wannabe-f-f-friends - Tumblr blog

[wannabe-f-f-friends]

@ me

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When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

[wannabe-f-f-friends]

Falling

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Xichen, please...

That's your little brother's privacy.

I'm sure it's against the Lan rules

[wannabe-f-f-friends]

honestly i dont need therapy i need a machine to go into my body and manually stretch all my muscles and crack all my joints and then i need the machine to go into my brain and deep clean it with soapy hot water

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does anyone have that one painting with the ghosts standing in the water?

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a retelling of MDZS from Jin Guangyao’s POV except it’s all letters he’s sent in to AITA and the other characters’ replies in the threads

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Three thousand lanterns scene preview from the TGCF Audio drama team.

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[wannabe-f-f-friends]

Ripples in the water

(Crossposted on Ao3)

Fate is cruel. Or maybe not as cruel as He Xuan once thought.

Or… Heavenly officials never reincarnate, until two do.

He Xuan didnt know when it started. 

It began a few millennia ago, he thinks, when he started looking for his face in passersby. When he began to yearn of the feeling of the wind on his face, bringing him back to those days when he’d be around him.

Shi Qingxuan

He Xuan is a liar. And he knows it. He lied to himself many centuries ago when he killed Shi Wudu. He lied to himself when he turned himself away from Shi Qingxuan. And he lies to himself now, telling himself that he did the right thing. The noble thing. 

Sometimes He Xuan envies Crimson Rain Sought Flower, Hua Cheng. Because he got his happy ending. He was able to hold his love close to him, because he isn’t left alone with his thoughts at the bottom of the sea.  

Other times he hates him. He hates the look of pity he gives him when he comes to visit. He hates the way he got rid of his debt, telling him that he shouldn’t worry about it any longer. And he hates the way that he sees what he and Shi Qingxuan could’ve been in Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. 

Qi Rong the green ghost visits him too. Still the same untamed beast he used to be, but different. He Xuan thinks he’s imagined it. 

He Xuan stops going to his home years after the incident. He tells Hua Cheng that it’s because he has other things, more important things, to do. Not acknowledging the way Hua Cheng’s face contorts slightly at his lies, the way he looks at him sadly when he pulls out excuse after excuse of why he won’t go back to his manor. Stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that he wants someone to go back home to. A family. Although He Xuan would never admit it. 

Time is like the ripples in water. Or that's what He Xuan thinks at least. 

If you throw a stone into a lake, the water will part, ripples forming from the intrusion, reaching the very shores of the lake, albeit much smaller than at the center. But soon, the water will be still once more. Much like time He Xuan muses. Just as he threw a ‘stone’ into the heavenly realm those years ago, along with Crimson Rain Sought Flower and his majesty, the three realms are once again at peace. 

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He Xuan doesnt know when he started returning to the sea for comfort. Something he did when he first became a ghost. Back in those days he’d relish in the way the salt water stung the wounds from enemies, using it as a reminder of what he was fighting for, who. 

After he met Shi Qingxuan, however, he stopped visiting the sea. Telling himself that he didnt have time for it, although looking back he thinks it’s because he thought that if he returned to the sea he would allow his resolve to be washed away. Allowing himself to forgive himself for his guilty conscience. 

Now, long after the Shi Qingxuans passing, he returns to the salt ridden waters. He doesnt always go to swim, Sometimes he just watches the waves. Watches how they dance with the shore, leaving and returning, rhythmically almost. 

He Xuan likes it at night, when he doesn't have to worry about the noise of humans. When he can breathe out in peace. 

He Xuan does eventually return to the sea, beckoned by its rhythmic calls. Calls only he can hear, he thinks.

—---------------------------------

It isn't until many decades of this pattern, that he sees others hear the call. 

On that day he was annoyed. He was trying to swim, but was constantly interrupted by bits of plastic flowing towards his face or the marine life dragging him to help their kin (who were bothered by a similar problem). He left the sea angry that day, wondering why humans insisted on being so wasteful. 

As he left the ocean, he noticed that the sun was out, much to his dismay. He let out a small sigh, dragging the large pile of plastics he’d gathered. Wondering why the beach was so quiet (the beaches were typically bustling with people and fairly loud during the day). Good, he thought, enjoying the quiet as he made his way to the big trash can at the meeting of the beach and road. 

Or he was, until a gruff voice called out to him, “Hey,” the voice paused as He xuan turned his head, shooting a glare to whoever dared to bother him, “The Wind and Water master College marine biology class has reserved this beach, leave.” 

He Xuan froze, not hearing the words that the man said, only seeing his face. Shi Wudu. He was confused, heavenly officials could not reincarnate, so how was he here-

His thoughts were cut off as another figure appeared in front of him, “Brother, can’t you see that he was doing what we came here to do?” A voice he could only dream of said, “He’s no doubt been at this for many hours, and I don’t think he wants you to harangue him.” ‘Shi Wudu’ gave He Xuan a glare, turning away from the two of them and walking to the rest of the class. 

He Xuan’s knight in shining armor turns around, and He Xuan sucks back a gasp, it's really them. “Are you okay?” They ask, moving to take some of the plastic, “I’m sorry about my brother, he’s really pissy in the mornings.” they said, giving him a small smile, “Shall we take these to the trash?” They asked, causing He Xuan to shake out of his trance, nodding. 

Since that day, He Xuan went to the sea in the mornings, waiting for Shi Qingxuan. He was confused at the situation, but was happy to see them (not so much Shi wudu). Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan would stay in the shallow waters gathering bits of plastic and litter while engaging in small talk. 

In those talks He Xuan gathered that Shi Qingxuan was studying to become a marine biologist, and was very passionate about the environment. He also learned that this Shi Qingxuan had a slight disdain for their brother, which he’d later find out was because this Shi Wudu didn’t accept his gender identity and sexuality, something he’d only let slip out in a moment of anger, apologizing shortly after. 

He Xuan began to look forward to those mornings, enjoying their small talk, even yearning for more. 

A month or so later Shi Qingxuan stopped showing up, along with the entire class. It wasn't until a month later that He Xuan saw them again.

--------------------------------------------------------------

He Xuan continued to drag bits of plastic out of the sea, not caring when the beach became crowded once more. Irritation ate at him, why did Shi Qingxuan leave, he wondered. 

In the weeks that followed the Shi Qingxuan’s disappearance, He Xuan ruminated about the life that they once lived, many lifetimes ago as he laid on the beach. 

Many days of this cycle went on. Swim, find plastics, help the animals, look for Shi Qingxuan, rinse, repeat. The days dragged on and one day when he laid there ruminating he fell asleep. Seeing his Shi Qingxuan in his dreams, seeing the heavenly windmaster call the winds to his beck and call, smiling at him, calling him that stupid nickname that he now longed for, “Ming Xiong.” 

When he awoke from his slumber he saw the moon high in the sky, and he let out a small curse, how could he fall asleep at a time like this. When he’s supposed to be waiting for Shi Qingxuan, he wondered before scolding himself, this Shi Qingxuan is not his Shi Qingxuan. 

With that thought he sat up, biting back a sigh, as he watched the waves in their back and forth dance with the shore. 

After the moon sank in the sky he decided that he needed to clear his mind. He needed to get in the water. He stood up, walking towards the sea, stopping where the waves met the shore, allowing the waves to brush against him. He waited there until the sun came up. 

When the sun came up he let out a sigh for the nth time that morning, and turned around, abandoning his march to the sea. Only to stop in surprise, Shi Qingxuan stood before him, not his Shi Qingxuan, but a ripple in the waters of time. Fate is a cruel thing He Xuan thinks as he looks to Shi Qingxuan sadly. 

Shi Qingxuan held out their hand to He Xuan, their dress pants quickly becoming soaked through in sea water. 

He Xuan stood their for a moment, suddenly sent back to when the two were in the heavenly court, didn’t Shi Qingxuan do something like this back then too he wondered. Remembering how Shi Qingxuan pulled him up by his hand upon their first meeting when he’d ‘fallen.’ 

He Xuan shook his head for a moment, ridding himself of such thoughts, grabbing Shi Qingxuan’s hand while refusing to make eye contact. 

Shi Qingxuan sighed, “He Xiong,” he called out, as the two walked to a bench on the beach, “Why won’t you look at me?”

He Xuan, sat there wondering, why won’t he look at them? His Shi Qingxuan is long gone, yet he clings to their ghost, oh the irony he thinks. He Xuan turns his head, finally looking Shi Qingxuan in the eyes, raising a hand to his face. 

‘Soft’ he thinks as he looks into their clear bright eyes. 

If this were him centuries ago he would have killed himself than touched his ‘enemy’ like this, but this is not then he thinks. 

He can be selfish, he thinks to himself, leaning down, pressing their lips together. 

Yeah, He Xuan can be selfish, living the life he didnt know he longed for back then now, in the modern era, with this Shi Qingxuan. 

He Xuan spent many years cursing fate as he swam at the bottom of the sea, seeing fate as a cruel being who never corrected him in his misguided thoughts. He sees now that fate isn’t quite as cruel as he once thought. 

I love them so much

[wannabe-f-f-friends]

@happypeachsludgeflower

Help me I almost never post Mu Qing angst because it makes me genuinely upset but this has been in my head. The way they split up most have been so so painful to Mu Qing for a variety of reasons, partially because he regrets the way he went about things, but also because he had good intentions as always but it blew up on his face instead, like always. And he's probably spent the past hundreds of years going over that time in his head, and when Xie Lian ascended again he had to wonder what kind of interactions they would have. He was probably putting his armor up, ready to show No Emotions just in case, but he finds out that the whole incident, and he himself, were so insignificant that Xie Lian doesn't even remember.

Oh but Feng Xin, lol, of course we all remember Feng Xin.

Wanna know what absolutely had to have been a slap to the face to Mu Qing?

Not only did Xie Lian not recognize him when he re ascended and then proceed to pretend like it wasn’t awkward (and therefore didn’t matter).

But what had to be a million times worse??

Xie Lian recognized Feng Xin instantly.

[wannabe-f-f-friends]

French trans woman Marie-Pierre Pruvot, known by her stage name Bambi

Female Mimics magazine 1965

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One good thing about being technically dead is that you can go tits out for your husband in any kind of weather

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I like that the fandom and canon (if I remember correctly) seem to agree that Yin Yu keeps working for Hua Cheng post-canon. Bro's really like

*literally dies*

*still shows up for Monday morning shift*

[wannabe-f-f-friends]

Lan Zhan is married to trouble.

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Binghehe!!🥰

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afternoons at puqi shrine 🦋