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trying to get back up

Maggie Nelson, Bluets.

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holy shit I'm drunk crying to this new Julien Baker album so hard rn lol

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tagged by @adagiettos

a song you like with a color in the title –
"Black Lake" - Björk a song you like with a number in the title –
"745" - Vince Staples a song that reminds you of summer time –
"Self Control" - Frank Ocean a song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget about - "All I Want" - Joni Mitchell a song that needs to be loud
"Capacity" - Big Thief a song that makes you want to dance –
"Neon Guts" - Lil Uzi Vert a song to drive to - "See You Again" - Tyler, The Creator a song about drugs or alcohol –
"Between the Bars" - Elliott Smith a song that makes you happy–
"Everybody Wants to Love You" - Japanese Breakfast a song that makes you sad - "Ravens" - Mount Eerie

I don't fkn follow anyone on this thing so no tags lmao

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fuck

-5

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made friends :-)

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Björk, Arca and Jesse Kanda in New York, United States. July 10, 2017.

Björk, Arca y Jesse Kanda en Nueva York, Estados Unidos. 10 de Julio, 2017.

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reminder 2 myself

10 TIPS FOR MY NON-BLACK AND LIGHT-SKINNED OR WHITE-PASSING LATINO AND ASIAN BRETHREN

I am a light-skinned person with a light-skinned/passing Latina mother and a brown-skinned Pinoy father. I do not pass as white. However, I am often seen as mixed Asian by other people, which means I am afforded the many privileges that come with that perception.  It means, for instance, that white gentrifiers trying to move into my neighborhood in North Oakland have stopped me on the street as I walked by and asked me if the neighborhood is “safe.” It means that when I get pulled over or questioned by police I don’t fear my imminent death. All this social location stuff to say that I’m about to get into some shit that is based on my personal experiences. I have done all of the things listed below. I have seen many people I love and care about do them. And lots of people I don’t love or care about.

I also want to say that I respect self-identification unless proven otherwise. If you tell me you are a person of color, I believe you. However, there are people in our communities that have ZERO people of color lineage anywhere in their immediate ancestry (Cherokee princess great great grandmother does not count EVER) who actively have lied and told people they were people of color. Those people need to get called out. There are also crazy ass white people who feel they are “transracial” and try to call themselves another race. Those motherfuckers need to be given a stern talking to or something  (by other white people, not POC). Preferably on an isolated island away from POC for the next 25 years.

I don’t know what it is like to be a light-skinned or white passing person with black, middle eastern, polynesian, native american and quite a few other ancestries. So I’m not gonna try to tell you what to do. There might be parallels between your experience and mine, though, so take what you will.

If you call yourself POC and are not lying or crazy (go ahead and call my crazy ass ableist for using this term; dare you) then I’m down for your right to call yourself that. Don’t trip. But if you act a fool, I will let you know. Here’s some tips for not acting a fool.

Stop saying that other people of color are policing or excluding you from POC-ness. There is no such thing as reverse racism NOR reverse colorism. If this makes no sense to you, see #2 - #10.

Colorism refers to the ways in which material and social gain is systematically given to people who meet or uphold white supremacist notions of beauty. NOT ONE POC who is light-skinned or white passing is being denied jobs or housing or being targeted for violence in a SYSTEMIC way because of their light or white skin. Please don’t tell us about how somebody called you “white bitch” because they were jealous of how white you looked and that this was a form of violence. This is not an example of historical systemic oppression. It’s mean, it’s bullying, it’s misogynist, but it’s not colorism. Note: violence or outright insult, harassment or bullying is never okay no matter who does it.

Never tell a darker-skinned or non-passing person of color that their behavior is upholding internalized oppression. Never ever. Especially when it’s cuz you feel like they did something to you for being light-skinned or white passing.  Just shut up about it. You telling a person with less societal power than you about their internalized oppression is really just you using your privilege to silence them and avoid your feelings of guilt and alienation for being a light-skinned or passing person. Especially if you do it in a public forum. (And no it still isn’t okay even if you “beat” them on some other front, like you are poor and they have money or you have a chronic illness and they seem healthy or you think they have gender privilege over you). Note again: violence or outright insult, harassment or bullying is never okay no matter who does it. If you are being physically or emotionally abused by someone, please seek support.

That being said, deal with your feelings of alienation and guilt around being light-skinned or white-passing. Like really, really fucking deal with them, historically, emotionally, ancestrally, spiritually, but especially MATERIALLY. I can’t tell you exactly what this looks like without writing a whole other essay. It is still in constant process for myself. But chances are if you are doing any of the problematic shit listed here, you are having a hard time with dealing. Start with checking your defensiveness. If you are thinking about writing me a tirade about how racist I am or how I didn’t say it the right way to get anyone to listen because I’m being mean, or how I am being divisive to POC unity, or how I am ignoring the fact that you are really pale right now because it’s winter, take a moment to pause. Those arguments are so tired and a symptom of your need for self-reflection.

Build communities of accountability with other light-skinned and white-passing people of color. Communities of accountability are groups of peers who lovingly push one another towards growth, transformation, and active rejection and dismantlement of colorism and white supremacy. For instance, when you feel bad about something related to #1 - #4 but manage to keep it to yourself in the moment, take care of yourself by talking about your feelings with these light-skinned or white passing peers.  If you did say or do something fucked up and have realized that you made a mistake, let your peers support you as you take accountability. If all these peers do is validate your experience and tell you were right or that it’s okay because we all make mistakes, they are not holding you accountable. They are handing you a warm bottle of baby formula, a teddy bear, and a singing you a lullaby. They are keeping you asleep. Nitey nite.

If you gather with other light-skinned or white-passing people, but you all never talk about and TAKE ACTION around your privilege, then your association with them is just the white/light POC equivalent of an “old boys’ club.” It is not a community of accountability; it is just a franchise for white supremacy.

When you notice you are someplace where there are only light-skinned or white-passing people, talk about it. Especially if it is an environment that is touted as a people of color space. Do not allow yourself to be the token or amongst a small minority of people of color in a space that is claiming to be POC-inclusive without at least saying something. Verbal acknowledgement holds power. Interrupt spaces that uphold white supremacy by speaking up and naming the elephant in the room. Unless your basic needs or physical safety being met is at stake, take action by stepping down from tokenizing roles where you and other light-skinned white-passing POC are the only members. Demand that darker-skinned and/or black folks with more experience than you replace you. Actively make sure this happens. Actually I take that back. DO NOT send other POC of any skin tone into an environment where tokenization is happening. Put in the work to shut that shit down or actively warn people against getting involved in tokening projects and organizations.

If other people of color (even ones who you consider “as” light-skinned or white-passing as you) ask you about your race or don’t accept you right away, don’t get all hurt. Just be straight up. Let your acts and how you show up in the future speak for itself and build trust. Do you trust every POC you meet just because they’re POC? I certainly don’t. Yes, it might hurt you to feel rejected or be met with suspicion by a community you want to call your own, but truth is you have access to all sorts of communities and privileges that others in your group don’t get because of your skin privilege. Also, protecting ourselves from whiteness is a REAL safety issue. People of color want to know who is white so they know who to not to turn their back on. This is healthy self-preservation, especially for people perceived as black, who face regular threat to their very lives by the state and other upholders of white supremacy. The closer you are perceived to be to blackness, the closer you are to physical, economic, and psychological violence committed by white supremacy and its agents.

Remember that privilege is not just an idea or a thought or a conversation. It is also an experience of embodiment that can be observed by others. Remember that the hive mind of human consciousness is so adept that we can all state, without doubt, which races are at the top and which are on the bottom. White is on top. Black is on the bottom. If you cannot admit that and let yourself feel the way the consciousness of white supremacy lives within your flesh, then there is no hope of ever exorcising that hierarchy from the hive mind. Pretending our whiteness isn’t there just gives it more power and prevents the healing that needs to occur between people of color in general.

10. Be able to name your light-skinned or passing privilege without stuttering. And don’t expect a parade with glitter and a marching band when you do. You can imagine one in your head if you like. That’s okay. 

I lied. I have one more because I’m generous like that. If your darker-skinned or non-passing POC homies agree with you when you tell them how fucked up this article is and assure you that you are really awesome, they might be reassuring you because they are scared of what they might lose if they disagree. Don’t put them in the position of reassuring you. THAT’S fucked up.

None of these ideas are new. In fact, there are almost no new ideas under the sun. Thank you to those around me and who have come before me who have been formulating and enacting these ideas for longer than I’ve been alive.

If you find this post offensive, that is good. Hopefully it will push you towards transformation. Nothing you say can hurt me. I am open to dialogue and critique, however, and will think deeply and respectfully about thoughtful and respectful responses. If you act a fool in general, I will treat you like a fool.

If you got something out of this post, support my future writing with a $2 - $2000 contribution!

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summer bummer

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feelsbadman

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angry journal!

I’ve been thinking a lot about how the Asian “model-minority” stereotype and subsequent cultural appropriation have been underscored by some of my favorite musicians as a part their artistic expression and tbh, I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it! Bjork’s Homogenic is a top 5 album for me, and its strong feminist message was groundbreaking especially considering it was the 90s. But did she really have to dress up as a Japanese geisha with neck rings for the album cover in order to best represent her image of a woman-warrior? Young Thug’s Jeffery is one of my favorite rap albums from last year, and his decision to wear what is traditionally viewed as women’s clothing for the album cover-art was met with praise and support by many, which is great when you take into account the hypermasculinity and misogyny in the rap/hip-hop community. But the Japanese kimono-style dress matched with the Vietnamese traditional non la hat reduces each’s culture to a singular Asian aesthetic. One of the defining aspects of Frank Ocean’s brand during the release of Channel Orange, which was praised for his openness about his bi-sexuality, was his signature headband. But the headband was of the Japanese Rising Sun flag, an offense image to persons who are Korean, Chinese, and Filipino as it symbolizes Imperial Japan’s brutally violent actions against them during World War II (imagine if he wore a swastika headband, it’s approaching that level). These are tame compared to the in-your-face racism and appropriation utilized primarily by white pop stars, and at that point I don’t even bother calling them out by name, let alone give their music a chance. But it’s the underlying, complex, and often well-meaning examples that I find have the most potential for discussion and action. This kind of appropriation of Asian culture is fueled by the model-minority stereotype. The overt racism is shrouded by falsely perceived overarching racial-success, and consequently many people think it’s okay to use Asian cultural symbols and items as they please. What makes this difficult is that these artists have legitimate and important things to express! And they make amazing music! Yet there seems to be no second thought about the impact their choice of imagery and clothing has, and there are sooooo many examples of this kind of appropriation in all kinds of media and entertainment. (Slight tangent, but this is why I always get a little uncomfortable when my non-Asian friends dress up as Asian characters for Halloween or cosplay, not because it’s blatant yellow-face, but because it perpetuates this stereotype and  more often than not reduces a culture to a personal aesthetic). Usually I feel like I can only talk to Joe about this, but the blatant segregation/racism that has become increasingly prevalent in the Grammys in the past few years has me extra heated and I need to vent! I love love love the forward-thinking and emotional honesty these and many other artists are sharing with us in their craft, but their ignorant choice of imagery and apparel perpetuates both the stereotyping/fetishization of the many Asian cultures (Chinese, Indian, Japanese, Korean, and South-East Asian to name the most prominent ones), and the silencing of Asian voices within the art community.

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Ok Ken (and David). As much as I hate to make you guys famous or even respond to you directly. We all die one day and you're old so fuck it. Yea yea my 2013 performance at the Grammys was absolute shit. Technical difficulties, blah blah. Thanks for the reminder. Very much appreciated. Fuck that performance though. You think that's why I kept my work out of the Grammy process this year? Don't you think I would've wanted to play the show to 'redeem' myself if I felt that way? In reality, I actually wanted to participate in honoring Prince on the show but then I figured my best tribute to that man's legacy would be to continue to be myself out here and to be successful. Winning a TV award doesn't christen me successful. It took me some time to learn that. I bought all my masters back last year in the prime of my career, that's successful. Blonde sold a million plus without a label, that's successful. I am young, black, gifted and independent.. that's my tribute. I've actually been tuning into CBS around this time of year for a while to see who gets the top honor and you know what's really not 'great TV' guys? 1989 getting album of the year over To Pimp A Butterfly. Hands down one of the most 'faulty' TV moments I've seen. Believe the people. Believe the ones who'd rather watch select performances from your program on YouTube the day after because your show puts them to sleep. Use the old gramophone to actually listen bro, I'm one of the best alive. And if you're up for a discussion about the cultural bias and general nerve damage the show you produce suffers from then I'm all for it. Have a good night.

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Björk, Drawing Restraint 9, 2005

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Obviously, drinking gasoline incurs bodily harm on you, but also, being an accessory to that kind of behavior and having to decide — it incurs harm upon you, too. And then, are you responsible for permitting that? If you stay, are you responsible for permitting it? And if you leave, are you responsible for not intervening? If you intervene, are you out of your bounds? Everything about the song is figuring out how you should act in your level of responsibility for your own health and to others in the dynamic of a relationship, which is a difficult lesson to learn.

I feel like I would have put myself into an unfavorable or unhealthy position for this person and maybe recognizing from an outside perspective that that destructivism is a more healthy thing to do than to stay in it for the sort of, romantic, admirable belief that subjecting yourself to this kind of sacrificial, fatuous love would be more of the right thing to do.

– Julien Baker on her new song, “Funeral Pyre” 

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Frank ocean / boys don’t cry

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