wardenaristraith

[wardenaristraith]

This is who is leading the NYC mayoral democratic primary rn

[wardenaristraith]

I once ready description of the event that went something along the lines of the stopped being biology, and they started being physics.

We are talking about the near instantaneous transmutation of a bunch of people into a high velocity liquid.

Physics.

Ok so for those who didn’t see the news, recently 5 rich people went “””missing””” (they’re totally fucking dead) in a “Titanic tourist submarine”, basically made as a way rich people can tour (what’s left of) the Titanic’s wreckage for a small fee of $250,000 per person.

Anyways, setting aside the horrific implications of dying in a submarine at  13,000 feet (~4km) below sea level, the more I learn about this entire situation the more I become morbidly…amused??

so for starters, the submarine was literally the submarine from Iron Lung. its a metal cylinder with one singular porthole at the front of the vessel that is bolted shut from the outside, and has no seats, its literally just a cylinder

the second thing you need to know is that this thing was wireless, as in it was being controlled from the surface and the people inside had no control, which is concerning in multiple ways because a ship this scuffed should have a safety cable leading to the “mothership” (basically if you’ve ever watched ocean documentaries and they always have that long cable attached to the sub, that’s for in case the wireless control fucks up and they need it to be wired)

what makes this little fact so much more morbidly funny is that this thing was controlled using the remains of a Logitech Gamepad controller from ~2004/2005, a controller notorious for being one of the most clunky pieces of gaming equipment ever designed. so clunky in fact that few people even recognized it, originally mistaking it to be a combination of an Xbox 360 and a PS1 controller. estimated price of $30.

“but Fortune” I hear a very few of you asking, “it shouldn’t matter what its controlled with, as long as the connection is good”

and to that my dear reader you would be correct! there are indeed submarines out there controlled with even simple joysticks, and using game controllers to control stuff like this isn’t new (why do you think army recruiters prey on low GPA high school gamers to fly drones)

no you see the issue comes when you realize that what this sub was using to transmit controls. was fucking. STARLINK.

Yes, that’s correct, Starlink, the service that can barely do its job on land was being used to transmit data through 2.5 miles (4km) of water, at a depth where anything that isn’t highly pressurized is crushed instantly 

—–

And at the end of this, if some of you still feel bad for the rich people who spent a quarter of a million dollars to get bolted into a metal cylinder with no seats and a singular porthole that was being controlled by Elon Musk’s barely functioning wireless service and one of the most notoriously clunky gaming controllers of all time that was probably bought from a thrift store, just know that it was most likely over quick. 

The likely thing that ended up happening was cabin depressurization, and at such a depth this means they were knocked unconscious by the rapid loss of pressure in the vessel almost instantly, and then shortly thereafter crushed by the weight of the ocean around them. 

Scientifically speaking, they were likely dead so fast that the brain likely couldn’t even comprehend what was happening, the most they would’ve felt is a little pop in their ears for a fraction of a second.

[wardenaristraith]

Somehow he is gay, lesbian, and completely straight at the same time.

[wardenaristraith]

I always liked the anime illustrations in the original NES Zelda manual, and it saddened me to find out these weren’t actually part of a real animated promotion for the game. So I decided to take those illustrations and re-create them as if they were!

Enjoy this long-lost VHS promotion for the Legend of Zelda on the Nintendo Entertainment System!

Voice narration by Streamy McDreamy

Animated in Procreate and Procreate Dreams.

View this video on YouTube here.

[wardenaristraith]

For your memeing purposes.

[wardenaristraith]

🤖 🍣

I took my little brother (autistic, mostly non verbal) out and he was using his voice keyboard to tell me something, and this little boy (maybe 4 or 5?) heard him and asked me "Is he a robot??" I tried to explain to him that no, he isn't a robot, he just communicates differently, but my darling brother was in the background max volume "I am robot I am robot I am robot I am robot"

[wardenaristraith]

[wardenaristraith]

(XユーザーのCuteさん: 「Wallpaper share https://t.co/3zek2ibtln」 / Xから)

[wardenaristraith]

No clue who this is, but that just doesn't matter.

[wardenaristraith]

The urge to be there

by Alexandr Kostenko

[wardenaristraith]

And here I am handing out * like they are spiders. BUT THEY ARE NOT!

They are ants. Please. Take some. They just keep coming.

* (Oh, these parentheses I keep opening?

* (I'm collecting them.

* (Right now, I'm 1,762 parentheses deep.

* (Oh, my precious parentheses... (I don't ever want to close them!

[wardenaristraith]

Beanie Babies

[wardenaristraith]

Want to see mudskips?

always

[wardenaristraith]

The wonders of the future!

boys who can pull off facial hair are hot