wanadynovember

[wanadynovember]

I am just a needy attention whore

When will I Iearn

[wanadynovember]

i feel too much or nothing at all // from my journal

[wanadynovember]

I know I have some troubles being the good friend, I know I don't have the right words at the right time, I know I don't know how to deal with people crying for help, I know I'm no good friend

But I'm trying, believe me, I'm trying my best to help you, to calm down your anxiety, your overthinking mechanism.

I try, I try, but it seems like I'm not enough.

[wanadynovember]

[wanadynovember]

[wanadynovember]

I feel very lonely tonight, I know it may be the anxiety and the little 'drop' of depression in me speaking but yeah, I really feel like I'm so replaceable, as if I was just here because life put me there.

Yeah, I am feeling down right now, and there's nothing I can do about it.

[wanadynovember]

I know you do your best in order to make me happy but my past is killing me, I'm sorry you can't relay on me, I'm sorry for all these moments I wasn't here for you

"I'm sorry for not being okay"

[wanadynovember]

[wanadynovember]

I've spent hours obsessing over why I'm not good enough. Hours lost, standing in front of the mirror, studying my face and wondering if it's because I'm not pretty enough. Reading back old conversations and wondering if I'm annoying, too needy, too much. Will anyone ever stick around? I try so hard, but I'm just never worth it in the end.

broken thoughts | 2am

[wanadynovember]

[wanadynovember]

Well, I feel attacked.... I didn't need to be violently called out like that.

[wanadynovember]

Je veux pas mourir, mais je veux plus de cette vie la.

[wanadynovember]

J'ai toujours ce paquet de tabac fleur du pays blond, que j'avais 'confisqué' après une énième dispute sur la clope et la beuh.

Il est là depuis toujours.

Il attend que tu viennes le chercher.

[wanadynovember]

Cette angoisse toujours, savoir qu'on est jugés, savoir qu'on est détesté, savoir qu'on a merdé, savoir qu'on pourra jamais racheter tout ça, ne pas savoir le futur mais savoir qu'il est merdique

Putain, jvoudrais crever

[wanadynovember]

Les vieilles habitudes ont la peau dure, je me retrouve toujours à toucher ce bout de métal

[wanadynovember]

Mes angoisses ont pris le dessus sur ma raison, je pleure dans ma chambre et je tourne en rond. J'me sens même plus a l'abri dans ma maison s'il y a un mode d'emploi moi jnai pas le bon

[wanadynovember]

Clairement jsuis stupide, a people pleaser qui a peur du conflit, aucune passion, aucune envie, aucune ambition, je vis de toute façon dans le passé et tout ce qui me link a dautre c le buck