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Today I woke up at 6, made a ton of cheese and then I took two busses to a far out neighborhood to go sell two 1800s golden coins to a mystery coin dealer and I managed to also exchange some leftover euros that had been sitting in my wallet yay. The man said he bought his first house out of his first stamp collection that he'd started as a kid. Boomers... I'm selling gold to go shop at paknsave

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Waiting for my cagliata...

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I'm not against people who know me reading my blog, it's never been a problem for me, but they need to accept that the way they're perceived might be not be the way they perceive themselves, or the whole background and picture behind sth might not be relevant to the post, so unless I'm posting their picture, name and address they need to accept the emotional consequences of having chosen to read, especially if they've gone out of their way to seek out a tumblr blog that's been hidden from google searches especially to avoid people who don't understand blogging reading it. I'm directing my thoughts at a very specific demographic which is that of bloggers, specifically on tumblr, as in people who understand the concept of personal blogs. Some people talk about other people online, some people think it's weird and would never do it, and these two categories of people will never fully understand this aspect of each other's personality and it's fine.

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I went to school at a time when at least one kid in every class was made to wear this at some point, it used to be called 'il baffo' in Italy and it was like, totally normal

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"in order to be able to work for my partner I had to give up the work I did for money" -- i was just thinking the other day it's crazy how everybody's talking about all the unpaid reproductive work that women* do in relationships like cooking cleaning carework etc but if you said that among those is also frequently sexwork i feel like you'd get stoned to death by pretty much every person ever. like that would be the such a controversial thing to say lmao. even though it's so obviously the case?? like yeah obviously people do (unpaid) sexwork in their relationships, what do ppl think "marital duties" referred to?

Yes they sure don't like to hear that in the more swerf leaning circles but it has definitely been a topic in more sw literate environments. I don't want to remind this to my partner too often because the man would lowkey be just as ok alone like, I get the feeling that I need to be with someone way more than he does and he probably questions whether it's worth it every time he sees me furiously clean the house in an ocd fueled episode, so I just suck it up mostly but he is aware of the lack of agency that I endure for the sake of the relationship, he just thinks I should put effort into sth else I find fulfilling and that sw wasn't sustainable for me anyway. But it doesn't seem like any other job is sustainable for me at the rate necessary to live off it so I would have preferred to keep the one high paying one I had access to. What's even more ridiculous is that I'm unable to get on the benefit because of his study allowance, and once he'll be done with school I won't be able to get on it because of his job. So I think I'll ask him to pay me the amount of the benefit at some point and that'll be my little wage for house+ work in the future.

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New Campagna is about to drop 💛

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What about any other anti depressants or anti anxieties than Zoloft? There’s so many and it could really help! I was against it for along time but it’s helped me now to stabilise my anxieties. Regardless of your decision I hope this struggle eases for you soon xxx

Forgot to reply to this. I've considered intermittent use of Prozac, like during luteal phase but as I said before my ocd revolves around body harm which includes a disproportionate fear of side effects of medications and I would never recover from discovering I have involuntarily caused permanent harm to my body.

I'm glad it was helpful for you, I personally feel like I've popped too many pills and injected too many random ass substances already but I'm not 100% opposed to it.

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Does Oliver’s mother know about your working history/past? In the sense that you have had a life of having money and working a lot more and still prefer this? I feel similar and that some people cannot wrap their head around it… I make good money now but work too much and I would much rather the time alone to learn about myself instead of learn traffic patterns so I won’t be late to work!!

It's a bit more complicated than that, in that in order to be in this relationship I basically had to give up my job because I hate having sex and there is no way I can work and have sex in my private life at the same time, so in order to be able to work for my partner I had to give up the work I did for money. To put it very fucking bluntly. And my partner hates the idea of me being a stay at home partner so I have to pretend I want to do things for money. I know I prefer being with my partner to having money so I won't give up the relationship but I do feel a little resentment. He's really accepting of my asexuality and puts zero pressure on me sex wise but I don't think he could do without sex entirely. And it's not a matter of having energy for sex alone, I also wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping with other people and possibly passing STDs to him, not to mention the constant infections that sw causes me which I can handle but become a problem when you have a partner that you also sleep with.

Congrats on making good money, hope the savings and the treats are worth it!

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well honestly using only 1 (!) single moistuizer for ur whole body is such a flex pls what is it?? it's obvi working cause u have such good skin!!

Haha thank you, my rosacea keeps getting a little worse every year cause I hate sunscreen but I was lucky skin wise it's true. I'm using Dermal Therapy, I didn't know the scented ones smelled so trash so I'm using the very dry skin cream now but the fragrance makes you wanna kys. The very dry face one is unscented thank god. The very rough hands one is insane and I'll buy it again even if it's scented. In Germany I used Physiogel which is almost 3 times the price and felt very nice on my body (generally I hate moisturizing, it's sensory hell) but Dermal Therapy is crazy (in that it helps my extremely dry skin better than anything I've tried before) even though it feels very unsophisticated and the bottles are very ugly to look at.

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And obviously Coltrane's My Favorite Things

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First film we watched on our first tv which was funny cause I'd never watched it before but knew the Italian translation of the lyrics to all the songs from hearing my step mom sing them growing up.

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Pfff yesterday with Oliver's mom we were discussing how I should go about selling homemade pasta which is sth I've been thinking about and Oliver kept pushing the idea of opening a business while I'd rather do it more casually and at some point I kinda snapped and was like I want to do this in a way that is comfortable and chill for me, I don't want to end up hating it, I prefer the struggle of being poor to the struggle of deadlines, taxes and all the other job/business stuff. But I said it in a more 'I hate having a job and I'd rather die poor' way, I called having a job an illness, and being poor an illness that I preferred. And then I felt bad and out of place cause Oliver's mom has two brothers who've never had a job and have been on the benefit their whole life bc of depression and she looks down on them. And that's the life I aspire to tbh but I know she'd rather her son was married to someone more ambitious or whatever. To me that's not a matter of ambition obviously. But yeah whenever this topic comes up I feel so out of place and misunderstood. Also I felt embarrassed the whole weekend about spending an hour in the bathroom every morning. I really don't understand how anyone who has a skincare routine does it bc it takes me a whole hour to poop, shower and get dressed and I use one single moisturizer over my whole body.

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I made chatgpt write a poem after rosselli and artaud combined and it came up with a line that Sean could have written, which makes so much sense as Sean loved both but he loved artaud more than I did cause I was such a happy child at the time I didn't get it, otherwise I would have been able to trace back the way in which he used the concept of 'fever' in his work. And Sean is the reason why I have lines such as "it's hot – like a fever outside the body" in my poems which is actually something Juliane said one summer day many years ago. What a trip

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You can make a syrup at home if you like it, check for tutorials but basically you have to pick up flowers or leaves and also fruits, put in boiling water, filter and blend with sugar and water. I made some syrups with poppy flowers, acacia, herbs and trust me every time a put them in a drink or whatever, I enjoy the full experience of making it. To me is the most beautiful way to mantain some simple knowledges that are surviving skills ahaha

Yesss I've mostly made glycerites before and would totally make my own syrup if I could but there are no orange trees in this part of the country. :( I saw a titkok some time ago that went like there are no sauces in Europe lol girl we make our own sauces wtf is 'alfredo' haha.

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I was a yoghurt maker years ago, restarted making it at home due to your posts and it's fuking addictive. Sometikes it comes out more like a kefir, I keep on using a sample of fresh made so it can lose strenght plus i simply put warm milk in a jar wrapped in blankets, I always did like this and I enjoy the taste. With hot weather I'm now into homemade frozen one so thank you so much for brushing up my skill!

Yeee I love that! I still haven't quite figured out why sometimes it turns out thicker and sometimes thinner but milk powder helps with thickness if you can be bothered. I wanna get orange blossom syrup and make a frozen one. I've also started making cheese like mozzarella, ricotta, primosale, paneer... it's a pity that we've all kinda forgotten that this is possible. NZers should totally try making their own cheese instead of spending 20 dollars a block on Tasty. 6 dollars a tiny little ball of mozzarella. Get out of hereee

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I've been on maintenance vaping till I can afford tobacco again and it's like being on life support compared to living but anyway. I went to a vape store bc right as I bought my first disposable they made them illegal and I was trying to figure out how long a pod would last me so I was like how is it compared to this - pointing to my disposable - and she was like how long does that last you, 1-3 days? And I was like the last one lasted me 2 weeks and she was shocked. I just want to smoke my 5 cigarettes a day in peace for gods sake

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Yesterday we went on a crazy road trip through the Catlins with Oliver's mom