wehaveabullyingproblem - Tumblr blog

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

I refuse to reblog callout posts because I'm a prison abolitionist

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

the real “problem with political correctness” is not that it’s considered offensive to use slurs, but that there are now many “progressive” environments where saying the right things is more important than doing the right thing. it’s why it’s so easy for abusers to gain traction in leftist circles (they learn the right words quickly and employ them to frame their own behavior as progressive); it’s why so much potential activist energy gets poured into fighting about language; it’s why moderate liberals didn’t believe fer/guson had a problem until the police emails with actual racist language were leaked. (you can do racist things, you just can’t SAY racist things.) i don’t have a neat conclusion here but a related point is that i’m so much happier since i started focusing on like, being a good kind caring person instead of trying to remove the word “crazy” from the vocabulary of everyone in my family

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

john green didn’t “deserve” the way that early ‘10s tumblr treated him technically, but I feel like the discussion around whether he “deserved” it or not is completely missing the point. he was an adult in a space that was largely recreationally used by teenagers. why would he not get the substitute teacher treatment. what else did you think would occur here.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

The correct retort is, I believe: “Come here and kill me yourself, wimp.”

You know it DOES strike a nerve with me that for many queer youth (particularly the terminally online), one standard insult is "kill yourself."

It strikes a nerve because of how I know that, within our community, rates of depression and mental illness with suicidal ideation are abnormally high. And because on multiple occasions when I pointed out the elevated rates of trans suicide to cis people in hopes to garner sympathy for our cause- people literally responded to my face, "So I see the problem works itself out. Good."

That is an exact quote. And it has stuck with me for years.

Bigots are literally calling for our deaths. They encourage trans youth to kill themselves. They prefer it if we die.

And then young people within the community turn around and weaponize that same language to stab at each other and pretend that it doesn't have ill effects on us as a collective. As if telling another queer person to kill themselves over a bad opinion, poor conduct, or something as trivial as fiction or an interpersonal disagreement does not in fact enforce and legitimize the threat of violence against us.

No- I don't think you should tell anyone to kill themselves. I don't take joy in this cruelty. I have been cruel before, and I've long since had my fill of it.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

It feels like a lot of people have absorbed the idea that "Being mean is good!" without understanding why a lot of meanness exists and is in some ways encouraged in progressive spaces, and this leads to mean behavior being directed at intracommunity targets.

Being a mean gay is not about being shitty to your bisexual neighbor, it's about standing up to his shitty mom and telling him to get in your car, he doesn't have to stay under her roof.

Being a mean trans person isn't about being an asshole to people with neogenders, it's about being up in the face of people refusing to respect the pronouns of neogender people.

Being a mean disabled person isn't about dunking on people with "lesser" disabilities, it's about being utterly obstinate to abled people insistent that they can't possibly give accommodations for "just" that.

Being a mean marginalized person is something that you direct at people and systems directly and currently causing harm. Not at people you think have it easier than you. That is a lot harder to do. It's a lot of work. But if you're not willing to direct it at the right targets, then you are not just a dick, you are actively degrading solidarity and harming everyone in your community.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

What does the arab in your carrd mean? Is it like afab and amab?

.. i’m palestinian

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

Solidarity, not allies.

The more I look at it, the more I think one of the worst thing to happen was that people started replacing the concept of solidarity with the concept of allies.

Solidarity was this amazing idea that we’re all getting screwed over by the systems and the way we fight back is by working together. And that means doing work against forms of oppression that you don’t experience and following the lead of people who experience that form of oppression because it’s their struggle. But you’re there as a partner, as a comrade. And you know they’ll be there for you if you need help in your part of the struggle. That’s solidarity.

Allyship has none of that. it’s a one-way relationship that carries in it a form of authority, and where there is authority there is harm. The failures of this system are everywhere.

You have the exploitative savior ally who is always looking to find the most oppressed group to ally themselves for in order too look like the coolest person, pushing themselves into spaces and exploiting people’s struggles for ally points.

You have the perfectionist ally who will only ever do work once they’re sure that they’re found the most perfecrt ‘grassroots’, never problematic in any way movement, rehardless of where their help is actually needed and useful.

You have the drone ally, only ever following directions and wasting all their potential to contribute anything meaningful, terrified of doing any thinking or acting for themselves that may at some point set them ‘called out’. 

You have the oppressed person or group who sees allies as convenient punching bag to work out their rage on, piling on them the hatred and contempt they wish they could pile on the system.

You have the oppressed person or group that treats allies as defined entirely by their allyhood, ignoring that they have struggles of their own and treating them as disposable. Shouting ‘allies to the front’ when the police brutality hits without a thought to the previous traumas and vulnerabilities of individual allies.

In all of these ways and more we are hurting each other, feeling unsafe around each other, becoming estranged and embittered with oneanother.

The concept of privilege has brought us some very useful things that help us be better activists and better humans to each other, but when I look at the way that is translated to the concept of allies, I mostly see us being worse activists and worse humans to each other than we are when we act out of the concept of solidarity. Being in this fight together means taking care of each other.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

The hard truth about autism acceptance that a lot of people don't want to hear is that autism acceptance also inherently requires acceptance of people who are just weird.

And yes, I mean Those TM people. Middle schoolers who growl and bark and naruto run in the halls. Thirtysomethings who live with their parents. Furries. Fourteen-year-olds who identify as stargender and use neopronouns. Picky eaters. Adults in fandoms. People who talk weird. People who dress weird.

Because autistic people shouldn't have to disclose a medical diagnosis to you to avoid being mocked and ostracized for stuff that, at absolute worst, is annoying. Ruthlessly deriding people for this stuff then tacking on a "oh, but it's okay if they're autistic" does absolutely nothing to help autistic people! Especially when undiagnosed autistic people exist.

Like it or not, if you want to be an ally to autistic people, you're going to have to take the L and leave eccentric, weird people alone. Even if you don't know them to be autistic. You shouldn't be looking for Acceptable Reasons to be mean to people in the first place. Being respectful should be the default.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

I've said this before and I'll say it again: it's more important to know and understand fully why something is harmful than it is to drop everything deemed problematic. It's performative and does nothing. People wonder why nobody has critical thinking skills and this is part of it because no one knows how to simousltansly critique and consume media. You need to use discernment.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

Offense intended, some of you are dumb

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

the pride flag industrial complex

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: it’s more important to know and understand fully why something is harmful than it is to drop everything deemed problematic. It’s performative and does nothing. People wonder why nobody has critical thinking skills and this is part of it because no one knows how to simousltansly critique and consume media. You need to use discernment.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

So many anti friend groups are just straight up cults and it's genuinely terrifying to see and be part of.

If you're scared of your friends for whatever reason, it you're scared of liking being in a specific fandom or liking a specific ship because you think you'll lose all your friends over it, if your friend group is essentially built on the idea that you're all good and everyone else is bad, if your friends use social ostracization and online stalking and harassment campaigns as threats and weapons, if your friends use fear and moral panic to keep people in line. . . . .

Please get out of there. This isn't even about shipping or fandom or whatever, it's about staying safe and not getting sucked into a literal cult. Cut them off, block them on all your social media, remake accounts if you need to, and make new friends who don't leave you feeling like you're walking on eggshells around them. Just stay safe.

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

[wehaveabullyingproblem]

now that i’m 25 (which apparently makes you “old” on tumblr, though the only place i feel old is in my joints) i feel it’s worth making a point of saying this because i’m really just… so tired.

community infighting and exclusionism doesn’t help anyone. bi people are not benefited by “keeping out” pan people; all it does is alienate people who could have been your friends and comrades. trans and queer aces are not benefited by “keeping out” cis, straight aces; all it does is alienate people who could have been your friends and comrades. “acceptable” trans people (whatever the fuck that means) are not benefited by “keeping out” xenogender people and neopronoun-users; all it does is alienate people who could have been your friends and comrades. people who use a single broad label are not benefited by “keeping out” multi-label and microlabel users; all it does is alienate people who could have been your friends and comrades.

lgbt+ people are not benefited by “keeping out” mogai people. those are broadly the same communities, and mogai includes the l, g, b, and t. stop allowing us to be driven apart over respectability politics.

actual cishets — by which i mean people with full access to straight and cis privilege, which does not include a great deal of aspec, intersex, gnc, and even polyamorous people, and doesn’t include closeted people either no matter how hard you might pretend it does — aren’t going to respect you more because you dunk on the rest of us. you’re just bullying for no reason. i’m not putting up with it — i haven’t been putting up with it, and i won’t start now just because y’all decided it’s okay to attack this or that identity again. it’s always “again”; we’ve done this before and those people are still here, because they belong here and they’re welcome here. get over it.