wet-noodles

[wet-noodles]

Writing Commissions to help us Be Not Homeless

Hi! My name is Natalie, but you might remember me as a dumb idiot who wrote things sometimes. I fell off the face of the earth with some seriously demoralizing Health Shit last fall, but now I’m back with an update. (The update is that we’ve been homeless for around a month now while across the country from my family and support network.)

Okay, that’s the alarming junk out of the way. We’re not in critical physical danger right now, I’ve managed to nab a crappy dayjob and a couple freelance projects while seeking more gainful employment, and I have access to a computer: all good stuff! But we really want out of this situation ASAP and I’ll take any work that can help.

Writing Examples: Short one-shot (<500 words), Medium one-shot (1,700 words), multichapter WIP (4700 words), a ~Serious Short Story~ (2k words)

Rates

I’m going with a rough base rate of 3 cents a word; this is less than half my usual rate for content writing. This works out to $3 for a drabble, $9-15 for a shorter one-shot, etc. (But I won’t charge you if I end up going over what you pay for.)

Will Write:

- Any fandom, probably, but you should ask - NSFW (only if you’re 18+) - Original work/OCs/chronicling your D&D character’s crazy gay exploits - Speaking of D&D, a mock-Ao3 section for your D&D campaign’s hypothetical fandom like this (okay kind of niche but it might be a fun gift for your DM) - Your reflective essay on The Great Gatsby

Will Not Write:

- Noncon (unless it’s like… explicitly a consensual roleplay), incest (including FE14′s “incest”), underage, bestiality, etc. - Erotic fanfiction in Pixar’s Cars (2006) universe. I’m gay and don’t know car parts.

I Need:

- Either an idea of how long you want a piece to be or how much you’d like to spend. - Any specifications. (Tone, style, genre, etc. I mean you can just throw me a prompt and say “go crazy” but I want you to be happy with what you get!) - A 50% deposit to confirm your order. Normally I’d be more lax about this, but I seriously can’t afford to spend hours on a commission and get ghosted.

paypal.me/wncommissions

Even if you can’t commission me, signal boosting would be amazingly helpful, or even just pointing your friend who keeps saying “ugh I have a great idea for a fic, I just need to write it!” my way. Thanks so much, and have a wonderful day. <3

[wet-noodles]

EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS!

Hey everyone, I know I haven’t been posting much these days but I could really use some help.

My family lost their house about a month ago, leaving us effectively homeless. As you can probably imagine the situation is Not Great for a number of reasons (in addition to all of that, my family’s current state is… less than healthy). My fiancee and I are working hard on getting at least me and my two adorable cats to a better place, but I’m physically disabled so I’m pretty limited in what I can do to help. Right now I at least have regular access to my computer, so I’m taking drawing commissions, in hopes that I can save some money and eventually get out of this situation and move in with my fiancee.

You can find all of the basic info for requesting a commission above, but if you want a more precise quote or have any other questions, feel free to contact me! You can also find more examples of my work at my fanworks tag on my tumblr!

Even if you can’t do a commission, reblogs are super appreciated! ♥ Thanks so much for looking!

[wet-noodles]

Yo, I’m not going to spam you guys with reblogs (though I might bump a little this weekend) but I did want to check in with an update! Sorry if it gets sappy.

I know that these are just words on a screen -- words that you might understandably disregard when you have your own shit to deal with, when Tumblr’s one of your few respites from a tedious week. It’s hard to get across what this last month’s been like in digestible snapshots; there’s no meme or Marvel movie gif that conveys the day-to-day instability of living like a nomad, realizing how many conveniences you once took for granted and how some of the simplest pleasures can keep you sane. 

$1 seemed like nothing to me at the beginning of this year. It probably seemed like nothing to the amazingly generous people who tossed a couple my way. 

That was before the basic facets of survival -- not just food and shelter, but stuff like clothes and doctor visits -- were no longer a given. Things we’ve been able to buy in the last 48 hours: an oxford shirt for work, medication, a replacement power adapter for my laptop, some basic grocery staples. These are just words on a screen, and words can’t express how grateful I am for all your help. Even if it seems like nothing to you, it makes a world of difference to us. 

Sorry if I’m being melodramatic. It’s very rare that I get Real On Main, but this whole experience has made me equal parts insufferably maudlin and sincere. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. It might be some time until we’re back to where we were, but for the first time in a while, I’m optimistic. 

Writing Commissions to help us Be Not Homeless

Hi! My name is Natalie, but you might remember me as a dumb idiot who wrote things sometimes. I fell off the face of the earth with some seriously demoralizing Health Shit last fall, but now I’m back with an update. (The update is that we’ve been homeless for around a month now while across the country from my family and support network.)

Okay, that’s the alarming junk out of the way. We’re not in critical physical danger right now, I’ve managed to nab a crappy dayjob and a couple freelance projects while seeking more gainful employment, and I have access to a computer: all good stuff! But we really want out of this situation ASAP and I’ll take any work that can help.

Writing Examples: Short one-shot (<500 words), Medium one-shot (1,700 words), multichapter WIP (4700 words), a ~Serious Short Story~ (2k words)

Rates

I’m going with a rough base rate of 3 cents a word; this is less than half my usual rate for content writing. This works out to $3 for a drabble, $9-15 for a shorter one-shot, etc. (But I won’t charge you if I end up going over what you pay for.)

Will Write:

- Any fandom, probably, but you should ask - NSFW (only if you’re 18+) - Original work/OCs/chronicling your D&D character’s crazy gay exploits - Speaking of D&D, a mock-Ao3 section for your D&D campaign’s hypothetical fandom like this (okay kind of niche but it might be a fun gift for your DM) - Your reflective essay on The Great Gatsby

Will Not Write:

- Noncon (unless it’s like… explicitly a consensual roleplay), incest (including FE14′s “incest”), underage, bestiality, etc. - Erotic fanfiction in Pixar’s Cars (2006) universe. I’m gay and don’t know car parts.

I Need:

- Either an idea of how long you want a piece to be or how much you’d like to spend. - Any specifications. (Tone, style, genre, etc. I mean you can just throw me a prompt and say “go crazy” but I want you to be happy with what you get!) - A 50% deposit to confirm your order. Normally I’d be more lax about this, but I seriously can’t afford to spend hours on a commission and get ghosted.

paypal.me/wncommissions

Even if you can’t commission me, signal boosting would be amazingly helpful, or even just pointing your friend who keeps saying “ugh I have a great idea for a fic, I just need to write it!” my way. Thanks so much, and have a wonderful day. <3

[wet-noodles]

Hey man, I hope you’ve been well! God, that’s so generous of you to offer and I’m pretty blown away by the response here, since I know writing commissions don’t usually get a whole lot of traction on tumblr. 

ANYWAY, to answer your question -- I won’t say no to straight donations (I would if it were just me and not me + fiancee + 2 cats) but I would ask anyone who did to leave a note with their username so I can maybe do a little something in return when I’m back on my feet/have a surplus of free time again, or at least thank them! 

Writing Commissions to help us Be Not Homeless

Hi! My name is Natalie, but you might remember me as a dumb idiot who wrote things sometimes. I fell off the face of the earth with some seriously demoralizing Health Shit last fall, but now I’m back with an update. (The update is that we’ve been homeless for around a month now while across the country from my family and support network.)

Okay, that’s the alarming junk out of the way. We’re not in critical physical danger right now, I’ve managed to nab a crappy dayjob and a couple freelance projects while seeking more gainful employment, and I have access to a computer: all good stuff! But we really want out of this situation ASAP and I’ll take any work that can help.

Writing Examples: Short one-shot (<500 words), Medium one-shot (1,700 words), multichapter WIP (4700 words), a ~Serious Short Story~ (2k words)

Rates

I’m going with a rough base rate of 3 cents a word; this is less than half my usual rate for content writing. This works out to $3 for a drabble, $9-15 for a shorter one-shot, etc. (But I won’t charge you if I end up going over what you pay for.)

Will Write:

- Any fandom, probably, but you should ask - NSFW (only if you’re 18+) - Original work/OCs/chronicling your D&D character’s crazy gay exploits - Speaking of D&D, a mock-Ao3 section for your D&D campaign’s hypothetical fandom like this (okay kind of niche but it might be a fun gift for your DM) - Your reflective essay on The Great Gatsby

Will Not Write:

- Noncon (unless it’s like… explicitly a consensual roleplay), incest (including FE14′s “incest”), underage, bestiality, etc. - Erotic fanfiction in Pixar’s Cars (2006) universe. I’m gay and don’t know car parts.

I Need:

- Either an idea of how long you want a piece to be or how much you’d like to spend. - Any specifications. (Tone, style, genre, etc. I mean you can just throw me a prompt and say “go crazy” but I want you to be happy with what you get!) - A 50% deposit to confirm your order. Normally I’d be more lax about this, but I seriously can’t afford to spend hours on a commission and get ghosted.

paypal.me/wncommissions

Even if you can’t commission me, signal boosting would be amazingly helpful, or even just pointing your friend who keeps saying “ugh I have a great idea for a fic, I just need to write it!” my way. Thanks so much, and have a wonderful day. <3

[wet-noodles]

Writing Commissions to help us Be Not Homeless

Hi! My name is Natalie, but you might remember me as a dumb idiot who wrote things sometimes. I fell off the face of the earth with some seriously demoralizing Health Shit last fall, but now I’m back with an update. (The update is that we’ve been homeless for around a month now while across the country from my family and support network.)

Okay, that’s the alarming junk out of the way. We’re not in critical physical danger right now, I’ve managed to nab a crappy dayjob and a couple freelance projects while seeking more gainful employment, and I have access to a computer: all good stuff! But we really want out of this situation ASAP and I’ll take any work that can help.

Writing Examples: Short one-shot (<500 words), Medium one-shot (1,700 words), multichapter WIP (4700 words), a ~Serious Short Story~ (2k words)

Rates

I’m going with a rough base rate of 3 cents a word; this is less than half my usual rate for content writing. This works out to $3 for a drabble, $9-15 for a shorter one-shot, etc. (But I won’t charge you if I end up going over what you pay for.)

Will Write:

- Any fandom, probably, but you should ask - NSFW (only if you’re 18+) - Original work/OCs/chronicling your D&D character’s crazy gay exploits - Speaking of D&D, a mock-Ao3 section for your D&D campaign’s hypothetical fandom like this (okay kind of niche but it might be a fun gift for your DM) - Your reflective essay on The Great Gatsby

Will Not Write:

- Noncon (unless it’s like… explicitly a consensual roleplay), incest (including FE14′s “incest”), underage, bestiality, etc. - Erotic fanfiction in Pixar’s Cars (2006) universe. I’m gay and don’t know car parts.

I Need:

- Either an idea of how long you want a piece to be or how much you’d like to spend. - Any specifications. (Tone, style, genre, etc. I mean you can just throw me a prompt and say “go crazy” but I want you to be happy with what you get!) - A 50% deposit to confirm your order. Normally I’d be more lax about this, but I seriously can’t afford to spend hours on a commission and get ghosted.

paypal.me/wncommissions

Even if you can’t commission me, signal boosting would be amazingly helpful, or even just pointing your friend who keeps saying “ugh I have a great idea for a fic, I just need to write it!” my way. Thanks so much, and have a wonderful day. <3

[wet-noodles]

every time I burp I legally have to do a rick sanchez impression or they won’t let me see my family again

[wet-noodles]

this one kid in my cklass has worn a pickle rick t shirt for 3 days straight. also he drinks 2 chocolate milks and eats 3 packets of milano cookies for breakfast during class and says his “Stomach acid works differently” and thats why it isnt unhealthy for him to do that..

[wet-noodles]

a while back my best friend linked me to a thread on homemade My Little Pony transformation hypnosis tapes

that’s a really loaded sentence so let me ease into it

they were like, hour long recordings you were supposed to lay down and listen to and focus on nothing else, that started off with some relaxation techniques then eased into like, “feel your hands becoming hooves. remember pinkie pie’s happy memories. imagine yourself literally becoming pinkie pie. imagine your pink mane. you are literally pinkie pie”

all with the goal of putting you in a mental state where you were convinced you were this cartoon pony. and it was full of people like “wow! this was so relaxing. i felt like i literally Became rarity”

the problem is that human brains are kind of, buggy? so people, especially if they listened to the tapes too much, started like, accidentally going to this mental state they’d created at random inopportune times. the thread was suddenly full of people desperate to know how to stop it because they were turning into rainbow dash in the middle of driving on a highway to work, or whatever

anyway, i’m just burdened with that knowledge forever, now. i think about it a lot

[wet-noodles]

relationship advice:

get a dog instead 

[wet-noodles]

[wet-noodles]

how it feels trying to get the d&d group together

[wet-noodles]

[wet-noodles]

This baby fox is learning how to sit and it’s adorable.

[wet-noodles]

[wet-noodles]

[wet-noodles]

[wet-noodles]

when you know he only likes clowns so you spend all day getting your makeup on and he’s grinding his 8.5x7″ shit against your lime green overalls and youre about to drop that circus pussy down on him when he asks if he can be the top in the stephen king roleplay this time