weirddayz101

[weirddayz101]

Days

Every time another day passes, the further this hole in my stomach gets. This want for some kind of rush of excitement or something to make my stomach drop. With the price of gas I cannot waste on more rides and hunting for an answer I'd probably never receive. I need to find something easier. but what. With all of the things going through my head the past couple of days plus the wild part of my siblings crying at the thought of me actually dying, you'd think I'd feel better. Honestly just made me feel less.

[weirddayz101]

Rage ride or suicide mission?

It's a weird world. Where basically you can be upset and go on a simple fucking drive to solve some kind of soul searching, but today was different. Small issues in my home life cause me to be on a downward spiral. First 20 minutes of my ride were cool calm and collected. Blasting Deftones-Change while the rage of the day built up inside me. Slowly feeling myself become either on the rage side or upset side. Couldn't really tell quite at this point. I hit exit for Wade Green and i literally felt the rage building. I keep taking turns and enjoying the feeling of it burn through my veins. A little further into my ride i feel the burning intensify worse than i've ever felt. I immediately start crying. It was a weird mix of emotions that i've never felt. Before i knew it, I started turning on roads i knew had the curviest turns and decent amount of traffic. I had some level of consciousness until i hit a turn and felt an emotional blackout. I was crying so hard at that point that i couldn't see along with my mind racing from blacking out from any kind of normal thinking. As i am racing down Harmony Grove Rd, one of the curviest roads from Bartow to Paulding county i felt myself loosing grip on the wheel. I couldn't tell if it was some kind of troubled 13 year old in me that knew what the easiest was to no pain was or if i was serious. I cannot believe i was so close to death. I called my childhood best friend due to me quite literally scaring my partially conscious side. I swerved when i answered due to not being clear on my intentions of the call. I swear somewhere deep inside i wanted to crash. Subconsciously, i wanted to. I wasn't sure, but maybe.