what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque

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I love that Astarions type is sweet people.

He says that Sebastian and the other unnamed target were sweet.

He lowkey crushes on Wyll who is described as sweet.

He calls romanced Tav sweet many times.

This guy who enjoys the emotional and physical discomfort of others wants to come home to a little softie at the end of the day and that fact alone sends me stumbling down the stairs clutching my chest.

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social contract is all fucked now, nobody wears ear buds on the train anymore and almost nobody will assassinate a politician for the greater good

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I only hate certain types of fic the same way I hate mosquitos and ticks. Like get these nasty little buggers away from me but also I respect their place in the ecosystem.

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Dev notes and dialogue from Act 3 - Cazador

Some notes and dialogues from the area before meeting Sebastian and Cazador (from the datamined dialogue).

You can find the previous posts here

ROOMS

The comment Astarion makes when he enters the bedrooms has guests written as "guests". Given he says our I suppose this was specifically for the victims he took.

Regarding the Chamberlain, we know that his partner killed herself after finding him poisoned (he poisoned himself but should still be alive, in theory). The dialogue files have a dialogue/narration for the lover who was actually a werewolf:

She drank the potion that seemingly (probably) stopped the Chamberlain's vital functions.

BALLROOM

First of all... if you speak with the dead you find out a bit about the party in the ballroom, and apparently Cazador really was obsessed with physical beauty.

CELLS

There is no particularly interesting note in the meeting with the Gur children, but I thought it was interesting that they can comment on how cold they are. I thought vampires and spawns felt no cold, but apparently, they do. Another interesting dialogue I think was cut from the game or at least I did not hear it, but one of the prisoners in the cells say:

The note says "as if about to get beaten" which implies that Cazador visited his spawns in the cells now and then, at least to torture them.

Near the cell you can also check the rules, and the list of names for all the prisoners. Ascended Astarion actually "smugly" thanks all the victims who died for him to ascend:

CAZADOR

Some bits that i found interesting in Cazador's fight or generally about Cazador... one is the fact that a servant will comment on Cazador having rages, and if you remember that is also what Cazador says of Astarion, to mock him (asking the player if he had ever seen Astarion's fits of rage).

While Syrin here is talking about Astarion, I do not think they are referring to the knowledge that Astarion has fits of rages, but that Cazador had (otherwise they would say something like "will he still have rages").

Another small note about Cazador, to get a feeling of what he thinks of Astarion:

(also the note to "I will ascend" says that Cazador leans forward and whispers it in Astarion's ear, which we do not scene in the scene but would have been quite cool).

In the Astarion playthrough, he can ask Cazador to beg to not be killed. And the note says that Cazador really does not believe that Astarion will kill him. That is probably why he seemed to calm.... he really though Astarion would not harm him:

If you pass the intimidation, there is a line with the note "Cazador is starting to doubt", and then Cazador will actually beg by trying to convince Astarion that he saved him, he gave him eternal life.

In another option in the dialogue we also have Cazador complaining about Astarion's prattle and his voice, saying that that is the reason why the other spawns hate him:

I talked about some of the other stuff before, but here some more interesting things listed:

in the game Yousen is bugged, but in the files he actually says that he has been one of Cazador's spawns for 60 years (you can talk to the spawns if you kill Cazador without Astarion and each has a dialogue, you can see it here)

Cazador will tell Astarion to straighten up ("do not slouch before me, boy") and the devnotes say that Astarion does it

In the Astarion game, if you do not intimidate Petras after killing Cazador he will actually threaten Astarion

[what-is-it-to-be-pk-esque]

So, I started my second playthrough as Astarion. Partly because I wanted to try romance with Shadowheart (I'm not sure I would have succeeded with the vampire available at the camp, lol), partly because I wanted to understand Astarion's character even more deeply. Fortunately, having already played the game I'm going significantly faster (and therefore my husband probably won't ask for a divorce). At the moment I don't want to talk about this second experience of mine, but only express some of my reflections regarding the character of Astarion. I certainly won't say anything new, but bear with me, I'm of a certain age and I only finished the game recently! xD

Astarion: It's not fair, darling, I wanted to be the only one holding knives to other people's throats!

Browsing the web I often read that Astarion is evil. I think instead that judging him is all too easy, if we consider his vulnerabilities. And yes, that's exactly what it's about: vulnerability. Because Astarion doesn't have the means to defend himself or approach the world in a way that we would consider healthy. For example, Tav/Durge could easily take advantage of him and Astarion would let him do it, which is uniquely sad (spare me, I only saw it on YouTube, I would never dream of doing something like that to him). As much as he tries to disguise it with his charm and his sharp tongue, Astarion is a victim. At the beginning of the game he still thinks and acts as if he had never left Cazador's pleasure chambers, despite the freedom he has gained. One of the very first things he does is prostitute himself for Tav/Durge's favor, hell! And if they wants, Tav/Durge can act towards him as a surrogate master who decides for him (what he can or cannot eat, whether or not to bite the perverted blood merchant, etc); and, again, Astarion will let them do it, because he is used to it that way. And when things go differently, he is surprised and doesn't know how to react. Astarion knows nothing else. He is literally incapable of anything else. Cazador himself says it, in a truly chilling way. Because it's damn true. And sad. In the mind of the abuser, the one who created and shaped him, it is clear as day: without a figure to refer to, for better or for worse, Astarion does not know what to do with his life. Not anymore. Not after Cazador made him his obedient puppet. For 200 fucking years. In fact, Cazador is certain that without the presence of Tav/Durge (the alternative) Astarion will return home to him. Even if it means sinking into a nightmare again. Or even die. Because Astarion has nothing and no one out there for him. And it's such a real concept that it breaks my heart, because even in real life abusers scorch earth around those who are unfortunate enough to end up in their clutches. So that they can never escape from them.

Astarion: I mean... five minutes ago I was in the kennel... and now I have to save the world without even a bit of therapy?!?! Of cooourse, what fun!!!

Yes, Astarion was once a magistrate. And no, not a corrupt magistrate; there is no evidence of this in the game and as far as I know the old concept for his character has been discarded. On the other hand, I have the clear feeling that he was a rather severe and intransigent magistrate, yes, which may have led him to the tragic night of the attack by the Gur. In any case, the person he once was is dead and buried. Cazador took it. Eradicated in 200 years of torture and replaced with another existence: the vampiric one. And we know well what the rules of vampiric society are: Vellioth passed them on to Cazador and Cazodor to Astarion. So the magistrate (with all his wealth of experience) is no longer a part of him that Astarion can appeal to extricate himself from the complexity of the situations he suddenly finds himself experiencing, free from the control of his master. The boy doesn't even remember what color his eyes were anymore! And that's why he is completely defenseless. And scared. Even the possibility of finally being able to decide causes him deep anxiety.

By defenseless I mean that he does not have the skills (or at least a shred of self-esteem) to manage relationships or situations in an adequate and healthy way, let's be clear. Therefore on many occasions he acts or reacts (and it is how he behaves, let's underline it, not what he is) selfishly or even cruelly. Often just to give himself a tone and not always feel miserable as usual.

So I wonder if someone who has just begun to live again, to rediscover the world and himself, can be called evil. At the end of his quest Astarion himself will declare in front of his tomb that he must figure out who he is and what he wants. So the Astarion we met at the beginning can't be the real Astarion, right? It cannot and must not be the Astarion on which to base an objective judgement. Not to mention that being evil and performing evil acts are two completely different things. Wyll is a good guy, yet he made a deal with a devil, for example. In extreme situations even the kindest and most sensitive person in the world could find themselves carrying out controversial actions. None of us will ever know what we are capable of, for better or for worse, until we find ourselves in similar situations.

If we then consider the context in which the character of Astarion moves, I wonder more about why there is such a stir. In Faerûn killing, threaten or deceiving are the order of the day. For everyone, including heroes. Lady Ailyn is literally a beacon of hope, a demigoddess daughter of a good deity, yet she can be terrifying. The way she punishes the wicked is inhumane, violent. Outraging the body of the downed enemy is not a good deed. It even goes beyond punishing the evil one in question. For us in the real world it is a crime punishable by law. For her it's a personal matter, of course, we know this from her story. So why can't Astarion enjoy violence and blood? He is a vampire, he cannot eradicate certain instincts. And it's great to hear him say it in his own voice, point out the hypocrisy and the double standards: "It turns out no one actually cares about murder, as long as you murder the right people." And after 200 years of impotence, tasting power and enjoying it seems to me at least the least. Of course, it's not a good thing when it comes to bending others to your will. But, as stated, carrying out an evil action (or boasting about it, because Astarion often barks and doesn't bite) does not necessarily mean being evil.

Astarion: I see you there, stumbling. Pathetic. Leave room for the professional, who better than a rogue can move lightly on the thin line between good and evil?

I think that saying Astarion is evil is completely flattening his character. People are not that simple, nor are circumstances or where we come from. At the beginning of the journey he behaves like an asshole, yes, and exceeds in his base instincts which he must learn to control. But he is willing and able to learn and that makes all the difference in the world. Of course this depends on Tav/Durge, on the player himself, the only one who can show him another way. Or not.

I also add another consideration; and I get involved too because I'm human and not a saint. In living everyday life we ​​are much more similar to the character of Astarion than to the classic hero. In small things, of course, we mind our own business, we try to avoid trouble, we compete with others to achieve a goal to the detriment of competitors, we don't risk our lives for complete strangers, at most we call the police; effectively letting someone else deal with it. All this while having a normal life, without having to fight for survival. We lie, we talk badly about someone behind their back, we hurt the people around us. Then maybe we'll apologize... but I'll tell you a secret: Astarion is also capable of doing it! So I wonder if sometimes it's so easy to be so hard on him because in him we see the worst traits of human beings, our worst traits. The ones we reject. Just as Astarion is harsh towards those who share his same fate, because: "I just... I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn't need to know my shame."

To top it off, the game and interactions change depending on how the player approaches their adventure. The choices I made in my heroic playthrough probably led me to see a part of Astarion that was decidedly human and not very monstrous. And despite my heroic (and rhetorical, lol) acts, his approval was always pretty high. Let's say I had fun defeating him with my patience, unconditional trust and so much kindness. I will never forget his line at the brothel: "Eugh, dont' be so nice to me! It makes me want to be nice back." Priceless.

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Someone stop him please.

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Act 3 -> Epilogue

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I am never prepared for how sweet and insightful Astarion can be when you let him be the strong one. He is good at being strong and showing valor in situations when Durge is afraid or vulnerable. In this scene, when Durge chooses to open up to Astarion about their fears, he answers graciously, using himself as an example to forge a connection, and to build trust. He is unafraid of facing and admitting his own weaknesses and vulnerabilities as a way of showing Durge that it's okay, that one can overcome who they thought they had to be in their darkest hours. That is something the dark urge romance is showing me, specifically

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i still think about how in the epilogue, Gale the adventurer/professor says 'I love you'

With such adoration and warmth in his eyes. This look just truly portrays how much he loves tav. How tav is his everything. And the kiss, the kiss is teasing and cute and passionate and playful.

And even the sacrificed epilogue, there is such emotion in the hologram kiss and tav looks purely distraught and broken.

And even the hologram recalls Gale's love back to tav with just pure sadness reflected in it's eyes. It looks just as broken as tav.

But god Gale? God Gale doesn't ever explicitly tell tav he loves them. The closest he says is this:

"My love". But never explictly 'I love you.' It's like tav is just... a possession. "MY love". And the kiss is just a quick peck... it feels void of feeling, of love, of PASSION. There's no real emotion to it.

And it all just truly feels like a call back to this

So essentially with god Gale...

There's no feeling. No tenderness. I like to think he still cares for tav but... there's no more true love. No more feeling. Just a hollow shell of what once was. No god Gale could ever compare. And I'm afraid going forward... tav will just be another 'Gale' as Gale was to Mystra. Once he ascends, he loses any sense of true humanity. It’s all so… bittersweet.

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My favourite thing about Minthara is that she’s HILARIOUS. But not even remotely in the way she intends to be funny. Because this woman genuinely has a STRONG sense of humour. She absolutely delights in making puns. She thrives off of doing a mean girl banter routine with other party members, but when speaking to her for one-on-one concrit sessions, she has a great deal more respect than she lets on for most of the other party members, so some of it must be in jest.

But holy shit the things this woman says completely seriously are some of the funniest, most wildly inappropriate things to say, but in a way I don’t think ANYONE would even think to say.

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Dev notes for the Cazador confrontation (SPOILERS)

I think in the game I was not sure that Astarion would actually straighten up after Cazador reprimanded him but...

I also never got this dialogue, interesting that Astarion replies that Cazador will always be part of him:

There is some stuff that I think has been cut out (ex. a "yes my boy" that Cazador says softly to Astarion because Astarion spared him).

And some from the Astarion origin that adds some extra context about Astarion and the other spawns:

Also, we have the confirmation he was 39 years old. Here are some notes from the graveyard:

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The nautiloid colors are just too good.

*no altering or reposting to other sites*