what-evenami

[what-evenami]

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[what-evenami]

i swear to god if one more stupid fandom ruins a beautiful text post i am calling the police

[what-evenami]

Batkids sleepover

Wayne Family Adventures

[what-evenami]

Humans are weird: Their pound of flesh

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

“What is this all about? Why am I here?”

Prince Atalon was not accustomed to being ordered about, even less so by lower-class military generals. Yet here he was inside the command bunker of General Drak after his security detail whisked him away out of the blue.

��My apologies Prince, but I have just received troubling reports that your life is now in danger.”

This certainly wasn’t what the prince had been expecting, and he took the offered chair to sit as the general continued.

“Before I proceed, I need to ask you a question,” the general began. “Have you encountered any strange creatures, either in our quarter of the base or when touring our allies' quarters?”

“What nonsense is this?” Atalon pouted. “You say my life is in danger and then ask me about what wildlife I’ve seen?!”

“I assure you my prince, the question is related, now please answer it.”

The stern look of the general dissuaded the notion that this was some prank and so Atalon pondered in silence as he recalled his last few days.

“I spent the first three days in our section of the base meeting with soldiers in the hospital, then the fourth day was spent visiting the frontlines, and then finally the fifth day I returned here.”

“And did you encounter any strange creatures?”

“Well,” the prince replied as something did finally come to him, “on the way back my convoy drove past a group of humans being chased by a large avian bird. It came up to about their waist but the humans seemed terrified as they were running away and it was chasing it.”

“And what did you do?” the general inquired.

“I felt ashamed that such cowardly beings were our allies so I ordered the vehicle’s AI defense unit to terminate the creature and save the humans.”

“It put a plasma round clear through the creatures chest and it dropped to the ground soon after. It was so fast we didn’t even have time to stop and receive their accolades.” The prince answered with a cocky grin.

Several expressions passed over the Malin general’s face at this admission; shock, fear, regret, disbelief, and then finally, resolution.

“This was transmitted to me within the last hour.” The general continued as they spun a data pad around for the prince to see. “It is an order issued for your immediate detainment and extradition back to the human homeworld to face the charges of murder, assassination of a high ranking military official, espionage, and treason to name a few.”

“WHAT?!”

To say that the prince was dumbfounded would be an understatement.

“That avian you killed,” the general continued to delay any inevitable deluge of questions, “was in fact a Major General enlisted in the human forces here on base.”

Spinning the data pad around again the general scrolled through the information to find the correct designation. “The 304th Grenadiers were assigned as their protection detail and were the humans you saw with it.”

He looked up at the prince. “They weren’t running in fear, they were playing with them.”

“Do you not hear yourself!? The absurdity of this!?!!”

The general shook his head at the prince’s question. “It doesn’t matter how stupid this situation is, the matter of fact is the human’s take this extremely seriously that if you are caught by the humans outside of our quarter you will most likely be killed.”

“They would murder me over a primitive bird?!” the prince stammered.

Without saying anything the general selected an audio file from the pad and played it.

“You listen and you listen good,” the voice began. The prince could identify the thick grunge of a human voice and accent. “That bird your callus fuck murder has survived thirteen campaigns, and their family another three hundred and seventy three without ever losing one of their number in the field of combat until now.”

The prince made to say something but the general held up a hand and bade them to continue listening.

“The way we see it is you just offed one of our own, and you better pray that the provosts get you first and get you off world to hang; because if we get you there won’t be enough of you lift to identify by.”

With that the ominous message ended and the general looked up at the prince.

“You now understand the seriousness of this situation I hope.” He returned the data pad to his desk and clasped his taloned fingers. “There are over six thousand human soldiers part of our task force here and this message could have been sent by any of them, meaning there are now over six thousand veteran soldiers who have a potential death mark for you.”

He leaned forward to the prince, his expression removed of any levity for the situation.

“If you wish to remain alive until their provosts come for you I strongly advise you remain here and avoid any exposure outside what-so-ever; is that understood?”

“And if I refuse?” the prince asked; clinging to the notion that their position would keep them safe.

The general was about to answer when a loud chanting began echoing from outside and into the bunker. Tapping his ear piece the general asked for a status update and waited patiently as the response came in.

“Then you will not last the night, as it seems they’re already outside with a noose to hang you with.”

[what-evenami]

how are people able to live that long? how are they able to do thing?

right now I feel like I’m stuck. nothing is going as I wish. there is a saying that after every down will be an up but how long do it have to go down!? doesn’t feel like it will go up again.

[what-evenami]

SOUND ON.

[what-evenami]

This is so utterly hairraisingly ridiculous that you wish she made that story up, but it is unfortunately true.

[what-evenami]

BEHOLD

[what-evenami]

one time i was complaining about my shitty parents to a friend and he got frustrated and said “i’m gonna be your dad now. and your mom. you’re… dom. WAIT SHIT NO”

[what-evenami]

They Have AO3?!?

So apparently AO3 is cannonical to the DC universe, in which it is called Tales of our own or TO3!

[what-evenami]

Happiness Will Come To You.

[what-evenami]

[what-evenami]

[what-evenami]

People who are younger than you but taller

[what-evenami]

[what-evenami]

hmmm

[what-evenami]

“gender envy” this “gender envy” that,,, sir that man is a senior citizen