weepy-the-clown

[weepy-the-clown]

Hmm...where do I even begin?

I'm trying to contain my emotions and feelings for you but it's so hard. Like the moment you message me I can't help but run to you.

It's not right nor fair...I really need to give you your space but I can't help but think about you constantly..when you go missing for hours I check my phone as if you are already mine. I know I'm delusional lol.

My heart is constantly anxious and heavy no matter what happens until I'm with you I feel okay.

I tried to find friends or people to just be acquainted with or maybe a future partner. Didn't work out at all. I blocked the guy that played with me the other night when I thanked you for saving me. I just can't stand people at all. Ughh I'm sorry I'm like I can't help it I'm trying my best to be a good person that gets along with others but I can't.

Maybe I should distant myself? Or...just fake it till I make it 😌👍.

I really don't want to overwhelm you with my feelings so please don't worry about anything I'm always ready to talk about anything you need. ❤️‍🩹

Just don't start focusing on my feelings you should continue to work on yourself. I'm proud of you 💜

[weepy-the-clown]

im losing my mind!!!! >///<

[weepy-the-clown]

Cómo puedo ser nomas tu amiga ..?

Cuando me abrumo tanto y me siento confuso contigo... también hago mucho ruido y me importa un carajo ahhhhh, no puedo seguir teniendo estos pensamientos sobre ti... lo siento.

It's not right.

[weepy-the-clown]

It's been 2 weeks now and All I want to do lately is SH. The first time I relapsed was that horrible day of meeting him and leaving 3 days after. I was clean for a month and relapsed again last month till now....I can't stop it helps calm the overwhelming feelings and distracts my mind so I feel pain somewhere else and not in my chest or head.

I'm scared I got addicted to this feeling of relief after a Fruit ninja session on my body but god.... it's the only thing that helps when I'm not distracted some other way. It tends to happen out of impulse or I seem to plan it at times...I don't know what's going on but God fucking damnit... I'm trying....

[weepy-the-clown]

I miss you so much....I'm so sorry....

I regret this option so much.... I know you will struggle there but it's all I had...and now I'm getting blamed for it. You were my baby and I watched you grow up and took care of you when you were sick.

I really hope they are being patient with you and trying to help....I'm very worried since I haven't seen you on the list yet....

[weepy-the-clown]

MY BABIESSS ARE HERE!!!!!

Deadass so fucking Happy they make my desk look so beautiful now 🥺🥺✨💜

My sister saw me set the acrylic stands and decided to help me and then proceeded to add her favorite BL couple. I can't wait to get more stuff I'm hoping to get a candy stand so she can be with her dad's 🥺🤍🩵

[weepy-the-clown]

Ight chat I got news that you didn't ask for

So ummm I shall be getting a psychiatrist eventually in the meantime I will be on a different antidepressant so yuh that's fun. Let's hope I don't actually fucking kms.

Anywho, getting some glasses because I'm sorta blind now??!?!! (I'm exaggerating) I just have a slight problem with my right eye but with my glasses I shall be fine after some time😌✨

Depression is fun. 🤙

[weepy-the-clown]

Nah I've come to the conclusion after observing myself for some time.

I am not seasonally depressed anymore but fucking clinically depressed. I hate it so much it's so hard to do anything bruh.

I'm trying to do better for myself but getting up just hurts a lot. I honestly just want to get away from everyone but I promised my friend I wouldn't push people away it's just so hard to finally have someone I could rely on and someone who actually believes and takes my side.....I don't know how to handle all of that.

The hopelessness is exhausting and the thoughts are just as worse.

But at least LITC keeps me sane for some time. I found a new story to read it seems interesting so far I just want to keep myself busy but it's hard when my energy drains so fast.

Now what do I do? I CAN'T be like this forever. I'll figure something out... hopefully.

[weepy-the-clown]

[weepy-the-clown]

Is somebody gonna match my freak? (Double suicide)

[weepy-the-clown]

will i always be this angry?

[weepy-the-clown]

[weepy-the-clown]

Having AvPD is like: I’m so open, everyone knows everything about me. That’s terrifying, everyone must hate how much I share. God I feel so exposed I feel sick. And the last time you opened up to someone was October of 2021 when you told your mom you were a little stressed.

[weepy-the-clown]

[weepy-the-clown]

there’s a part of me that wants to be completely and utterly alone. then there’s the other part that desperately clings to anyone i care about. i feel rather pathetic either way.

[weepy-the-clown]

If you let me control your every move I would make sure you were never exposed to those hurtful people. You could stay locked in my house forever while I shower you with gifts and compliments and the universe would never hear you cry in pain again. Doesn’t that sound fantastic? You don’t have to worry about anything, just let me handle it love. I promise you can trust me.

[weepy-the-clown]