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I loved you like nothing else existed.

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I don't know how to deal with your absence.

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June 1909 Aleksandr Blok (1880-1921), Selected Poems

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#You

How do I say I miss you in a way that will make your heart ache as mine does.

Mahmoud Darwish

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Life doesn't end when the person you love doesn't choose you.

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#She

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i keep everything in because explaining is harder.

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Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.

John Green / Paper Towns

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The darkness i keep

I smile with my whole face,

tell others to hold on,

to breathe through the storm,

to believe that the sun always returns.

I send heart emojis,

type "you’ve got this!"

like I mean it — and I do.

For them.

I pour love into people

like I was made for it.

Offer up hope like water.

Remind them they matter.

And I never lie.

I see their light,

even when they don’t.

But when I’m alone —

the echo comes back.

A soft, sharp voice

that whispers what no one else hears:

You’re always cheering from the sidelines,

but no one ever saves a seat for you.

It’s quiet, cruel.

I scroll through photos

of people choosing each other,

over and over again —

in love, in friendship,

in the smallest ways that matter most.

And I wonder what it feels like

to be the first thought.

To be someone’s "I need you"

instead of always being

the one who reassures,

but never leans.

I try to push it down,

replace it with kindness,

with gratitude,

with perspective.

But the bad thoughts come back

like the tide —

soft at first,

then all-consuming.

I don’t want to be bitter.

I want to stay soft.

I want to keep believing.

But some nights,

some days,

the loneliness is louder

than all the light I give away.

And I wonder —

if I ever broke down,

would anyone know how to hold me?

would anyone notice?

Or would they simply say,

"But you’re always the strong one."

And leave.

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— Mallory Pearson, from “The Heaviest Rain We Ever Had,” in Kingdoms in the Wild (via lunamonchtuna)

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I never stopped loving you. Not for a minute, not for a second. I have you inside me like a disease.

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This isn't love — it's madness, and I never want to be cured.

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“Funny how silence can be the loudest sound of all.”

— Lauren Oliver, Vanishing Girls