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watching my promised afternoon thunderstorm slip from a 90% chance to a 20% chance.... baby come back i can change

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"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

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I literally scrolled past this speed reading, processed that last hashtag like four seconds later, said "OK that was good" out loud and scrolled back up

nearly had a medical emergency today because - and i cannot stress enough how little i am making this up - a helicopter landed in front of an open grain silo while i was getting off my ship and i am deathly allergic to the wheat that said helicopters rotor blades proceeded to blast in my face at full force. the cosmic forces are plotting against me ass situation to be in

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It pisses me off when I see people draw dinosaur fursonas and they have huge fat tits. That's not a mammal. You do not love dinosaurs, but the idea of dinosaurs. Fuck you idiot. I'll kill you.

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me having a weird time: man this weird time sucks! i don't feel like myself! i wish i was having a normal time!

me having a normal time: well the weird time did have a certain je ne sais quoi...

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some freak could do something really funny for like $25

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yes

the phrase which could mean nothing has lead to a more beautiful version of the world

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Happy 24-6-01!

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waking up at 3 am: 💪lets damn big money

waking up at 6 am: why nobody ever talks about how beatiful the sunrise 🌅

waking up at 9 am: should i kill myself? 🧐

waking up at 12 pm: the family is straight up the central reactionary germ cell of the fascist state 🤔✍️

waking up at 3 pm: lol #cave #dracula #WeedIsLegalAndYouCanBuyItAtTheStore

waking up at 6 pm: maybe i was born evil 🙂

waking up at 9 pm: maybe i was born evil 🙁

waking up at 12 am: welp, time to slay the dragon’s dick 😎

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me reading Stephen King at the ripe old age of ten

eleven year olds need book series filled to the brim with violence and crime. it's like enrichment for them

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oh I see. it was the crime of wanting. that's why I deserve it.