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So this might be a long one sorry...

//Ok so a lot has happened, one of those things is shit went down and all the savings I had for my trip to the States was taken by a bill. I tried everything to try and find a way of getting money for the trip and it is just not gonna happen unless Centrelink stops fucking me around and pays me the money I am owed and puts me on disability.

I did get somewhere at least with Centrelink when I called yesterday and they have put a complaint down on my file to let the appeal peeps know because I put my appeal in in February and it is almost October so it’s been a long ass time.

And of course when it rains it pours so my dysphoria has been at an all time high, I have been dealing with a lot of chest dysphoria because when people see me they don’t hear the deep voice or the way I dress, they see my chest and think straight away that I must be female and that’s not a great feeling. I have also been thinking a lot about my options for top surgery and although I would rather go to a surgeon in America or Canada because surgeons have more experience with top surgery than those here in Australia, I have decided to go to either New South Wales (Sydney) or Victoria (Melbourne) because the Surgeon here in Brisbane... I don’t like her results and I don’t like the fact that with larger chests, which I have, she does two separate surgeries, I don’t like how the nipples look and her general treatment of her patients isn’t great and she is the only surgeon in Brisbane and she isn’t planning to teach anyone because she wants to keep the being the only one available because money.

There are more surgeons in Sydney and Melbourne, they seem to have better results and some of them don’t need to preform two surgeries. I am thinking Melbourne is my prefered choice because I have family there, it will take me three years to save up the money once I am on disability payments because I can get a pay out every six months as well as being on top hospital cover with my current insurance the hospital stay and all that jazz is covered as well as part of the surgery, I plan to save up more than I need so I am covered if any other costs come up, or if I decide to go to Sydney instead I’ll need to stay there for at least a week to recover before I can fly back. I am also aiming to do this in Winter ‘cause fucking recovering from top surgery and sweating bullets.

So yeah that’s where I am at at the moment, the fact that I won’t be soending mine and Jay’s one year anniversary together sucks major ass. But it’s how it is.

I am also going to officially put this blog on hiatus I just don’t have the mental capacity to roleplay right now and being on this blog and not really contributing to it kinda makes me feel worse.

I will however be active on my personal blog @musical-limbo where you can all see my obsession with @thearcanagame and my ranting and raving like a mad man about the governments of the world and other fandom stuff (yes YOI of course will be included). I honest do care and love you all, this community is beautiful and amazing and helped me so much through a really bad time last year, and of course it is how Jay and I met it is why YOI holds a special place in my heart. You are all beautiful amazing people and I am so privileged to have met you all, do not doubt how much you all mean to me. Not to mention the talent of writing and art I have seen from you all is astounding.

If you have managed to make it all the way to the end thank you very much!! And I am sorry that I ramble on so much. I love you and I do hope to be back at some point.

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//So I have this bet thing going with my older brother that if I grow a better beard them him he’ll shave his off and keep it shaved, so lets hope that it turns out good

Yeah so here’s an update of sorts, I noticed this today when I was doing my skincare stuff that my whispies have gotten darker and I think that’s really cool!! Also bless @lush_ausnz for the skincare range it has saved me from getting major breakouts ‘cause of the #testosterone #darkangels and #teatree spray has really helped my skin so thanks for that!! #hrtupdate #hrt #hrtjourney #ftm #trans #transgender #transman #transmasc https://www.instagram.com/p/BnlzhiVlSER/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16b3v1azogcmm

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//Yeah so this is me now, I’m actually surprised by how much my face has changed, I guess I didn’t see the changes ‘cause I see my face everyday but there you go

So I was gonna say that I hadn’t changed much until I saw the photos side by side and damn I have changed. The 19th is my 6 month mark on #testosterone and that is so wild to me, after waiting so many years I honestly thought back then that I would never be at this point but here I am. My #hrt journey has shown me that I am a very hairy boi and I may end up being the guy in the family with the deepest voice so that’s a thing. I am beyond grateful to my family and friends for supporting me and of course my lovely @gayjaycosplay for keeping me centred and helping me through my dark times, my one hope is that documenting these changes and my journey will help someone have hope for their hrt journey #hrtjourney #ftm #trans #transgender #transman #transmasc https://www.instagram.com/p/BnlySZzF6zp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1hxmc7msp6s4l

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//Ok so yeah I’ve been really shit with keeping this blog active and I’m really sorry, the whole stress that’s been going on with my trip to the US has been getting to me. Because of things we could not see coming Jay now has to find an apartment with his best friend for me to stay there. It just really can’t be helped, so until I get the go ahead from them I can’t book my flight and I have cosplays I need to get done which I was hoping I could do in the States in August but that’s just not happening obviously

So as soon as I get to PA I gotta hit the ground running with my cosplay and hope that the wigs arrive in time for the con so it’ll be a bit stressful but I know that Jay have his own space will be really worth it and the time away at the con surrounded by good people who care about him I hope will really help ease some of the negative stuff going on in his head

As for me I’m doing good, I’ve got wverything I need for the trip and I’m so looking forward to holding Jay in my arms and just giving him all the love face to face

Feeling fresh and clean, doing my best to look after my skin so I can hopefully have some kind of control over it, I know it’s ‘cause of the #testosterone so it may not do much but I’m will to try Also put on clean clothes, didn’t go anywhere but I thought it best to get in the habit of wear something other than pj’s, plus I also really wanted to wear my #deathlyhallows shirt ‘cause at the end of the day I’m a #nerd https://www.instagram.com/p/BnOEt8llLT2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=xys7p3tqtc96

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JUST LET ME BE.

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//Why does my hair hate me? Why can’t just stay flat?! I look like a bloody galah!!

Well it was nice while it lasted, I think the reason why it was flat was because I blow dried it but I don’t want to do that every timeI have a shower ‘causeI don’t want to give my hair heat damage #whymustmyhairdothistome #iwillrememberyou https://www.instagram.com/p/BnDxj5bl-hp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hl5nwcqlkk18

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//It’s all misty!! It’s so pretty!! I love it when this happens

It’s all foggy and pretty!! https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm8bGdIl7r8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=qbheulf09fpg

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Just another #selfie ‘cause I’m bored and I’m really liking my hair https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm8W8ZBFuAK/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=qkp0u43ypu8h

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Maine is being all cute again all snuggled up in the blanket #mainethecat #catsofinstagram #petsofinstagram #cat #familypet #mylittlegirl #kitty https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm7j2CbFcFv/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=etas7gxsmg4j

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//I’m really loving my hair, the colours came out really well and I hope that it fades nicely

My hair hasn’t gone all crazy!! I think it’s finally starting to settle, well at least I hope it is The colours came out really vibrant and rich which I love, really happy with it!! #hair #hairdye #darehaircolour #darehairdye https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm5FAD6l_OV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=s58e0115pntn

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I really like how it turned out, the red and purple work really well together #hair #hairdye #haircolour #darehaircolour #darehairdye https://www.instagram.com/p/Bm2zDBulQIV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=uhghq2cx5rjt

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Me knowing that “tfw” means “that feeling when”:

A text post: tfw

My last brain cell: the fucking what

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commission for @gabzjones ^w^

HAPPY BOYS!!!! <3 <3 <3 

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💙

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Yuuri doing the What the Fluff! challenge to Makkachin

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REBLOG if you have amazing talented artist friends!