watch-out-im-gay - Tumblr blog

[watch-out-im-gay]

yo friends are canceled it’s time to start talking to myself again

[watch-out-im-gay]

list of things i want to talk to you about

-read about another person who fucked up making romeo and juliet gay, and my immediate thought was screenshotting it to send it to you. think i deleted the screenshot

-the vamps came out with a new album but it isn’t very good

-fun fanfiction things i see when i’m in a slump

-whatever’s going on in your life :/. hope you’re doing okay

[watch-out-im-gay]

in accordance with the name of this account i'm simping for this hella pretty girl and god help me why's she so pretty

she's like too quiet for me to tell whether she's gay or not (with my severely inaccurate gaydar) so that's In My Way while deciding whether to like allow myself to simp

but i'm simpin anyway and :)) might get the chance to watch a movie next to her this weekend if i finesse myself next to her, but the group's pretty large so might not happen

[watch-out-im-gay]

well i want to motherfucking die again so thank you school and thank you myself for your shitty fucking habits

[watch-out-im-gay]

still sorry though.

sorry at ais******, cha****, ama***, vid****, ana***, and all the people i’ve let down, because most of you? i don’t care about you anymore. so i’m sorry that you got attached, cause i never really stay interested for long. i can feel you gradually givin up on me every time and i’m watchin apathetically because at some point i stopped expecting myself to be a good person. and once i stopped forcing myself to be a good person, you guys were the collateral damage.

i’m trying now though. i’m trying.

i’m a ~diSSAPOINTMENT~~~

[watch-out-im-gay]

but it’s okay i’ve made peace with it because what else can i do? i’m better off than i was before, so even if i’m a disappointment at least i’m disappointing myself less and less as i go. it’s character growth.

and i think it’s been mostly resigned to myself. i think things have improved. i’m not disappointing everyone else. just myself, and i think everyone’s personal standards should be higher than they can actually reach.

that’s how you reach a state of growth. and i think that’s where i am right now. i’m growing.

i’m a ~diSSAPOINTMENT~~~

[watch-out-im-gay]

i’m a ~diSSAPOINTMENT~~~

[watch-out-im-gay]

once i start feeling shitty enough the ~artistic talent~ will come flowing back

i think about that fan who asked taylor swift “how will you write music if you become happy” all the dang time they asked her somethin along those lines and it sounds so ridiculous but pain really is a muse for most people. i know i was damn talented at writing when i was depressed and in a constant daze

[watch-out-im-gay]

everything’s fucking fake. everything i know about myself is fake, and no one knows me well enough for their perception of me to not be fake either. but i keep myself from establishing social bonds on purpose, because i can’t fucking stand closeness or intimacy. 

i think it’s a warning sign when you identify with bojack horseman. i see myself in him and it’s not really the most pleasant feeling. everything the show provides commentary on is also so damn relevant and i hate how deep this show cuts and how thoroughly it gets under your skin.

[watch-out-im-gay]

okay i genuinely feel that shitty shitty shitty feeling where you realize you’re the asshole. you’re the “complicated” character that fucked up, the one that the audience likes but only because the author had to give you a shitty stupid arc to show what you were thinking, to force the audience into understanding you and liking you. because you just aren’t a fucking good person and nothing can fix that, and the only thing the author will ever be able to scrape together is fucking pity from the audience

[watch-out-im-gay]

some who don't know me might ask if i'm lonely.

those who know me better know that of course i'm lonely why would you even ask

[watch-out-im-gay]

embracing my inevitable character resolution as a hedonist

[watch-out-im-gay]

sometimes you agree and disagree with someone on principle rather than by actual feeling

[watch-out-im-gay]

online school is shit lol i’m listening to conan gray and 5 seconds of summer’s new albums and i don’t even like them that much but i can’t stop listening. that means i like them in the way people care about, i suppose.

school’s shit man. so so shit right now. it’s a learning process though; i need self discipline don’t i? this is the way to get it. it’ll suck but it’ll force me to get there

[watch-out-im-gay]

self improvement is fun and all but like my man, my dude, my friend, my good gal, my fine fucker,,,,who the fuck has the time or the energy for that

[watch-out-im-gay]

yeah man this shit sucks

[watch-out-im-gay]

honestly i find it odd that relationships can mean so much one second and lose all that for no damned reason

do i blame that on my brain or myself?