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whatkindofpersondoiwanttobe · 8 years ago

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Lifestyle Changes: Food

Vegetarian

Trigger: I read a few articles on how eating meat is bad for your health and bad for the environment (considering only high level facts at this time).

Action: I became a vegetarian for a little over a year.

Non-red meat eater

Trigger: I enjoy eating meat, unfortunately, and began to miss it. I ate some lamp chops, which is red meat, and had a reaction akin to food poisoning.

Action: I decided that red meat is out, but pork, poultry and fish are fair game. This works out for a while. I regress one more time though in regards to red meat and eat half of a hamburger after a few months. I puke the next morning and realize that red meat is officially out FOREVER. I haven’t had red meat in about 3 years at this point. Once you stop eating red meat, I don’t see how you can physically go back to it. I’m sure some people somewhere have done this though.

Vegetarian (again, but non-strict)

Trigger: I felt I had been eating too much dead animal for moral reasons primarily, but I was still not ready to give it up completely.

Action: I became a vegetarian again with occasional meat consumption (2-4 times per month I would estimate).

Vegetarian (strict)

Trigger: I consumed way too much dead animal over the holidays and felt like shit morally as well as physically (I’m sure too many processed foods in general contributed to this as well).

Action: I cut meat out completely this time; no exceptions.

Vegetarian (strict) + Blue Zone

Trigger: I read the Blue Zones issue of National Geographic cover to cover. In the issue, they cited five “Blue Zones” that have the largest populations of centenarians (people living over 100 years old) in the world. They studied literally everything about these populations from diet to religion.

The five Blue Zones studied:

Ikaria, Greece: an island in the Aegean Sea.

Okinawa, Japan: the largest island in a sub-tropical archipelago.

Ogliastra region, Sardinia: mountainous highlands on an Italian island.

Loma Lida, California: a community with the highest concentration of Seventh-day Adventists.

Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica: not an island, but a remote area of Costa Rica

What were the commonalities? They are calling these “The Power Nine”:

Move naturally: Not going to the gym, but having physical activity as part of everyday life.

Purpose: Having something to live for beyond work; “why I wake up in the morning”.

Downshift: Having routines that shed stress (prayer, naps, happy hour, etc.)

80% Rule: Stop eating when you feel you are 80% full.

Plant Slant: Have a 95% plant-based diet.

Wine @ 5: You can drink alcohol regularly, but moderately...and make it red wine.

Right Tribe: Social circles. These can be family, friends or a combination of both, but generally a core circle of meaningful relationships.

Community: If you are religious, then this can help you in this area. Per research, attending faith-based services four times a month adds 4 to 14 years of life expectancy. Don’t confuse this with religion though. It’s about the community aspect that faith groups provide (the religions of the Blue Zone populations vary). If you don’t have a religious faith, don’t worry. Interaction with “a community” is the key. Loneliness is a key contributor to depression if that helps explain it further.

Loved Ones First: Investing in love and kindness towards your family, children, elders, community, etc. Having a life partner can add up to three years of life expectancy (regardless of sexuality). Work is typically third or fourth on the list of priorities in life.

Action: I drastically reduced the variety and types of foods that I was consuming. I would still eat eggs and cheese, but I reduced my egg consumption to 1-2 per week and would only eat goat cheese (if I ate cheese)...no cheese from cows. Major reduction in processed foods and more eating in versus eating out as well.

This is the diet that I was eating for nearly every meal (all organic):

Vegan corn tortillas (these should technically already be vegan, but sometimes food companies add extra shit)

Beans! Beans! Beans! (all varieties except for non-vegan refried beans)

Leafy greens (arugula is my fave, but I rotated that with cabbage, kale and spinach)

Tomatoes (like all the time)

Almonds (usually the pre-sliced, unsalted kind, but I eventually just started eating whole almonds instead of slicing them b/c I’m lazy)

Assorted veggies (cucumbers, squash and a variety of peppers)

Assorted fruits (pears, apples and bananas mostly)

Goat cheese (if I opted to eat cheese)

Occasional egg (prepared any way)

Hot Sauce: This is my guilty pleasure; you can get hot sauce that doesn’t contain refined sugar, but I didn’t. Baby steps. :)

Vegan + Blue Zone

Trigger: I watched the documentary Cowspiracy. I won’t attempt to summarize the entire documentary (it wouldn’t do it justice if I did), but eliminating your consumption of animals is frankly not enough. If someone is raising their own chickens and/or goats while also farming the foods to feed these animals, then I’m less opposed to that right now. Eating any animals, however, is not okay with me. Eating eggs and milk from chickens and goats is okay with me but only in the scenario described above. I am vehemently opposed to raising cattle at this point. If the cow population is reduced to a reasonable size globally, then I MIGHT reconsider. Cows are THE WORST for the environment and sustainability. Fishing is next in line. Over-fishing is a crisis for our oceans which drastically affect our global climate. All of this is covered in the documentary, so just watch it! I’m certainly not an expert. :)

Action: I decided to become Vegan (consume zero animal products) while also maintaining the majority of the Blue Zone principles around food consumption. Eating out is pretty challenging. Living in Austin certainly helps with this though. There are plenty of restaurants and food trailers that are 100% vegan and more places than you would think offer vegan options on their menus. I haven’t had to visit my family in Oklahoma yet as a vegan, but I imagine that could be challenging. I’ll probably just have to bring the majority of my food with me. :)

My diet for this was everything under “Vegetarian (strict) + Blue Zone” except:

Goat cheese

Eggs

I’ve been vegan for nearly a month so far and Blue Zone for about 7 weeks (certainly not 100% perfect though). Most of my mistakes have been not knowing that something wasn’t vegan. Like my first day of being vegan, I ate a veggie burger. I ate the bread as well, which is apparently made with eggs, so there you go!

I ain’t gonna lie...it’s been hard. I’ve consistently lost about a pound per week, but have still had sugar cravings like mad! I’ve consumed more corn tortilla chips and salsa than I normally do. That seems to be my fallback in coping with the drastic dietary change. Oh well...it’s a process. :)

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whatkindofpersondoiwanttobe · 8 years ago

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My best friend has cancer, but I’m not the friend she needs...

My best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer about a week ago now. I travelled out of town to be there for her (honestly, to be there for me) during the time leading up to getting the results from her biopsy (which would confirm whether she had breast cancer or not). She lives away from her family. I didn’t want her to be alone during the weekend. I live away from my family as well and have had to rely on my spouse and my "chosen family” in their absence throughout the past 10+ years. We (my girlfriend and I) ended up staying in town for the Monday biopsy results as well, since we found out she planned on being alone to receive the news.

Throughout this entire weekend, I proceeded to say the wrong fucking thing at every single fucking turn!

Exhibit A

When we arrived at her house last Friday night, she was shit-faced. I didn’t realize it immediately as we were unloading the car. My girlfriend realized before me and asked, “Are you drunk?” The last time we spoke, she said she was doing some weight loss competition, so she was taking a break from drinking to help lose weight for it. So I commented, “Is that weight loss competition over then?” Fucking stupid. “Um, I’ve had a lot more important things to worry about.” I’m an idiot. I apologized immediately, “I’m sorry. It was a dumb question.” Of course she did.

Exhibit B

We’re shit-faced the night before she’s supposed to receive her biopsy results. Sober, she is a very private, reserved person. Drunk, however, she certainly is not. This has been the case our entire friendship of 10+ years.

We’re talking about what’s really important in life. Money is not. Possessions are not. Mortgages are not. Bills are not. Health is. Freedom is. Family is. Travel is. Vacations are. Experiences are. Friends are.

We deep dive into money, possessions, friends, freedom...all at once in our drunken state. My friend: “I don’t need this house.” “I don’t need this high salary.” “I would be just fine with a regular paying job.” “I could live with you guys in Austin.” Me: “You don’t need a job at all.” “Figure out how to work a bit here and there.” “Be a You-Tuber and make money that way.” “Start your own channel.” “If you’re dying, that could be your angle.” WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!! THE most ridiculous thing I’ve ever said in my life. Who the fuck thinks like that, let alone fucking says that shit?!?! Me apparently. Oh yeah, and I’m nearly 35 fucking years old saying this stupid fucking shit. I can’t fallback on youth for my stupidity.

My friend: “What did you just say?” “If you’re dying, that could be your angle.” I MOTHER FUCKING REPEAT!!!!!!! “Uh, that was really really really insensitive. I’m really sorry.” Silence...

Exhibit C

I know. I wish it ended at Exhibit B as well...probably more than anyone else except my friend. It’s biopsy results day. No one knew when the she would get the call, so we went out to breakfast with our laptops, since we were all “working remote” that day. We hadn’t even gotten around to ordering yet, when the call came. My friend and my girlfriend went outside of the restaurant to take the call. My girlfriend was to supposed to listen to the details, since my friend glazed over in an emotional state the last time she spoke with doctors and nurses.

I inherently knew to remain inside away from them. Last night’s dialogue was stained in my memory. In addition to being the biggest douche in the world, my friend also reminded me the night prior that her and I were “weak” (emotionally weak) and that my girlfriend and another friend of ours were the “strong ones”. I’m certainly not going to debate that truth.

My girlfriend texts me while they’re outside, “it’s cancer”. “fuck” is my response. They remain outside for a while. Eventually my girlfriend comes inside and let’s me know that my friend is trying to schedule an appointment with an oncologist outside and that I should probably go out there. So I go out there... She’s pacing back and forth in a field next to the restaurant. I don’t say anything. I just sit on the curb. The rest of our “field time” is kind of a blur.

At some point, we’re all sitting back at the table inside the restaurant. My friend is in a state of shock. My girlfriend is trying to preoccupy herself with work on her laptop. And I’m hiding my face behind a menu trying to cry in complete silence. This is what my friend meant by “weak” I realize.

Finally, my friend breaks the silence and starts to divulge bits and pieces of the conversation with the medical personnel. She mentions cancer in the lymph nodes and I ask ignorantly, “Does that mean it’s that ‘metastasis’ thing you mentioned before?” Fucking stupid. For one, don’t fucking use a medical term that you aren’t 100% certain of what it means! Second, don’t fucking say anything just because you feel you need to say something, but you don’t know what the fuck to say. Somehow this feels in line with “don’t say anything, if you don’t have anything nice to say”. Per Wikipedia, “Metastasis is the spread of a cancer or other disease from one organ or part of the body to another without being directly connected with it.” So this was not even a diagnosis that could be told by the biopsy alone, which means it’s still a possibility. And, it’s the worst possibility. And I suggested it as soon as she found out she had breast cancer. Yep, I’m a fucking douche.

Exhibit D

This one is thankfully less impactful, but potentially telling to the fact that my friend has realized my shortcoming; at this point, she’d have to be pretty dense to not have discerned this by now you might imagine.

To preface, as I’ve mentioned, my friend is super private. She’s also been in a state of shock understandably. She gave the friend that she previously told me was one of the “strong ones” permission to speak with the medical staff who have been handling her case up to this point. And that friend is truly strong. There’s no question about it. She’s a mom and I don’t know what it is, but mothers are fucking strong as shit! This “strong one” is the one that I have been in touch with for accurate information.

Prior to my friend’s oncologist appointments, she spoke with the medical staff to gather all of the necessary information that my friend was not prepared to hear.

What she told me:

Invasive Ductile Carcinoma Grade 3 (”Grade is different from stage, so don’t freak out on that.”)

Invasive Ductile Carcinoma is the most common type of breast cancer

Without biopsy, they cannot determine if cancer is in the lymph nodes, but the lymph nodes look suspicious

The following information will come from the doctor as appointments progress:

Type of cells (what is feeding the cancer)

Prognosis (stage of breast cancer)

Treatment options

Treatment recommendation

What she told my friend:

You have the most common type of breast cancer

Without biopsy, they cannot determine if cancer is in the lymph nodes, but the lymph nodes look suspicious

The following information will come from the doctor as appointments progress:

Type of cells (what is feeding the cancer)

Prognosis (stage of breast cancer)

Treatment options

Treatment recommendation

Today, she went to 2 oncologist appointments...the first was the recommended oncologist and the second was to get a second opinion. The “strong one” went with her as well as her mom. Here’s where Exhibit D comes in...

My friend’s ex-girlfriend, with whom she’s still really good friends, texts me asking if I’ve heard anything yet. I confirm that I haven’t and we agree to text each other as soon as one of us hears something.

The “strong one” sends this update to me after the first appointment:

“Wanted to give you an update. We are waiting on the second opinion. What we know is that it is invasive ductile carcinoma grade 3 triple negative it is common and hers is aggressive but treatable. We know she is stage 3A. The reason It is stage 3 is because of the size of the tumor. She has a PET scan tomorrow to make sure it has not spread. She has a biopsy of her lymph nodes , surgery work up and port insertion tomorrow. And starts chemo Thursday.”

Shortly after I receive this, I receive another text from the ex-girlfriend who is forwarding a text from the “strong one” who just texted me:

“We are waiting on the second opinion. What we know is that it is invasive ductile carcinoma grade 3 triple negative it is common and hers is aggressive but treatable. We know she is stage 3A. The reason I think is stage 3 is because of the size of the tumorShe has a PET scan tomorrow to make sure it has not spread. She has a biopsy of her lymph nodes , surgery work up and port insertion tomorrow. And starts chemo Thursday.”

“Looking at having a single mastectomy in about 4-6 months time. Once we get out of this appt I will be able to give you more information on the notes I took.”

The text is the same except for the last paragraph, which was omitted in the text that I received. This is potentially telling. It could, however, be an oversight. I won’t rule that out, but I’m not surprised if the former is true.

Before this registers with me, I reply back to the ex-girlfriend:

“Shit...didn't get the mastectomy part sent to me”

The ex-girlfriend replies:

“Hopefully, the PET scan shows that nothing has spread. That's shitty, but as long as she can get rid of it all.”

So, again, I said the wrong thing. I said the first thing that I occurred to me instead of realizing that the most important part of the text was that the PET scan...that was the next hurdle.

There you have it...

I think we all can see by now that I’m the wrong person to say anything of significance to. If you need me to be strong for you, I cannot. If you need me to be “grounded” for you, I cannot.

What can I do?

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whatkindofpersondoiwanttobe · 8 years ago

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Religious background...according to me

First off, as a warning, I’m going to have several posts devoted to religion. Even though I am an Atheist now, religion has been a huge part of life and it continues to be so since my entire family is still religious. End of disclaimer. :)

I was raised in a town of about 20,000 people in Oklahoma and my family resided “in the country” outside of the city limits. I graduated high school with 34 other students. My father graduated from the same school 25 years before me as the school’s quarterback for its first football (American football) team.

The town was dominated by Christian churches of multiple denominations. To this day, I do not think there is a single non-Christian religious temple existing in the town. I actually just did a quick google search: 0 Synagogues, 0 Hindu Temples, 0 Buddhist Temples, 1 Mormon Church and 1 Jehovah’s Witness Place of Worship and 65+ Christian Churches. I was raised Southern Baptist.

Highlights:

Sabbath was on Sunday (not Saturday) (this is common among Christians unless you’re a Seventh-day Adventist to my knowledge)

Church...Every...Single...Sunday

Baptism was not the sprinkling of water or merely vows; it was full submersion in a pool of water...in my case it wasn’t in a pond or river, but in a man-made pool that was positioned above the pulpit

No dancing (though my family wasn’t strict on this at all because we all LOVE to dance!)

You must dress up for church (dresses for girls, clean shirt and pants for boys)

The King James version of the Bible was studied; both Old and New Testament Books

“Sunday School” existed, which was where adults and kids alike went to specialized classes before “Big Church” (traditional preacher/congregation assembly)

My favorite memories from church:

* Skipping Church!

Honestly, there was more of a social element behind this rather than a disagreement with church doctrine itself. The church we went to at the time was attended by kids that went to the main schools of the town. We went to a rural school, so we didn’t go to school with these kids. We would arrive in time for “Sunday School” and we would all (my parents and us kids) walk into separate buildings. As soon as our parents were out of view, we would exit the building and go sit in the car for an hour to listen to music until it was time for “Big Church”.

* Bible School (Believe it or not)!

For Bible School other kids came to church that (like me) didn’t necessarily go to the “main” schools with the other kids; socially, this was good for me. Also, and I didn’t realize this at the time, it was the only time that the church was diverse (had non-white attendance in my case). My favorite story that my mom tells about during this time is when I came home from Bible School and told her that I wanted to be black! :) The town I lived in was 90% white at the time (82% white today). [WARNING: I’m about to say something potentially offensive, but for the sake of transparency and honesty I’m saying it.] I told my mom I wanted to be black because I liked their skin. I know it may sound horrible, but it happened. What I hope is that you see a little white girl that didn’t understand prejudice yet, but acknowledged difference and embraced it.

My least favorite memories from church:

* Social Anxiety

Acceptance into the “herd” is a natural urge I think and I certainly felt like an outsider from the onset because all of these kids went to school together and I did not. I also realized my “difference” as I came into my adolescence and this furthered the disconnect with my peers...

* Tribes

I will NEVER FORGET THIS! I wish I remembered the exact Bible verse that was used as rationale for this argument. I mean DAMN! Throughout history and today, religions (both Abrahamic and non-Abrahamic religions) have been used to justify prejudice, racism and discrimination...and this is my personal example of it. My Sunday School teacher (a white woman) described how she had a close relationship with a black man. As she spoke, she truly believed that she was not being prejudiced or racist. My “teacher” told us that she could never be in a relationship with this man, even though she cared for him deeply, because he was “outside of her tribe”, citing a Bible verse as justification!

* Homophobia

Same “teacher” above, that had an issue with “tribes”, also had an issue with homosexuals. By seventh grade, I started realizing I was gay, but had not fully come to terms with it yet. I wasn’t “out” or anything (I didn’t come out until I moved away), but I was certainly aware. I had my first homosexual experience in eighth grade and this particular Sunday School class occurred around the same time. Then and even now, fear sparks a physical reaction in me; I feel needles on my arms. This happens to me when there’s a close call driving down the highway and it happened to me that day in this class. My “teacher” said, “What would you say to a person that was struggling with being gay?” The room erupted in laughter and banter. Then she got serious, “There may be a gay person in this room.” Needles! I thought she knew somehow! “What would you say to them?” I wish I remembered the responses, but I don’t. I went into survival mode at that point and tried to “blend in”. I remember some dialogue around the topic...some back and forth...but I was focused on looking unemotional...trying to look like everyone else. Another moment I will never forget.

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