weirbeast

[weirbeast]

[weirbeast]

we know leliana and zevran are bisexual bc the rogue armor comes with those cunty little dog collars

[weirbeast]

[weirbeast]

Listen up. A monkey's paw fucks up your wish because it's designed that way. You can't perfectly phrase a monkey's paw wish. If you did manage to come up with a way for you to get exactly what you want without some horrible ironic consequence you'd probably just also get cancer or something

A genie will grant your wish however they see fit. Your wording doesn't matter. If they like you they'll grant the spirit of your wish. If they don't they'll fuck you up somehow. Depends on if the genie likes you. If you find the genie in the wild and do them a favor it's much more likely to go your way than if you found them imprisoned inside an object, but even then they may be amenable to granting you a nice wish or two depending on their mood and disposition

It's only fairies that fuck with your wording to be quite honest

Moral of the story is a genie is actually your safest bet

[weirbeast]

hey! we thought this might be coming and here it is. and it sucks! mass vaccination is one of our best tools at preventing the spread of COVID. public comment is open until 11:59 PM EDT on the 23rd of May.

you can leave a comment here:

you can leave an anonymous comment, but usually non-anonymous ones do carry more weight.

[weirbeast]

[weirbeast]

best internet advice is do not get popular at all like. at all when u are 15. do not.

[weirbeast]

Before getting wine drunk you MUST consider if you have a man you can feel up. If not, you must seriously consider if you are ready to be wine drunk without having a man to feel up and do not overestimate your mental fortitude

[weirbeast]

me when someone abruptly asks me if i want to go and do something fun together but the fun thing wasn't part of my daily plan:

[weirbeast]

Average British Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Born in Hong Kong, raised in Singapore, Kingston and Oxford, he kissed his first girl at the tender age of 38. He spent 23 years obsessively writing notes for his epic masterwork, the Sword of Gormenlia series, with elements drawn from Indian mysticism, Arthurian mythos, Surrealist poetry, Victorian racism and Radical beliefs[?]. He died in Cyprus where he owned the world's most beautiful houseboat.

Average American Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Born on the border between Ohio and Montana, Wizjeremiah VanderMcDercken, better known by his pseudonym John "Wizard" Whiteman, was raised in a ghost town and was the only citizen of his county who could read. At the age of 14, he stole a car and drove 30 hours straight to New York City to send his first story "The Alien was Really a Man" to Astounding Stories, for which he was paid a whopping 12$. A string of successes followed, including "The Man was Really a Robot" "The Alien was Really a Wizard" and "The Wizard is Really a Man When You Think About It". He harassed Samuel R. Delany for twelve years over a mild criticism of one of his now out-of-print novels. Died in Yonkers where he had a condo.

Average Canadian Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Born just outside of Toronto

Average French Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Despite publishing over 170 novels over a period of fifty years, no one outside of France, or indeed within France, knows who Jean Messac is. Left on the steps of a convent in the south of France, he soon learned to hate the nuns, the books in the local library, Parisians, Americans, specifically the citizens of Syria, the Dominican Republic and Bulgaria, the French literary establishment, Regionalist writers, Sartre, De Gaulle, Casimir, anyone who appeared on TV, Radio, Newspapers and Photographs. He lived in a shoebox gifted to him as a joke from André Breton. He was a high school teacher and wrote for a variety of magazines and publishers, was institutionalized three times and was a Majdanek survivor. His books have all been translated in Russia and Japan following a popular JRPG adapting his saga "Pox-Children of the Kamchadals". He died in the same city where he spent his entire life at the age of 64.

[weirbeast]

There's never a bad version of "Emmrich feels conflicted about jacking off to Rook" (delicious, keep it up guys) but can I just say my favorite version of this is taking it to its natural conclusion.

Emmrich, a gentleman, refuses to continue after the first time or two his base impulses get the best of him.

But the problem, see, is that his little... fascination... with Rook does not improve with time. Eventually, Rook is the only thing he can think about.

So he stops touching himself entirely.

Unfortunately for Emmrich, killing gods takes rather a lot longer than one would hope. The first couple weeks are fine, of course. Perhaps even the first month. Emmrich is a man who knows how to handle himself. But the days wear on, and Emmrich only grows more and more reactive, more desperate. He flusters easily; he very quietly gets riled up, with nothing to betray him but a faint blush and the frozen, mortified expression of a Victorian gentleman with considerably more honor than good sense.

This isn't the first time this has happened to him, but it dawns on him slowly that the last two crushes he strangled in this fashion were on academics. His contact with Rook is in admittedly more... vigorous contexts. There's rather a lot of delicious muscle being flexed, incredible feats of athleticism, flushing cheeks and fine sheens of sweat, and as much as he might try not to notice it... rather a lot more bouncing than is strictly speaking comfortable.

It's not improved by the fact that Rook is an opportunist: if there is a quip to be made, or an appalling pun, they'll do it. Flirting, by Emmrich's assessment, is no different for them. They aren't really interested, of COURSE not-- but try telling his leaping heart (and, ahem--) that.

There are some days he very much wishes to strangle his unruly anatomy-- except, at this juncture, it would undoubtedly be taken as encouragement.

If waking hours weren't already enough of a torment, this is when he becomes haunted by The Dreams. Rook bent over his desk, moaning. Rook pulling him into an alleyway and pressing him against the wall, eager with their kisses. Rook's hand impatiently undoing his sash. Rook's grin. Rook's hot, clever mouth--

Emmrich wakes up breathless, grinding down on his bed, and he can't stop. He tips over the edge almost immediately.

It should come as a relief. It doesn't. Things only get worse.

(When Rook finally has their impulsive way with him-- when they are busy kissing and pawing each other like teenagers and Rook's hand slips down and Emmrich breathlessly says, "Perhaps we should slow down?" and Rook tilts their head to the side, considers for a fraction of a second, and says, "Nah."-- the first sound Emmrich makes is a loud groan of pure relief.)

[weirbeast]

the bosses in lies of p are NOT fucking around!!!

[weirbeast]

I was pretty disappointed when I got to Zara and the insanely powerful blood mage in the bath of blood just used recycled venatori rogue movesets, so! I redesigned her fight

[weirbeast]

[weirbeast]

see there's a few ragged outfit mods, however Dysmas is always like, full coverage. he doesn't want his body seen at all (covered in scars and tattoos that he doesnt know shit about & is afraid of), always wears a hood, may sometimes cover his mouth w/ a scarf or bandana. in my mind palace it's also all made of random clothing stolen off corpses so hes wearing like, a nightgown as his sorc robes at one point

WHEN WILL SOMEONE MAKE A BG3 MOD OF JUST SOME FUGLY RAGS FOR DYSMAS!!!!!!!

[weirbeast]

WHEN WILL SOMEONE MAKE A BG3 MOD OF JUST SOME FUGLY RAGS FOR DYSMAS!!!!!!!

[weirbeast]

we have GOT to bring back campy horny grimy tactile scifi. this is a national fucking emergency