my name is caitlin. 25. i like being kind. i like weird music. i like shooting guns. i like talking into the void, which is the only reason why im still here.
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my life as rob gordon // the wonder years
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im not even joking rn this fucking painting made me start uncontrollably sobbing. Do you know how long it took to paint? How expensive it was? The cat was content for hours and so loved that the girl held him there and paid for him to be painted with her. Imagine having such a bond… imagine being so loved and loving so much back…

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anyway if the state can get people thinking legal = good and illegal = bad–and keep their thoughts from straying too far from that–they can get people to accept the most horrifying shit. Good thing that’d never happen though right h a aa ha
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I need you to know I love you still, I don’t like me
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trying to come to terms with the fact that i will always care more about people than they care about me and really i don't mean very much to people when they mean the absolute world to me and i will live and die feeling this lonely and i truly can't see the point when im always reaching out for others but no one ever thinks to reach out to me and hahhahaha of course my friends don't want to spend time with someone so miserable they want to be around people who are happy and make them happy and i am just,,, not that
#just want to feel soft again#screaming into the void#i know it's not forever but fuck how much longer will i make myself suffer like this#long run on sentences that no one will read is my specialty
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all of this time has past
and now looking back
sometimes i really think
you came back just for the cat
#and i still miss you#been trying my hand at songwriting#it's hard but this came kind of easily#maybe my lil uke and i will start a bandcamp
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When the truth is surrounded by lies, it is impossible for it to prevail.
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Screaming in pain covered in blood trying to put the fitted sheets on the bed
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i want to feel close to people again. i want to feel good enough. how can i do that if i feel like ive let down every single person that i love and care for? im not giving up, im just so tired. i have no healthy outlets. i know that progress takes time and patience is a virtue but i got so fucking far just to get thrown back to where i started. putting in all that work again feels daunting. everything scares me again. i wake up and i hurt and i go to bed and i hurt and it feels like there is no way for me to comfort myself. im sure it'll be okay one day, but what happens if i feel like this until then?
#boo hoo here comes the pity party#trauma used to make me funny#now it just makes me feel utterly unimportant#i know feelings aren't facts but emotional regulation has never been my strong suit#screaming into the void
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talkative cats are the backbone of society. when you look at a cat and they go “mrrp?” at you? that’s what it’s all about baby
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