wanteddeadoreli

[wanteddeadoreli]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

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This is who is leading the NYC mayoral democratic primary rn

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[wanteddeadoreli]

stoned and autistic at a party trying to make conversation: I find the comparative lifespan of organisms so interesting. Spiders are comparatively long lived animals. Female black widows can live up to 3 years but their male counterparts rarely live four months. Some tarantulas live upwards of 20 years. The longest lived spider was around 43 years old when she was cruelly assassinated by a parasitic wasp. Domestic rats have a lifespan comparable to female black widows. To put things into perspective, there are spiders that remember a pre-pandemic world but it is likely every rat on earth was born post-COVID. There could be a spider out there born when Reagan was in office.

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i noticed we usually saw our new beaver neighbors around the same time every night so i jokingly referred to it as "the beaving hour" and now everyone in the house is referring to it as such and i get texts from my stepdad like this

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when they’re naming tv shows the number one priority should be is it easily searchable on tumblr.com

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I love it when the same character honorifics are basically used as a barometer for an evolving relationship over the course of a story.

"...Princess" (Derogatory)

"Princess." (You have disproven several of my previous assumptions but I'm still guarded and critical.)

"Princess," (Mildly impressed but still snarky)

"Princess," (I am coming to terms with how much your office has demanded of you and am finally considering you an equal)

"Princess," (I genuinely respect you, your office, and how much you have grown beyond it since we have met.)

"Princess." (Uh oh I've started catching feelings and am now using your title to remind both you and myself of the distance between us.)

"PRINCESS!" (You are in danger and I am now utterly devoted AND DOWN SO BAD.)

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Stolen from reddit where it wasn't being properly appreciated

[wanteddeadoreli]

may i interest you in nap on the couch. you too can have nap on the couch for the low low price of several hours of time accidentally disappeared and oof ouch my neck when you wake up. as a bonus you will not even feel rested. who can resist nap on the couch. buy now for free. but watch out.

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This is Captain Kirk of the USS Enterprise speaking. We’ve entered the orbit of a planet not terribly unlike our own… save that it is exclusively populated by petty old queens.

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nothing has fucked me up more than knowing the australian white ibis has a near-identical sister species called the african sacred ibis. the african sacred ibis is associated with thoth, ancient god of wisdom and reason. the australian white ibis is most commonly referred to as a “bin chicken”.

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ultimately the truth about frankenstein is that we are all grotesque amalgamations of the best and worst parts of everyone who came before us. and sometimes the people who are supposed to love us because of and in spite of this will not. and we can kill them with hammers for that. and i think that’s beautiful

[wanteddeadoreli]

met a woman today whose original real actual given-at-birth first name is "Vendetta." ma'am are you aware you are a videogame protagonist and/or a character in a skullduggery pleasant novel. real quick sorry to bother you miss but who exactly were your parents expecting you to avenge in their name

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"love is what makes us human" actually it's 'select all images with boat' but go off I guess

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Kinda horrified at all the people talking about using scratched up non-stick pans and not realising that Teflon and other coatings are so very carcinogenic. PFAS (carcinogenic forever chemicals) build up in your body like lead or mercury.

^ Don't fucking use this ^

I need young people and the older ones too apparently, to invest in at least one good thick based stainless steel pan. It's better for cooking and it won't give you cancer.

Stainless steel pan? You can scrub that shit with a steel scourer... If stuff won't come off? You can soak it in a laundry active oxygen cleaner for an hour or two and it will come right off, then rinse with clean water and you're golden. You want to whisk your eggs in the pan? Literally no downside, but in a non-stick pan you get CANCER flakes.

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[wanteddeadoreli]

Back-to-back Tumblr posts that make it seem like you made murdered hitchhiker stew.