welcometothedaddyissuescult

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

Things I wholeheartedly believe about the Wayne Kids and why I believe them:

1. The Wayne kids at gala's naturally migrate to Lois and Clark first, even before Gotham reporters. No, it's not because Clark is/was the first person outside of the family that Bruce truly trusts - it's because even though Lois and Clark does everything to get to the bottom of the story, the truth to the story, they are nice and not looking for money or gossip. And the kids can be themselves.

2. (I made this before, but I want to repeat it.) Handwriting. Each kid knows how to forge every single person they knows handwriting. (All of them.) It's their superpower. It makes Bruce crazy and it's easy to prank people... and helpful sometimes.

3. Despite their turbulent relationship with Bruce, they are loyal to Bruce and Alfred. And each other. Not only is it because they are family, but because when it comes down to it, Bruce and Alfred have always been on their side.

4. Jason owns several bookstores. Some book stores are like libraries where they can check books out, some you have to spend actual money at to read them. It doends on what side of town you live in. It's too help youth get back into reading.

5. Tim, Jason, and Damian play D&D together. I don't actually have a reason for this, but I believe it. Sometimes, they rope Jon, Kon, Roy, Wally, and several others to play. Not Dick though. Dick- somehow - always cheats.

6. Dick and Duke's favorite chickflick movies are; She's The Man and the Devil Wears Parada. Steph's favorite is Legally Blonde 1&2. Cass likes Miss Congeniality. Jason's and Tim's favorite is any Hallmark Movie. And Damian thinks they're all insufferable.

7. Damian goes to the park to feed ducks and secretly has a duck army. He also feeds stray cats.

8. Selena loves all the kids. But Dick will always be her favorite because he helped soften Bruce and help give him some humanity and light back.

9. Duke once stopped a school shooter. As Duke, not Signal. I don't have a reason for this. He just did. I feel it in my blood.

10. Jason and Cass sometimes keep an eye on Gotham Academy, where Duke and Damian are. They'll watch from roof tops. Jason will say it's because he's looking for drug dealers, but secretly, ever since the school shooter scared, he's been worried about his brothers. Cass does it because she saw one of the teachers at a Gala once, and the teacher made her feel uncomfortable.

11. (Another post I made, but still.) The only people allowed to make fun of Dick and Damian's accents are those those who are in the family and are close friends of the family. Anyone outside that group gets pummeled or worse. One time, a minor Leaguer made a joke about Nightwing's accent, and it took Batman and Superman to get Jason off the them.

12. Anytime an article comes out ranking the Wayne boys' hottest list- she always doodles on their picture and Snaps them with things like; "Ew, since when did you have a stache?," or "Lol, you look like Clark."

13. Cass will join one of her brother's teams occasionally. And when she does, the only ones that interact with her outside her brother's are the ones closest to them. Tim's team of Young Justice hides when she comes.

14. Steph, Duke, Damian, and Jason are the athletes in the family. Cass, Dick, and Tim don't care much, but will play despite being athletic themselves.

15. Bruce has a swimming pool and hot tub. Can he ever use it? No.

16. Selena and Talia have fought against each other. Somehow, they are evenly matched.

17. Diana, Harley, Lois, Dinah, Ivy, and Selena will have girl days. Sometimes, they'll allow Steph, Barbra, and Cass with them. The boys are jealous.

18. As an April Fools joke, one year, Wally and Barbra convinced Dick they were dating. It put him in shock for three days.

19. Jason won't admit it, but Tim and Dick are evenly matched on favorite brothers. Duke's favorite is Jason, Damian's favorite is Dick. Dick loves them all equally and Tim's favorite is Duke.

20. Alfred has multiple scrapbooks for each of his grandkids and son.

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

As much as I would like to see Robert Pattinson's Batman interact with David Corenswet's Superman, I just cannot see his Batman in the world that is presented in Superman after that last trailer, we need a mf who wears gray and blue and fights Man-Bat twice a week, I'm sorry. 😭

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

The Batfamily knowing military hand signals is a hilarious concept to me. Cause like, you can not tell me Damian wouldn’t be constantly drawing his hand across this throat at every mild inconvenience and person with Dick trying to hide the fact that his ten-year-old brother is telling him he wants to eliminate 80% of the guests there

Damian standing next to Bruce who is in full on Brucie Wayne mode: *eliminate that man*

Jason: *say again*

Dick, taking notice of the gestures: *emphatically gives Damian a negative*

Steph sneaking up on the man with Cass: *assault assault*

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Tim: I was awake at 2 am last night and-

Dick: patrolling?

Tim: no, in bed, anyways-

Jason: do you need a new mattress or something? That seems like a bad time to be up

Tim: no?? As I was saying, do we get.. like.. a pension?

Dick: uh? I do I’m a police officer?

Tim: no, for being Robin?

Damian: Drake, don’t be ridiculous.

Tim: don’t get me wrong, Bruce did support us when we were all minors but… what about retirement??

Jason: …holy shit

Damian: father probably has money put away

Dick: I mean…

*Alfred walking in*

Alfred: What is this about retirement?

Tim: ARE WE GOING TO GET ANY FORM OF PENSION??

Alfred: master Timothy, you are one of the least likely to need to worry about that

Jason: WHAT ABOUT ME??

Alfred:

Alfred: Im sure Master Bruce has money put aside for university that… none of you have used

Damian: I could use mine

Alfred: Al Ghul, you are a money tree

*Bruce walks in*

Bruce: Whats happening in here?

Dick: Do we get pension? Or anything for being Robin?

Bruce: uh.

Bruce: Maybe, I put stuff aside for you and Jason, but after you inherited your families money, and Jason died… oh

Jason: …

Bruce: I’ll… start investing

Tim: great things happen at 2 am

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Tim: hey dad how do I file my taxes?

Bruce: I honestly don't know.

Tim: but ... Then who does our taxes?

Stephanie: or are you that rich mfer that doesn't pay his taxes?

Dick, snatches their forms, grumbling in "doing the Wayne's taxes since he was 8": should have stayed on the streets, this is bullshit...

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

Batfam incorrect quotes while I wait for my Sims 4 update to download :D

—

Jason: Go to hell.

Tim:

Tim: Batman, Red Hood is being homophobic.

Jason: WHAT!? YOU'RE NOT EVEN GAY!

Tim: I'm bi.

Jason: ??? Since WHEN?

Tim: I have a boyfriend.

Jason:

Jason: Batman, Spoiler turned Robin gay—

Stephanie: WHAT!? I TURNED NO ONE GAY!

Cass: ?

Stephanie: Oh my gods, I turned Tim and Cass gay... I'm gonna turn all of Batman's kids into gays.

Bruce: Please, focus on the mission.

Dick, in Blüdhaven but he likes to feel included: I mean, how do we know Batman isn't turning everyone gay?

Bruce: It is not possible to turn anyone gay.

Steph: Nightwing, Red Robin, Red Hood, Batgirl two, Batgirl three, Harvey Dent, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Ghostmaker, Superman, Batwoman—

Bruce: Batwoman was gay before she met me!

Tim: That's the only one you're defending?

Kate: He even turned himself gay.

Damian: As childish as this is, I have to point out that Superboy and I also—

Steph: HE TURNED SUPERBOY AND ROBIN GAY!

Tim: Which Superboy specifically? They're both bi.

Bruce: I DID NOT TURN ANYONE GAY!

Dick: Someday it'll just be the gays... And Bruce.

Jason: Isn't Selina pan?

Steph: The plot thickens.

Tim: Wow, this whole time I should've known I was bi just from being exposed to Bruce.

Dick: It's like radiation!

Duke: Nah, am I next? I don't wanna date dudes, I'm definitely into girls.

Tim: I thought the same thing!

Steph: Till Bruce came along...

Bruce, shouting as Jim walks onto the roof: I did not turn anyone gay!

Jim: Am I... Interrupting something..?

Bruce: . . . No.

—

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

Bruce Wayne playing drunk off his ass at the Iceberg Lounge and accidentally befriending Harley like

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Tim: Batman needs a Robin!

Dick: okay, then be Robin.

Tim: I-you can’t-

Tim, a scrawny 13 year old rich kid who looks two years younger than he is: be so fucking for real.

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He works alone.

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Bruce: Na na na na na na na na, Bat-on…

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[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

Tim Drake not only has the self-preservation skills of a wet paper bag but also the morals of one.

And we should all be grateful his autism chose Batman to hyperfixate on and not the Rogues

Seriously, imagine a lil Tim, bat-identity in pocket, apprenticing under someone like Scarecrow (I'd never give him Joker because no one deserves that target clown)

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

the only reason Jason agrees to back down into more of a vigilante figure rather than a crime lord thing is because he’s becoming painfully aware that tim has a track record of copying him and he knows Red Hood is next in line to be stolen, and he doesn’t want to be the reason the absolute terror that would be tim as a crime lord/villain hitting the streets of gotham ever becomes a reality. he hates bruce but not THAT much

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

Jason: B ? Dick jumped off the Wayne Towers roof.

Batman: What of it ?

Jason: He's the only one wihout a cape. And I may or may not have taken his grapple battery.

Batman: IS HE OKAY ?!

Jason: If it wasn't for Clark his last words would've been "I'm a squirell!".

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

Tim: I discovered who Batman is

Bruce, acting shocked: who??

Tim: it’s… CLARK KENT

Damian, watching from afar: I know we all agreed weed would help Drake calm down.. but this is..

Jason: more importantly why is Bruce playing along?

Dick: I want to hear more about this theory

—-

Meanwhile in Metropolis:

Clark, reading the newspaper, cup of coffee: did someone call for me?

Lois: no? Who do you think did?

Clark: this is going to sound crazy, but I think Tim thinks I’m Batman and is unaware of Bruce’s identity

Lois: ok.. while you ponder that can you do the dishes?

Kon, also listening in, pulling Lois aside: I want it on record that I did NOT supply Tim with weed

Lois:

Kon: and that I would NEVER do so

Lois: I will offer you ten seconds to find a better hiding spot for your stash than under your bed

Kon, running off:

—-

This was the last time Bruce was convinced to allow Tim to consume substances based on a slideshow that Tim had created.

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

this is giving dick grayson and i love him.

thought about what a robin to the absolute!batman would look like. conclusion: small

[welcometothedaddyissuescult]

Bruce at 25: no one can ever know my secret identity. if my identity is compromised then lots of peoples lives will be ruined and gotham will crumble into ash. i cannot handle having that conversation with another human being who is not alfred. i will concoct elaborate cover stories and false evidence to conceal the truth. Bruce at 55: do you think i can get out of jury duty if i tell them im batman