welp-this-happened - Tumblr blog

[welp-this-happened]

Ah we love accidentally hurting peoples feelings because you have a migraine and they made it a but worse so you left the room but you werent being mean or anything you just haD A MIGRAINE BUT OOPS THAT WAS MEAN SO SORRY

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My brain: youre useless.

Me, flicking my forehead: WRONG! INCORRECT! ILLEGAL! MEI WOULD BE SAD BITCH SHUT IT!

Brain: damn fine holy shit

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Me: i wish to not stress about anything so i can relax

My brain: aahh so you wish for n o m o t i v a t i o n ?

Me: no thats-

Brain: shhhhh its too late

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Yo

I wrote a song-

A sad song

BUT

I WROTE A SONG!!

ABOUT SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME?? AND I L I K E IT????

AAAAAAA??

*confused corkin noises*

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If you haven’t had an actual night of sleep in like three weeks clap your hands

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dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep

It all seems too real

I cant

I cant

Icant

I wish it would stop

Its too much

I cant handle it

dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep dontwanttosleepidontwanttosleep

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I-

Bitch what

You have an issue with my mom not me?

Why the fuck are you being rude to ME

I didnt do shit???

What the actual fuck

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Lets play

“Insomnia caused by the fact that every time i close my eyes im scared awake but my mind being fucking dumb”

Workin tomorrow and imma ddiieee :)

Happy birthday night woth no sleep to me i guess

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Goddammit

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Anyways that was “how to pull yourself out of a down before it happened” hope y’all liked the new episode

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“Youre fine”

“You smile and laugh you cant be sad”

“If you dont know you DO NOT want to have ‘issues’ like your father and sister”

I dont want them but i think i do and thats the issue

“Theres nothing wrong with you”

You never know until i get checked

“Its all in your head”

“You probably just want attention”

Yea well you know what? Fuck you

Sure, its all in my head.

Its all in my fucked up head

I cant have any issues or id be just like them right?

“You would tell me if something was wrong right?”

I already do and you laugh

You think its a joke

“You are too smart to have a mental illness”

Thats not how that works

“You know better then to be sad”

No

I dont know better what the fuck do you mean

“Attention hog”

“Liar”

“Spoiled brat”

“You should go on a diet”

Are those really things you should say to family?

Your daughter? Granddaughter? Your niece?

Wow

“You shouldnt eat that much”

“Why dont you ever eat?”

I fucking wonder why

“You don’t deserve the things you have”

Well guess what? I didnt ask for them

“Suck your stomach in”

“Untuck your hair”

“Stand talller you look ridiculous slouching”

Stop telling me im not good enough

“Why dont you wear heels?”

“Put on some makeup”

“Cover up your achne, the boys will like you better”

You dont know anything about me

“It would be better if gay people weren’t ruining things for normal people”

“At least you have a chance to go to heaven”

“Straight or gay you cant be both”

“Homosexuals don’t deserve to be on this earth”

“The gays are the issue itd be better if they were gone”

Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

“You dont hurt yourself you cant be depressed”

“Prove it show me scars”

“Thats an excuse to be lazy”

I dont have to show you anything you dont know anything

“We cant be friends anymore”

“Oh you like that kind of thing”

“We can be friends but dont look at me weird”

I never was

“Ugly”

“Pig”

“Slut”

“Whore”

I didnt do anything to you

“Wouldnt it be better if you just left?”

Yea maybe

But im still here

Nothing you fuckers say will make me turn away from life

Ridicule me

Scream at me

Tell me that im worthless

Tear me down

Call me names

Say that the world is better without me

Ive already gone through hell

Ive stood at brige and cliffs

I have starred at blades for hours

I have clawed my skin raw

But i refuse

To let you pieces of shit be the reason i die

I live in spite of you

I live because i know it makes you mad when you see me laugh

I live to keep you from saying that to others

I live to make your asses miserable by seeing the person you tried so hard to tear down walking

Maybe im not thriving but you know what?

Im okay with that

I have kitten

I have friends

And i will get better

It sure as hell will take a long time but i will

Even if no one believes me or helps me along the way

Thats just one more reason to live

Prove them wrong

Live and show the assholes who attacked you that you ARE better then them

Live for the face they make when they see you happy

Live in SPITE of the people who fucked you over

I could care less what i look like but you know what?

I want to look better then you

I want to be more outgoing

I will be more confident

I will be happy

I will take the dirt you threw me onto and make my own damn path

I have ups and downs

Some really really bad downs

But even with that im content

You thought you could tear me down?

Oh honey,

You only made me stronger.

😘🖕🏼

Sincerely,

Lizy~

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Im sorry but r e a l l y?

You really think you can do all the shit you’ve done and then try to act like nothing happened? You want me to give you ANOTHER chance? Are you fucking kidding me? I am FIFTEEN. You have had fifteen fucking years. And you want another chance? No, i wont give you another chance. You’ve proved how you think of me, how you want to treat me, how much respect you demand and don’t deserve. You have verbally, physically, and mentally abused me for fifteen years and now that im actually happy and away from you, you want me to act like nothing happened?

Im sorry but i cant. Even if i wanted to.

I have so much fucking truama from you do you realize that? I wake up in the middle of the night because i hear a work truck and i think its you. I flinch away when people touch my shoulders. I cant fucking sleep some nights because my irrational fear of you showing up keep me awake. Ive had nightmares of you stabbing and killing me. When someone raises their voice i tense up and feel like i cant move, do you know how awful that is? When you want to run or say something but you physically cant? When someone is just having a normal conversation and they barely raise their voice and you completely shut down? Do you know how bad it feels to have to ask your teacher to move you to the back because with how loud they talk to teach it scares you? And then if they fucking ask why you have to make some shit up because you cant tell them it’s because of your father? Do you know how it fucking feels to be so fucking numb that you tear holes in your skin? You pick up the ragged obsidian knife and push it back and fourth on your skin until for so long it either bleeds or makes a mark And you dont stop until you can snap yourself out of it? Do you know how many times i have laid on my bed thinking “what would be the most painful way to die? Or would i not want pain?” How many times i sat thinking “theres a bridge down the street, i could just jump” you know the answer? Yea, me either. But its a lot. All because in my twisted fucking mind i thought the world will be better without me, no one would care, they wouldn’t even notice. I used to go on walks all the time and you know what i would do? I would go ride mg nike down to the bridge and sit there trying to decide if i should just jump.

Do you know how hard it is to hear people call you my dad? And they wont fucking listen when i correct them. It really is not that hard. Jerimiah jerimiah jerimiah. Thats your name. You arent my dad. You are not my father. You are the guy who married and cheated on my mom. You are the guy who fucked me up so much that i cant remember one good thing about you because theres so mych bad, and when i do i get disgusted because i hate the thought of you.

Do you know how it feels to be talking to people and they wont stop fucking bringing you up? Do And when you ask them to stop they tell you you “shouldnt think like that”? Yea no shit i shouldnt think like that. You should hve been a father, you shouldnt have screamed at me, you shouldnt have slapped me, but guess what? You did. So cry me a fucking river.

You are sad? Aw im s o sorry, please come fucking cry to me. Cry to me about how you cant believe you got caught cheating on my mother, cry about how Makayla only used you for money like we fucking warned you she would, yea cry cry cry cry cry thats all you ever fucking do. Scream and yell and cry about how fucking pitiful you are. And you know whats sad? I do pity you.

I pity that you go to bars and get drunk everynight.

I pity that you are so lonely that you have one night stands every other day.

So yea i pity you.

And you know what ive always wanted?

A father who took care of me, who wasnt gone for months at a time, who laughed and made jokes with me, who taught me, who this and who that. Theres so much that i wish would have happened. But i know it wont, and it didnt.

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We love talking to someone and completely getting ignored :)

Its only six fucking days into this quarantine and im already fucking pissed and i have no motivation to do anything (:

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Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why Why why why why why

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https://youtu.be/Z102fnlXH4E

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We LOVE when basically all of your « friends » aren’t actually friends with you they are just pretending to like you because of your other friends that at thid point, i honestly dont know if they are actually my friends :)

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We love when you try to be friends with someone and then they don’t actually like you they just want to be friends with maddie

:)

This is f i n e