it had scorned him in some way. To be honest it was the furthest from the truth, no, he got himself lost– again. He was more mad at himself than anything else in that moment. He’d texted his brother, his sister-in-law, Nathan, even Felix and no one was getting back to him. He shouldn’t expect them to reply right away, but the longer he didn’t get a text the more his stomach twisted with anxiety. He’d found himself at a familiar landmark, it was the bench when he got lost the last time. Sitting down he ran a hand through his hair as he grew frustrated. Closing his eyes he let out a low whine as he his head fell back. He didn’t know how he managed it, but he did. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t want to look like a fool crying alone on a bench as he waited for someone in his life to get back to him. He was so much in his head he didn’t the person approaching the bench he was on. 

[walshmatty]

There were a few things in life that while other people would find it very weird, to Matty felt like the most relaxing and satisfying sensations of all, nighttime grocery shopping, entering an empty movie theather, road trips at early dawn, those were his list of weird but satisfying things. It wasn’t exactly nighttime when he went grocery shopping that day, he was quite tired after an entire day of classes but his students were great, Matty would never have a hard time with them. As he was walking through the aisles picking the stuff he would need for the weeked and for a quite nicer dinner, it was visible he lived alone, other people were there with a packed cart while Matty’s wasn’t even half full. As he passed by the baby aisle, an area he wouldn’t exactly look for anything, he noticed a guy, and a cute baby sleeping by his cart. That scene reminded him of his mom a few weeks ago asking when Matty would give her grandchildren, and how fast Matty dodged the subject. As he passed by the guy, he gave him a nod, maybe thanks to that the man asked him something. He seemed a little confused with those diapers, and in need of help, Matty stopped for a moment and looked at all those different brands, it was so awkward that he actually knew the difference, that’s what happens when you take care of you nephew for so long. “There’s a few, but it’s never just the price. Some of them have double absorption layers so it can hold more liquid, some are made of pure cotton which are a lot more comfortable, some have a layer of baby perfume so in case you’re at a place where you can’t change your baby’s diapers you can calm him down for a while and no need to worry about the smell. These kind of things.”

special delivery - @asteriastarters​

Lincoln hid inside the house through the holidays, spending it with his family more than out in the open but he knew he had to get back out there. So here he was in the grocery store, the carseat settling on the cart with the sleeping baby inside of it. He stood in the diaper aisle, staring at all the different kinds, brushing the tip of his tongue along his lower lip. He turned his head to see someone walking into the aisle. “I have a dumb question,” he muttered. “Can you tell me what the difference is between the brands of diapers?”

[walshmatty]

[walshmatty]

Being a new face around town wasn’t all that bad, Asteria felt like a new begining like Matty never had before, a small town with some nice people living their lives and not always trying to get in trouble with others, felt like the place Matty could start over his life, trying things again and letting people know only the things he wanted them to know about his life in Seattle or anywhere else. That saturday night he decided to give himself a time to explore the bars and the night life a little more, entering a random bar with some nice movement and just ordering a few drinks while watching whatever was playing in the tv nearby. He had noticed the man next to him, but only took the time to really look at him after listening to his request to the barthender. Matty raised a brow and put up a friendly smile as he exchanged some looks with both the man and the barthender. “You know, my parents always taught me to never accept anything from strangers.” He let out a soft chuckle as it really wasn’t a problem to him to share some drinks, at least someone to talk.

Where: Pit Stop Bar 

With: Anyone

Keegan was all caught up with paper work and was ready to have a nice relaxing Saturday night staring down at an empty glass. He had a glass of Elijah whiskey at hand and was taking in the fresh aroma he loved so much. Perhaps later he would add in some shots, but for right now, he just wanted to unwind. Keegan was almost finished with his drink before he asked the bartender to make him another one. “Also, I’ll get the persons next to me drink too.” He was feeling generous tonight and he figured it would be a way to start a conversation. He didn’t want to just be by himself tonight. Maybe he would even get lucky and take someone home with him. 

@asteriastarters​

[walshmatty]

Matty was always the kind of company everyone would enjoy to have around, he was a cool guy, always trying to have a good time with his friends, and always trying to make new friends while getting drunk, his friends would alwyas make hundreds of videos of Matty dancing or trying socializing with random people around bars. That was his life back in Seattle, he would miss that sometimes but whenever he wanted, he would facetime his friends while having some drinks and fun would be the same. That night he was trying for the fourth time to facetime them, no luck, they were probably at some party and couldn’t hear their phones so there he was, taking some drinks by himself in that bar. As a woman approached him, he finished the call and payed attention to what she asked. “Um... no, I’m all alone, feel free to sit.” He nodded with a friendly smile. As she asked about the drinks, Matty’s brows furrowed as he tried to think of something. “This is actually my third time here, so I’m not very familiar with all the drinks, but so far I’ve seen a lot of people ordering the one on the silver cup with a mint on top and the other big one with an orange kind of color and a pink lemon slice on the corner, seems to be the most ordered here. But for me I’m cool with the Mint Julep, the Kentucky bourbon is the best for me!”

Where: Pit Stop Bar

With: OPEN @asteriastarters​

Olivia didn’t get out much. For the last ten years, she had been busy being a wife and raising children, so now that she was divorced she knew she needed to make an effort. She needed to socialize with other adults, considering most of her time was spent with a seven-year-old, four-year-old, and five month old. Her sons were with her mother for the evening, so she decided to step out of her comfort zone. Wearing a red dress that hugged her petite figure, she walked into the Pit Stop and approached an open bar stool. “Is anyone sitting here?” She asked the person next to her. “Also, I hope you don’t mind me asking…but what do you recommend to drink here? I usually don’t drink anything besides wine and I want to change it up for once.”

[walshmatty]

Ever since Matty came to Asteria he been trying to keep himself busy, always on the move, always doing something, it’s not like he’s trying to keep something out of his mind, is more like Matty actually didn’t liked being at home doing absolutely nothing, so whenever he felt like bored, he would go for a run. Thanks to his job and the entire career he had so far, his body was used to a lot of exercising and training so to a guy like him, go out for a run and go back home after two or three hours was no big deal. That day he went out, put his headphones and only stopped almost two and half hours later. Finding a place to sit and enjoy a nice huge hamburger he just got, something that probably would fuck up his diet but he deserved it after so much dedication. While eating, he noticed the man walking his dog and talking to it, it was funny to watch, people really would look to their dogs like they were their best friend, their confident buddy who would always be there even without saying a word. Maybe Matty should get a dog, he never had one, but it was always something in his mind. As the man stopped to pet him the dog’s eyes locked on Matty, or better saying, after some back and forth with his eyes Matty noticed the puppy had eyes on his food. “I think your friend there is hungry, dude.”

Where: near the fire station

Who: @asteriastarters​

It was his time to walk with the dog, which he didn’t mind doing, since he loved pets so much. He was thinking about adopting a dog, but his cat was already 3 years old, and he wasn’t sure how she would react to it, so for now he decided to just have her as a pet, maybe in he future he would adopt a dog, “I love walking with you, buddy, but we have to go back soon,” he could see that the dog was sad about it, but they didn’t have a choice, “Don’t look at me like that, you know we have duties,” he kneeled down, and stroked the animal on the head, which seemed to be his favorite place to be pet. He was so focused on the pet that he didn’t notice someone was close by.

[walshmatty]