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[whateverthefunk]

[whateverthefunk]

a letter to you

11 October 2018 

     Do you ever think about me? Do you ever miss me? Probably you don’t, or if you do, not much. Do you feel guilty for what you did? Do you regret anything? Probably you don’t. It’s easier to hate you if I picture you with no remorse.

    I don’t hate you, though. I don’t know how I feel about you. I think about you almost every day, usually not on purpose. There are just things that remind me of you, like that stupid “Fred” t-shirt. That shirt has belonged to Vera since 2009 and yet the image of you wearing it three months ago is seared into my mind. We weren’t even together for very long -- I haven’t even known you for very long! I don’t know why it hurts so much to think of you or why so many things make me think of you, as though you were the most important thing in my life. 

    I had a dream featuring you last night. It was so strange to see you. My old ex-friend Mia was on the subway with me, talking and joking, and then she was gone and there you were. You both mistreated me and you both made me feel blindsided when you dropped me out of the blue, and both times I felt alone and stupid and horrible for a long time afterwards. In the dream, you were talking to me as though we were buddies, like everything was normal. At one point you pulled out some chapstick, but it was my Nivea that I had left in your dorm room. I never left chapstick in your dorm room. Eventually we got to where we were going and met some of my friends from Photo House. Violet looked at me with surprise and confusion and a tinge of disappointment. She doesn’t like you. Most of my friends don’t like you now.

    I don’t think you’re a bad person. Sometimes I really feel like I hate you. Can you feel my energy when I think about you? Can you feel my anger and my hurt? Do you know how much I have cried about this? 

    Have you cried at all about this? Have you fucked someone else yet? Probably you have. I don’t want to know. 

    Sometimes you sicken me and it’s so easy to mock you. Sometimes I do things, or hesitate to do them, with your opinion in mind. I often have to remind myself that it doesn’t matter what you think. 

    There are days when I barely think of you. Lately I’ve been dwelling more. I’ve been missing the physical touch, the intimacy, the laughter. I don’t miss the stress. Why was there stress? We weren’t meant to last, I suppose. I don’t know why I wanted us to. 

    I think you’re selfish. I wish you weren’t. I wish sometimes that you could just change, that you could grow into who I needed you to be and we could be together again without the hurt. I really loved you. I thought we were a good pair sometimes. But it isn’t what you wanted, and we really weren’t a very good pair.  

    You aren’t the person I thought you were, or who I convinced myself you were. You were never really very caring, and you were a lot more manipulative than I realized. Sometimes I feel so stupid for ever being with you at all, for opening myself up to you and for trusting that it would work out. Did you ever really care about me? Do you really still care about me, like you said you do? Do you understand the hurt you've caused? 

    Some people have told me that I was lucky to get out of this relationship, that I “dodged a bullet,” that it was your loss. Do you have any sense of loss, though? Should I feel lucky for this pain? I’m still learning how to.

[whateverthefunk]

“I love walking around the city. I catch the Metro North train at 11:40 every morning. I go to the same gym that I’ve been going to for forty years. Then I just start walking. If you take big strides it really stretches you out. And there are millions of other people walking around. You never feel alone. People smile at you. On weekends I’ll bring my granddaughters with me and we’ll tour different neighborhoods. We’ve seen ten or twelve so far. Sometimes I get to borrow them for the whole afternoon. But they’re at sleep away camp right now so I’m missing them a lot. And that’s about it. I do a little shopping at the thrift store. I stop and read the paper. I eat at outdoor restaurants. It’s simple but I found what makes me happy and I’m doing it. And when I’m heading home at night, sometimes I think: ‘I just had the best day of my life.’”

[whateverthefunk]

2000s Disney Channel Pop Alignment Chart

[whateverthefunk]

[whateverthefunk]

Amazing!

[whateverthefunk]

yesterday my first table at work was 4 complete shitholes who yelled at me twice before i even took their food order and almost made me cry. before they ate, they all bowed their heads to pray.

so on the top of their receipt i wrote “hebrews 13:2″ and they went WILD. they LOVED IT. they tipped me over 20% for my “education fund”.

hebrews 13:2 is “do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it”, and i really hope they got home and looked it up and realized that i am, in fact, a petty fucking bitch

[whateverthefunk]

this is so fucking funny to me how many times have I heard this lmao

[whateverthefunk]

canonically

oh my fucknfifgngig

[whateverthefunk]

I went a little overboard for a marine bio class project about invertebrates. I picked sea slugs and made a picture book. I’ve never done something so cutesy before, it was fun! 

[whateverthefunk]

[whateverthefunk]

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[whateverthefunk]

Would it kill men to not casually be sexually predatory all the fucking time?

[whateverthefunk]

the cutest

Daniel Kaluuya

photographed by Thomas Whiteside forGQ Magazine March 2018

[whateverthefunk]

me: *has a breakdown over smth stupid* me @ me:

[whateverthefunk]

“Legally we’ve been married for 7 years but before that we’ve been together for 50 years!”

😍😍😍Swoon!

[whateverthefunk]