wandasaura

[wandasaura]

now girl, why are u up this early on the weekend and high?

um… i did not realize it was only 9am when i took a hit… it should be at least 3 in the afternoon

[wandasaura]

high aura?

[wandasaura]

the turn around time was from “see you in a minute” to “let me go” is actually insane, and brings the question of how intensely was nat quietly struggling before that point. did clint not realize? or did he try so hard to convince himself that natasha was fine before the jump? when did it start? after civil war? after dreykov? after her initial deflection? nobody tells their closest friends and found family they’ll see them in a minute and then begs to be dropped into certain death minutes, maybe an hour or two later. natasha romanoff did not die for that mission. natasha romanoff did not die for that mission. natasha romanoff saw an out that gave her dignity. something that nobody had offered her before. the argument in question is whether that was always what she was searching for, or if it manifested after specific events. nobody. tells. their. closest. friends. and. found family. that. they’ll. see. them. in. a. minute. and. then. begs. to. die. natasha romanoff did not plummet off the face of vormir for clint, or for lila, or for cooper, or for nathaniel, or for laura. natasha romanoff did not throw herself over the edge of an intergalactic cliff because of a mission. natasha romanoff is a woman who had been so brutalized and manipulated in life that even death was something valiant, something unattainable to her. natasha romanoff was never going to be okay with dying normally, slowly, in a battle that she could’ve won and everyone knows she could’ve won. but she found the perfect out. the perfect reprieve from the constant pain and pressure to slip into skin that didn’t fit her bones anymore. natasha romanoff was a woman with depression and ptsd, and every single time she struggled, nobody was around to see her cry. natasha romanoff deserved better. natasha romanoff deserved a life. it was one battle to another her entire life, never a moment of silence, never a chance to reflect and decompress. every time this woman sought to put herself first, the unthinkable happened and she knew that the world needed her more than she needed a break, but she wanted one, and she deserved one, and so when it came to that fuck ass space mountain, when it came to understanding and accepting that one of them wasn’t walking off, it wasn’t just about thanos anymore. it was a moment of selfishness that she’s deserved to have for decades. it was the realization that clint could find eternal peace before she did. clint could be a hero encapsulated by greatness instead of her, and if that happened, not only would she continue to be a slave to the worlds perception of her, but she’d be a slave with yet another severed tie eternally unable to connect again. natasha romanoff did not die for the mission. natasha romanoff died to save herself. the first time we see natasha assert her own path, it’s a suicide mission. natasha romanoff deserved better. natasha romanoff still deserves better.

[wandasaura]

sometimes a girl just wants to die, and that’s how todays going

[wandasaura]

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

[wandasaura]

[wandasaura]

I’m sorry ppl are annoying idiots! Like literally don’t read but there is no need to send a gif like that.

-👻

it’s my personal life to make it worse! not even wandasaura affiliated 🤠

[wandasaura]

july 31st

[wandasaura]

Aura, just dropped the poetry book on us at this time. I cried a wee bit at my work desk at 7:44AM on this fine Thursday morning.

i hope the tears have dried up! yall have seriously gotta stop crying over me! … but you’re obligated to tell me if you cry over me

[wandasaura]

You write just to make us cry!!!!

excuse me, this is not the case at all !!! that’s just an added bonus :/

[wandasaura]

it wasn’t your job to wipe away the tears. it wasn’t your job to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you did, and you have been since you were little. it was never your job to fill the shoes everyone else left empty in their life. it was never your responsibility to be the one true constant — the only constant, in their life. they made you the sun, but you never asked to shine as brightly as you did. you were just a child eager to be loved and feel loved and give love. but they revolve around you now. you can see that as an adult. you didn’t as a child. you didn’t understand why everything was always so heavy then, always so rooted in someone else’s trauma and pain at the expense and overshadowing of your own. they made you their sun before you could protest, before you could push back, before you could even stand on your own two feet. but the sun is just a hot ball of gas, the sun doesn’t have feelings, or emotions, or a life that goes on outside of everything else. you cannot continue to try to be something that doesn’t share the same depth as you, sweetheart. it’s not your responsibility to shine endless light and heat on the coldest places of them. it was never your responsibility. i’m so sorry that you were made to feel like it was. they should’ve been the sun. the bright and hopeful constant that touched the darkest places of you, but instead you sat alone, because after all, nothing shines on the sun itself. they outcasted you to the depths of space where time stands still and there’s no gravity to ground you, but you can find your way back down. you can stop sharing your light with everyone who never deserved it, and should’ve never asked for it in the first place. you’re not the sun, angel. you’re just somebody’s baby. and everyone’s baby deserves a chance to live for themselves, not the survival of others. live for you. live for the little one inside of you that stifled her own feelings to remain that source of unwavering light even when you wanted to cry and scream and break things. it was never your job, and it’s still not your job. it’s okay to be tired. it’s okay to be done. you’ve had the weight of the universe on your shoulders since you came into this world, but it’s time to take a step back. it’s time to put you first.

[wandasaura]

does reader in any capacity feel possessive when it comes to wanda or natasha outside of their dynamic with each other

toward each other, not possessive really. sometimes she gets jealous when wanda’s openly showering natasha with affection, or when natasha very openly chooses wanda over her, but i think that’s just something that’s bound to happen when there’s three people in a relationship and some tasks only require two. like when the sink springs a leak and natasha recruits wanda because she also knows how to fix it, maybe there’s a little moment of jealousy because… you can learn! you’re willing to learn! but she always picks wanda because that’s easiest and wanda already knows. but wanda and natasha have the same moments of jealousy, like when ducky only ever asks wanda to do her makeup, and she only asks natasha to do her hair, and she prefers going to the grocery store with natasha, but she’ll spend hours in the laundry room just talking wanda’s ear off but she won’t ever go out into the garage and talk to natasha then while she fixes the engine. i’d say possessiveness comes in when anyone else steps into the dynamic like friends or family.

[wandasaura]

Goodluck with therapy!! Restarting therapy as an adult has been one of the healthiest decisions I've made. It can take time to find a right therapist so dont settle for one who isn't best for you!! I hope it goes well for you diva

-🐟

i hope it goes well, too! thank you for your sweet words fishie!

[wandasaura]

i’m so glad i’m not the only one who loves taylor but does not agree with her current circle. it gets scary out here

for a while i was able to look past it because really, what was she expected to do? not support her partner? not go to events with her partner because his teammates are openly maga? like there is a certain point where it becomes a little silly to criticize her for doing normal things. but… now that she’s just hanging out with them on the regular outside of games and outside of anything football related, and this is when she’s chose to be the most politically silent… it’s not a good vibe.

i think a lot of people actively forget that it’s genuinely not safe for her to have an open political stance. the president, without any fuel, harasses her on the internet. the eras tour was under bomb threats without any fuel to the fire, the gravity of her public appearance is genuinely so terrifying when you remember that not everyone is a normal person who wouldn’t kill somebody else over a difference of opinion. so it’s mixed feelings regarding her silence on all the speculation because on one hand i’m fully aware that it’s not safe, but on the other hand how do you release a documentary like miss americana where the entire premise is coming out as a democrat and actively choosing to break your careers long silence but then… you never mention it again.

and don’t get me started about miss americana as a whole. the entire documentary reads as a coming out story, not just allyship. i mean we have taylor genuinely saying that “gay pride is what makes me me”… baby no ally ever is identifying with the lgbtq community so hard that they feel it genuinely represents a part of them entirely. the overall message of the documentary is all over the place, and the speculation that they cut the actual coming out plotline because of karlie/scooter/scott makes so much sense when you take a step back and really analyze how there’s no rhyme or reason for the docu. like she’s screaming about pride for half of it and then it just abruptly cuts to her generalizing voting as a whole. i need to know what the hell was scraped and why the hell she was so passionate about it all five years ago but now we’re in a vow of silence.

[wandasaura]

could I ask why you like Taylor swift?

some people were raised on springsteen, some people were raised on bon jovi… i was raised on chris brown, avril lavigne, and taylor swift (for the most part) up until i was four and my music taste expanded beyond whatever my dad was listening to.

it was never a conscious choice for me to be obsessed with taylor swift, which i think most everyone assumes if you like taylor it’s because you chose to be a crazy swiftie. no no, ive been this way since 2006 when tear drops on my guitar was the only music video i liked on my dads ipod. this is not a mindset, this is a lifestyle.

but as an adult who still listens to her music, the insane imagery is one of the reasons she’s my ride or die artist. if nothing sounds good? put taylor on. if nothings the vibe? put taylor on. if i don’t want to listen to anything? fuck it were still gonna put taylor on. her ability to narrate a story through verse and bridge is genuinely so insane and it speaks to me to deeply. i think i have a lot of my personal writing style to thank for taylor. i have a lot of my vocabulary to thank for taylor. her writing, above everything and anything else, is what keeps me coming back. but if we want to get into how fucking INSANE her lower register is becoming with age oh i can sit here all day and blatantly tell you by the second which lines she sings in a way that scratches my head so good. like when she says dickhead… ask me if i replay that single part of the song a million times because the way she says it is just SO GOOD.

but also i do love her message. i do not want to comment on her current actions, i do not associate myself with her current actions and friends, but when you strip away everything else her entire mission is to empower women and artists to have their own creativity and self assuredness. and the fact that the eras tour was basically a giant bake sale?! fuck me i love that silly blonde bitch so much. even though she’s refusing to address the maga speculation…. which is FOR HER FUCKING SAFETY

[wandasaura]

About the other ask if send... there's so much to talk about!!

I literally watched things like desperate housewives, skins and the girls next door (playboy bunny reality TV) at 8 because my older sister watched that stuff and my parents were "anti-authoritarian" 🥲.

And God i remember watching our version of America's next top model and thinking it's completely normal that insanely thin girls were being told to lose weight or kicked off the show for being chubby.

I'm so very sorry that therapy has been a bad experience so far. That's very much the opposite of what it should be like. I had some amazing therapists that I still bring up all the time even after years and then there were some where in hindsight I'm not sure how helpful they were... It sometimes takes a while but I hope you find a therapist that you vibe with.

(Best therapy i ever had was occupational therapy cause it sparked my love for art... and my therapist was hot, and I was very in love with her too lol)

-🐻

dude, my mom didn’t even have the “anti-authoritarian” approach, she just had the every single day is different approach. my grades were never cared about. nobody asked if i was failing, nobody asked if i was passing. i used to beg her to give a damn and she’d always say “aura, it’s not that big of a deal”. so that’s a mind fuck in and of itself. or when she’d choose to actually be a parent i’d get the “i’m not your friend, im your mom” and then a week or so, give or take a couple of days, of the ultimate silent treatment. no dinner, no waking me up for school, no sense of communication or attention in the slightest. if i wasn’t up and ready for school by the time she was out and in the car she would simply blare on her horn or not take me. that was her definition of parenting. besties now though 😅

she did not give a fuck about what i watched! my favorite shows from 0 to 8 were hannah montana, jon + kate plus 8, 19 kids and counting…. my favorite movies should not even ever be repeated. i used to just type sex or babies into netflix and watch what came up… baby aura is about to be the reasons my kids don’t touch a damn remote until they’re 60. my dolls skipped the dating stage and went right to impreganation and nobody batted an eye when i forced my mom to get me mother’s day presents at 6. maybe, just maybe, it’s because her entire belief in life was rooted in “fuck, have kids. so many kids”.

iiiii happen to think occupational therapy is just so cool and hot and sexy. you’re so so so real for that.

[wandasaura]

Aura stays dodging the questions we want answers to!

yes she does! better luck next time!