wasntwaitin

[wasntwaitin]

i know im gonna kms soon. oh how lovely.

[wasntwaitin]

maybe if i was someone else I'd be liked more. More desirable. And taking seriously.

[wasntwaitin]

I'm not sure how to start this off

or if it'll reach anyone.

but i come to my own conclusion that this life

the life i am currently living

is one huge joke.

i don't really have anything going for myself

i am constantly in this empty circle

i don't have friends.

i don't have any sort of stable relationship.

i am gonna be on my second job

before i find my own person

i think the universe knows

that i'm a horrible guy

i can admit so myself.

i am very avoidant

too lustful

too impulsive at times

i am just about everything a girl hates in a guy

yet i still yearn

i still seek comfort from another..

without the obstacles

without the interruptions

or the runarounds

i just wish to be pursued romantically

to be loved properly.

to create and share moments with a person

to be intimate with a person

i don't want to second guess

or to feel like i am doing too much

or to think that you talking to me is a chore

or to do this out of pity

i am a real loser.

and i can admit that.

the job doesn't make it no better

I'll just be a loser with a job

to touch and feel

and talk and laugh

to reciprocate joy to one body to the other

I'd be truly greatful.. to have my own person

and for her to treat me like everything under the sun and more..

to show that i am willing to sacrifice everything to keep her

to lay my sovereignty on the line..

but all that is a fairytale to me

nobody likes me.

nobody wants me.

nobody desires me.

am i just eye candy?

I'm barely that.

i am.. a hollow shell.

of flesh and bones.

a phantom trying to live a life that its empty

and nobody notice..

a fracture in reality that shouldn't be there.

i can't pretend that i am okay.

i am not. i don't know what to do

but the way it looks, i might not make it past 23.

in case i do take my own life

i am sorry. i was weak.

i was corrupted and sinful

i seek in no deity or god

therefore, I'll return to nothingness

my spirit will be another lost memory in the wind

nobody cares for me

i barely exist to my own family.

i am not scared but, i wish i was cured sooner.

[wasntwaitin]

milkywayy 📿

[wasntwaitin]

if i ever feel.

[wasntwaitin]

what do I even do here?