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#WhyYouShouldWatchEyewitness!

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Signs as fanfiction clichés

Aries: misunderstanding leading to angst

Taurus: fake/pretend relationship turns real

Gemini: characters stuck in a small space

Cancer: accidently seeing a character naked

Leo: characters are forced to share a bed

Virgo: meddling friends play matchmakers

Libra: being e-mail pals and not realising they know each other in real life

Scorpio: drunken kissing/confessions

Sagittarius: mutual pining

Capricorn: teaching a character how to dance (or something else that requires a lot of touching)

Aquarius: 1: (looks at a thing) "it's beautiful" 2: (looks at 1) "yes, it is"

Pisces: a character eats something sexily

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If you believe stoic Chris Argent is too good for the selfie, let me be the first to let you know how very wrong you are.

If you, Christopher, believe your husband will not post your selfie rejects to tumblr when you’re otherwise occupied, then this explains why you didn’t delete them yourself. You naive soul.

(x)

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I’m the kind of dad that puts on my daughter’s favorite movies so that I can sneak into the sound proof basement and snack on rolo’s

I’m the kind of mom that will set the DVR to record shows I think my kids will like, but shamelessly eat all the chocolate chip cookies before they get home.

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This just in: Jake Gyllenhaal is a werewolf.

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First of many, maybe.

-Chris kisses the smile off his face, until a little finger begins tracing little patterns on his chest. Hale-Aaaargent.-

Yep, that’s you -Peter says, bouncing her.- Catori Hale-Argent. And guess what? Allison’s got a baby in her belly the way Meg does.

-Cat looks doubtfully down at Allison’s flat stomach. She loves touching Meg’s stomach and feeling the little monster squirming around in there.

Peter’s lost Chris to Allison and Leah, both answering his questions regarding the pregnancy. Grabbing his hand, he pulls his husband to the couch, inviting the others to seat themselves as well. Then he settles in.

The Hale’s are going to live on. His bloodline will carry on in this new little life. And this time, an entire army will be ready to protect it.-

Yeah, it worked.  -she supposes since they haven’t been elbows deep in the whole thing like the four of them have for the last three months, they probably deserve some kind of explanation-  Turns out my eggs are just fine.  Not cycling was my body’s way of preventing pregnancy.  Guess evolution decided it was too tricky with the shift.  And I can’t disagree.  But–  She and Allison share a look and a soft smile.  She’s always liked Allison, always been glad the imprint chose to make her a sister, but now they’re bonded in a way that’s deeper, and defies clear definition–

But Allison offered to do the hard part.  And, well, we said yes.

Oh, and two months.  We wanted to make sure it took.  We were gonna wait until the first trimester was over, but Allison’s starting to get sick, and she wanted to tell you before you just guessed.

So…yeah.  Baby!

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-Huh.

Peter is gobsmacked. Cat is trying to climb up onto his shoulders by pulling on his hair but he ignores her at the smiles on Derek and Leah’s faces.-

You mean it worked? -Not that he knew anything about Allison being a surrogate. But even if Leah had been able to conceive, Peter wasn’t sure a werewolf and a shifter would have been able to produce a child successfully. Speaking of...- I thought you couldn’t....

-He doesn’t finish the question before another one comes out.-

How far along?

-They’re just finishing up with dinner when the doorbell rings.  Leaving Peter to clean Catori up from where she’d murdered a whole plate of innocent spaghetti, he opens the door to find Seth and Allison…and Derek and Leah.  Confused but pleased, he gives Allison a kiss on the cheek as he lets them all in-

Hey, Sweetheart.  I didn’t think we’d see you guys until tomorrow for family dinner.  Where’s Max and Evan and Isaac?

-Seth is practically bouncing in place,  his grin so wide Chris is almost afraid he’s gonna cramp his face, but Derek just says calmly, Max is at a movie with Isaac and Scott, and Allison calls over her shoulder as they make their way to where Cat and Peter have migrated to the living room, Danny and Stiles and Jesse are watching Evan.  Practicing for when the monster comes.

She says it fondly, though, so monster sounds more like an endearment than the insult it could be.  He blames Ruby, who refuses to call the impending arrival anything but, so that it’s managed to rub off on almost all of them.  It’s done a lot toward normalizing the upcoming birth, although Jesse still looks like a panicky mess when he doesn’t think anyone is looking, and Chris has too much experience not to be prepared for the worst possible outcome.  But despite it all, things have been good for the last few months.  As calm as they’ve ever been for Beacon Hills.  

As soon as he thinks it, he blocks it out.  He doesn’t want to jinx what they have going on-

Not that this is unwelcome, but what’s behind the visit?  Is something wrong?

-Allison opens her mouth but then Seth goes Wait, wait, wait, and whips out his cell phone.  Allison rolls her eyes fondly but lets Seth turn on the video function.  Okay, okay, you can go.

Chris gives Peter a cautious look, but no one seems upset, so whatever it is, it can’t actually be that bad.  Cat clamors over the couch and into Peter’s arms as Allison smiles and starts again.

Dad, I’m pregnant.

Oh.  Oh!  The camera suddenly makes sense.  He’d thought she and Seth would wait longer, especially with all the work she’s been doing with Argent Arms, but he can’t say he’s upset about the prospect of another grandchild-

Oh, honey!  That’s wonderful!  When are you–

-He doesn’t get to finish, because Seth butts in.

And Derek’s the father!

The fact that Seth is grinning madly as he says it doesn’t register at all, because as soon as the words leave his mouth all Chris can see is red.

Things had been good.  Good.  Everyone getting along.  Even with witches and demons and werewolves and antichrists and monster fetuses, they were all at peace.  Happy.  And somehow, somehow, Derek had done something to fuck it all up. 

The thought barely passes though his brain before he’s launching himself at Derek, reaching for the knife tucked in his belt as he goes-

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I believe my dick was a powerful incentive. And that it was me pursuing you. Also I have never twirled my mustache so I'm not sure how I feel about being called a supervillain. I just think I'd do a better job if I was in charge. If someone wants to pin a label on that, I can think of better alternatives.

I now want the Petopher AU where Peter is a supervillain, trying to take over the world, and Chris is the secret agent sent to stop him.

(Spoiler: He totally stops him. With the power of his dick.)

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I feel like they were trying to honor us and only succeeded in horrifying us both.

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you can’t stop me, Peter Hale edition

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“The dark side.” I seem to remember you liking the dark side a Halloween or two ago.

How do you feel about witches?

In the abstract, I think witches control a dangerous amount of power and can too easily cross over to the dark side.  But then I think of Amets, and what all she’s done to help Beacon Hills, and it’s not such a clear cut line.

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The first time he calls you holy, you laugh it back so hard your sides hurt. The second time, you moan gospel around his fingers between your teeth. He has always surprised you into surprising yourself. Because he’s an angel hiding his halo behind his back and nothing has ever felt so filthy as plucking the wings from his shoulders— undressing his softness one feather at a time. God, if you’re out there, if you’re listening, he fucks like a seraphim, and there’s no part of scripture that ever prepared you for his hands. Hands that map a communion in the cradle of your hips. Hands that kiss hymns up your sides. He confesses how long he’s looked for a place to worship and,oh, you put him on his knees. When he sinks to the floor and moans like he can’t help himself, you wonder if the other angels fell so sweet. He says his prayers between your thighs and you dig your heels into the base of his spine until he blushes the color of your filthy tongue. You will ruin him and he will thank you; he will say please. No damnation ever looked as cozy as this, but you fit over his hips like they were made for you.You fit, you fit, you fit. On top of him, you are an ancient god that only he remembers and he offers up his skin. And you take it. Who knew sacrifice was so profane? And once you’ve taught him how to hold your throat in one hand and your heart in the other, you will have forgotten every other word, except his name.

PROFANE, by Ashe Vernon (via latenightcornerstore)

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29 - three songs you connect with right now.

Million Dollar Man - Lana Del Rey

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

Breezeblocks - alt-J

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16

if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?

Nature vs nurture then?

I think, inherently, I would be the same. Would various traits be stronger or less important to me? Likely. And those would alter the course of my life enough that the outcome could be one of a million very different things. But I believe the core of me would be the same.

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22 - top 5 things you spend the most time doing, in order

1. Sleep, although between Cat wanting to sleep with us, me being a night owl, and Christopher wanting to get up at the crack of dawn every day, I don’t sleep near as much as I want sometimes.

2. Parenting. The little monster requires so much attention.

3. Work. My husband says having a show on HGTV is “not in our best interests”. This does not mean I can’t run my business so well that we don’t get offers that I can then tempt him with. I’m also including work related to hunting in this.

4. Sex - Remember when this used to be right at the top of the list, Christopher? What was I thinking, getting a job?

5. Cooking - Does this need an explanation? I just love cooking.