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“Thats fucking mad”

Me when I burp in the middle of a meal and Actually sToP eaTIng it because my body is telling me I am full.

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Someone go on a sushi date with me!

I want a cute sushi first date with someone who I can see myself falling in love with so gosh darn bad.

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August 27, 2017

So

I am in Morocco I feel ugly I feel like a waste of space I feel useless I feel like I am wasting money and I feel guilty.Took a depression test today scored a D aka 68 out of 100 percent.

Started the week here off nicely. Talked to almost everyone and made “friends”/ people I can converse with when I have to. I know there is nothing deeper to these relationships so far because I am not a personality type that is similar to anyone else’s here so far. Only have met the international kids though so there is time. I can talk to almost anyone when I have to but there is no deeper connection and I do not think I can ever find that. I hope someone will be able to love me someday but I do not think it is going to happen anytime soon. Trying to fix myself; becoming skinnier, becoming more outgoing, becoming more confident, becoming more attractive/ charming, becoming more useful and efficient, becoming more. Trying to atleast doing mediocre but I know people ca see right through all the facades. Still do not who I am and I don’t know when I will or if I ever will but I deeply hope it I soon because I am not sure how long I can carry on.

Hate being dramatic and childish. Want to be an adult. I constantly feel totally neutral there is literally no feeling. I laugh when I am supposed to or think I am supposed to. I pay attention when I am supposed to. I understand everything around me when I am supposed to. I want to be liked but more than that I want to be loved. I want to feel beautiful and needed and like I have place in the world where I am useful.

Hate thinking about all this all the time and coming back to this stage where I keep having to reflect and analyze.

I love my family and I know they love me a lot. Don’t want to hurt them but other than that not sure why I am still here. I am gross I don’t want to die and cause trouble but I truly and deeply wish I never existed all the time. It is a waste of other people’s love towards me (family), time, money, space, and resources.

I just keep going because I am supposed to. I know the rules and I try to follow every single one of them in social and other situations like I am supposed to. I hate myself I hate everything about this my life my thoughts my body my mind.

I get drunk I spew bullshit I don’t act on anything. I am poison I am negativity I am inaction I am Hatred.

Yet, after all, these thoughts are there but I FEEL NOTHING at all. Constantly neutral. I can not cry. I can not feel sad or happy or anything. I feel embarrassed sometimes I feel awkward I feel anxiety I feel supportive of others I feel like sad when I am stuck on a certain fact or when I get stuck on the turmoil others are face while I am here doing nothing but having all the upper hands in life.

Constantly neutral. Have no intuition. Constantly neutral.

Every day: get ready, be social, do everything you are supposed to do, go party and be social but be careful and remain perfectly social and nice and normal throughout the night, then go to sleep. Repeat.

I like to meet the new people and see the new sights and understand the new social and other rules. But everything else is the same there is no paradigm shift.

I don’t feel tired or drowsy or weak. I feel totally neutral ALL THE TIME. I Like to feel angry because atlas I am FEEELING something. Why don’t I feel anything! Why am I SO FUCKING PITIFUL why am I so ugly inside and out.

How can I literally feel Nothing or Neutral inside and carry out such normal or kinda decent conversations with others just because I now know and can follow the social rules?! Be funny be funny be funny don’t say anything unless it REALLY adds to the conversation or it is FUNNY. DONT be Boring be funny be likable be charming be pretty be strong be positive be normal be normal be normal.

Who the Fuck AM I Who am I who am I who am I who am I who am I who am I who am I who am I who am I who am I who am I

Pitiful. Disgusting, Unnecessary. 
Loved by family so alive otherwise gone.

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@thespectacularspider-girls daily workout routine :D

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Pre workout feeeeelzzzz

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this is the funniest weight loss inspiration i have ever seen and yet I am inspired if this fat squirrel can steal an avocado pit my fat ass can hit the gym more

For more weight loss motivation click here

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For More Tips Please Visit: www.TopHealthMag.com

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For More Tips Please Visit: www.TopHealthMag.com

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Well if nothing else… There’s definitely a change in the level of #confidence 😂😂 and also the arms. Check out my arms!! 7-8kgs (15-17lbs) between pictures!! #letsdothis #nolimits #weightloss #weightlossjourney #fit #fitfam #fitness #fitnessjourney #beforeafter #beforeandafter #funeralformyfat #progress #slowprogress #slowprogressisstillprogress #powerlifting #weightlossprogress

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Women are told it is unfeminine and gross to have muscles and to cultivate strength, which in turn leads them to actively avoid doing things that will build muscles and strength, which then makes them even less capable of doing things that require strength, which the critics then use as proof of women’s inherent physical frailty. And so the cycle continues…

Women’s difficulty with pull-ups is about more than biology | Fit and Feminist  (via yourloveishauntingme)

File under: reasons to get swole

(via veganomalous)

Brb gettin HUGE

(via fleur-de-maladie)

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men’s back muscles let you know that god is real

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Six Months to Sexy Legs ~ Travel Workout