weedseagirl - Tumblr blog

[weedseagirl]

weeks of pretending its warmer than it is

[weedseagirl]

[weedseagirl]

björk and i know something you don’t ..

[weedseagirl]

[SC-S]

[weedseagirl]

[Sony Cyber-Shot]

Still very lonely. I don't really get it, when I like someone all I want to do is spend time with them. But for the people I like it's not the same at all. I get sad being the clingy one in every relationship. Can't the other person want me the same amount? Sure, I like my alone time.. I guess I've just had too much of it.

[weedseagirl]

Room:

Things are going well, I think they will continue to go well. It's hard not having my friends around but I think I'm doing some good work on myself genuinely. I think when they do start talking to me again they will be happy to have their old friend back. I'm glad I'm not hurting anyone anymore. I'm glad I don't have anything to hide.

I put up some of my paper items that I've been holding onto. Posters, prints, postcards, photos. I put up some I got in Japan. Japan has changed me in ways I couldn't have imagined... I can't believe I was scared to go, and I was even thinking of backing out of it! I'm so glad I went, I wish I had written more while I was there but I'm not too sad about it because I know I will go back at some point. When I talk to people about Japan it feels like they aren't really listening. I don't blame them, it's not the same just hearing about it. But I want to talk about it all the time; relive it and share it with everyone. I'm going to go back and make it my thing, then you won't be able to separate my Japan talk from my normal conversation topics and you'll have to listen hehehe.

[weedseagirl]

⋆｡𖦹˚.★

⋆｡𖦹˚.★

Not all friends have left me though. My tumbleweedgirl is in the desert while I stay by the ocean. I miss her dearly, but we talk very often. I dream of living with her one day in Japan. I am grateful for the friends who do stick around through the rough patches, even if they are few. Quality over quantity...

[weedseagirl]

Sometimes friends make mistakes, terrible and hurtful mistakes. Despite this it is your responsibility as a friend to ask yourself why someone you love has hurt you. This is out of character for them, perhaps I should offer them support towards becoming the good friend I know once again.

I made some mistakes but everyone is treating me like these mistakes are a fact of my character. I have been allotted no nuance or sympathy, no one is looking at the friend I have been just the enemy I've become. I don't think these are the friends I want at all, I don't want to be exiled when I've done something wrong, I want others to see me grow from my mistakes. If a friend were in my situation I'd like to think that I'd be there at the finish line cheering them on, hoping and wishing and helping them become the best version of themselves. A friend told me that they wanted me to be the best version of myself in order to encourage me to own up to a terrible thing I did. But upon telling the truth, their support vanished. I feel resentful towards my friends who have ostracized me. I know I have done wrong, and I know that the person I harmed deserves time to grieve my betrayal; but are friends supposed to turn their backs on you when you're at your worst? I am getting better and righting my wrongs: the friend I want to be certainly wouldn't.

[weedseagirl]

I love deer

A lot has happened in my life this summer. Mostly bad things. I think this is a period of uncomfortable growth and self discovery. I have made many mistakes but I am starting to learn why I did the things I did. Sometimes you just have to be alone to figure it out. School will be starting again soon and I'm enjoying my job. I like having money as well, who doesn't. I started a new journal. Things are bad now but I can see how they can be better once I get better.

[weedseagirl]

I find it very hard to deal with miserable situations. It seems like other people can deal with them just fine, but I seem to see them for just how cosmically miserable they are in the huge huge pointless picture. It literally makes me tear my hair out sometimes. I wish I were back in Japan wandering around or shopping for cute stickers that I'll use in my journal. I just have to get through this leg of my journey and then I'll be okay, it just never feels that way. My lovely items got lost in the scuffle, I hope they are okay and that they will return to my inventory soon...

[weedseagirl]

Back from my month in Japan. I have been back in North America for one day and I already miss Kyoto. I think I could really live there and be happy. I will at least go there again for study abroad I think. I think I will minor in Japanese at my new school and then go again. It was such a wonderful experience. These past few days of being stuck in and around airports has made me miss how convenient Japan is. I am excited to be going home to my friends and my beautiful home that is so green in the summer, but I will miss Japan a lot I think. I made a really good friend on this trip but we won't see each other for awhile. I hope he and I can take over Japan again in the future, that would be nice. I am typing this mostly because I am starting to feel very grim in this airport. I am trying to keep myself positive and distracted as I still have a few good hours until I'm home.

[weedseagirl]

Well if I am going to be philosophical and melancholy anywhere, Japan seems like the best place to do it.

=^-^=

Obviously, I am a multi-faceted person, so do not be fooled by my love for all things soft and adorable, I am still capable of great thought and anger.

[weedseagirl]

Fushimi Inari Shrine

Wherever you go, there you are.

Feeling quite tired and melancholy, but in this moment I have been struck with a clarity about life. Men never give more happiness than they take. Time and time again they disappoint you. Every disappointment is a reminder of things past. Perhaps it is not you who angers me, but your silence looks like his indifference, and I cannot help but feel victimized by it.

I have recently learned about the Japanese concept of Kami, it is very interesting to me and I deeply resonate with it. Many times I have been struck with awe, usually when I am alone in nature. In these moments of awe I feel an emotional pull that can only be described as a religious experience. This, if I have learned it correctly, is a reaction to Kami in the natural world. The concept of kami is comforting to me.

This resonance with Kami has lead me to think more deeply about things in my life, and although I am filled with rage towards men who have wronged me, I feel at the same time almost stoic about this mistreatment. It is just me in this world, I do not need romantic love to fulfill me, for I can find awe in anything. This awe is more than myself, it is proof of a larger picture, a ruling universe.

[weedseagirl]

stunning album

[weedseagirl]

[weedseagirl]

someone is always listening, let this bring you comfort. You are heard and protected. This has nothing to do with religion, but this little statuette made me think.

[weedseagirl]

up and down