Chapter one
I was out of breath after ten minutes. After fifteen, I wanted to die and avoid the humiliation at the end. But as much as  I wanted to vanish from the surface of the earth, I knew that there was absolutely no rescue for me. Some people had already passed me by while I was fighting for my breath. I was wondering how the hell is it possible for them to talk while running. Witchcraft! I was nearly dead.
Just to point it out â itâs not like there were some athletic kids at my school. There were regular kids. The athletic one, sure, but also those for who sport was limited to bikes and skateboards. And there were some other people who avoided sport like fire and considered a walk to and from school quite acceptable sport activity. The one of them was me â a bit too skinny boy with embarrassingly long members which made me highly uncoordinated. I still perceived myself as a ânew kidâ, although itâd been two years since I had moved here.
I truly and utterly hated P. E. The only bright side of this situation was the fact that it was the last running test this term. The last one I had to pass in order to enter the last year of this school. Mr. Kenda, apparently to make the running more bearable, had decided to let us run in the park â instead of running in a circle for forty minutes like hamsters. I may have been even grateful, but as far as my opinion goes, the roots and the rocks under my feet caused hazard to my life. When my sight started to get blurred, due to the obvious near heart attack, I caught myself on a root â of course.
So, I was laying there, trying to ignore pain in my knees. It was an early autumn, so the amount of leaves somehow amortized my fall and constituted a nice supplement for a mattress. I wanted to stay there for a little longer. The sun was getting through the almost leafless branches and was warming my back. I might as well stay there for a while.
âYou should work on your coordination, mate.â
The sound of his voice killed all the romanticism of the moment. I tried to get up. The knees were bleeding pretty badly.
He was sitting on some rotten log; close enough to see the path and runners but, at the same time, far enough not to be seen. He was wearing some sweatpants and a hoodie, so he wasnât some random creep, I thought. I was trying to recall his name from the depths of my brain, but it was no use. He must have noticed my inner tournament.
âMatthewâ he pointed his finger at his chest.
âOwâ I replied.
His face made the thing. Itâs difficult to even describe it properly. He seemed offended for a few seconds. So what? Itâs not like it was my responsibility to know each and every guy at school; and if that hurt his feeling it wasnât my problem.
âYou should have this checkedâ he said after a while.
âNo, I should not. I just have to finish this without killing myself.â
He smirked. The perspective of another twenty minutes of running was hellish. I looked at Matthew and then it hit me.
âWhy arenât you running?â
âWellâ he smiled. There was something strange in that smile.
âWell what?â I asked.
He didnât answer. Instead, he was looking at me as if he was looking for something. It made me feel uncomfortable.
âWhat are you staring at?â
âCan you keep a secret?â
âDepends on a secret. Not really keen on criminal matters.â
He smirked again and I felt as if I had passed some sort of a test. Suddenly, he just turned and walked into the forest. I wasnât even sure what he wanted me to do. Should I have followed? Plus â the fact that I wasnât able to put him anywhere close to the mental blue prints of the school made the decision even more complicated.
âWell, you can start running any time, donât mind me.â
So bloody unfair. To choose between running, which I loathed, and the dubious invitation into the forest â tricky.
âI promised you will pass the examâ he was almost invisible among the trees.
âWait!â
So I followed. What else could I have done?
We were walking through the forest for about ten minutes. To tell the truth, I wasnât entirely sure where we were. I didnât ask, though. If I had been stupid enough to follow some dude I didnât even know, it was my own fault. However, when the, I dare to call it âpathâ, started to disappear, I felt a bit unsure. Matthew did not speak. He was way ahead of me and I felt like a small puppy trying to catch up.
âWhere are we going exactly?â I asked finally. The cold air made my skin shiver a bit.
âYou will see.â
And I did. From the place where we had arrived, I was able to see the running route. There were people running and breathing heavily. Nobody saw us, though. We were standing at a cliff from which we were unseen.
âFrom here itâs about 300 meters till the finish line. Far enough to get all sweaty and get the right heartbeat.â
I looked at him with admiration. He was my saviour.
âHow did you know? And how do you know that teacher wonât noticed?â
âHe is sitting in his small portable chair, reading football magazines. Heâs never run with the students. Believe me. He wonât notice anything. Iâm not even sure, if he notice somebody missing, to be honest.â
Two girls passed our hideout half running half walking. My knee were in a mess and soared like hell.
âThey will heal soonâ he said following my look.
âI know. Iâm used to having wounds on me.â
He stirred suddenly and looked at me with his eyes reduced to tiny cracks.
âWhat?â I asked.
âNothingâ he replied with defensive arms movement but in his voice was no defensiveness whatsoever.
âWhat are⊠Oh, are you crazy!? I am not hurting myself! I meant that Iâm a bit uncoordinated , as you already noticed.â
âOw.â
He didnât say anything else but took out a hair pin from the pocket of his sweatpants, twisted his hair, which I didnât believed was long enough to be twisted, and pined it up. He disappeared a few minutes later.
I followed, trying not to fall down from the cliff. After several, ungraceful jumps, I was back on the track ready to finish the run.
When I appeared from behind the last turn, I saw the teacher and a few students who were sitting on the ground resting. I didnât have to fake to be tired. I was tired, sweaty, and close to cry.
âSam!â the voice of the teacher priced the air. I hold my breath. Matthew was long gone.
âYes?â I replied cursing in my head.
âYou are bleeding. What happened?â
âNoting, justâŠâ
âOh son, one day, you will not come back from the runâ he smiled. âGo see the nurse.â
People were starting to stare. I hated when they stare.
âSam! Nurse now!â
âYes.â
I moved relieved.
âSam! Wait!â the teacher's voice stopped my in place.
âShitâ I muttered.
I turned with my best poker face.
âYes?â
Play it cool, kid. Just play it cool.
âTake her with you.â
The girl was standing next to the teacher half-bended. I couldnât see her face as her dark curls covered it.
âJust make sure she gets there. I have to wait for others. Allison, are you OK with that?â
Mr. Kenda smiled again but with less brightness. I realized that he was old. Old and tired. It was the look my mother sometimes had on her face when she went back from work. In those moments she seemed to be even smaller that she really was. It always made me uneasy for some reason.
âYes, yesâ the voice from among the hair replied.
Allison was walking next to me in silence. From time to time, I heard some noises coming from within the curls. The school wasnât far away but we still had to go through the park and cross the main road. The path was full of yellow and red leaves. It was  beautiful.
The sweat on my body started to cool me down. I felt shivers again. I dreamt about my bed and a shower. The day had been too long for me already.
âShitâŠâ the voice came from my companion. âYou got to be kidding me!â she stopped and started to breath loudly. âFuck! Go away, go awayâŠâ
I wasnât sure if she meant me or not. Just in case, I moved away a little bit.
âShould I goâŠâ I stuttered. âMaybe call somebodyâŠâ she got me scared.
She raised her head and I saw her face, dark skin with surprisingly large numbers of freckles on her nose and cheeks.
âNo, no. Just wait a minute. It will be gone soon.â
âWhatâs wrong?â I asked.
âWhat do you think?â she answered still keeping her palms against her belly.
She didnât seem angry, just amused â if she could even feel amused while being in pain.
âLetâs just pretend I didnât askâ I murmured.
âYou should have taken some drugs.â
Matthew appeared from nowhere. His hair was still pined up. He was looking at Allison with concern.
âNo shit, Sherlock!â she answered and moved towards the school. âI canât take them just in case. They are too strong. Common, move. The faster we go the faster I will get my magic dust.â
âI have heard that physical exercises help to reduce the muscle tension and painâ I looked at Matthew with my eyes wide open. Not only did he appeared from nowhere but also he joined the conversation about female days as if he was an expert on it. I did not talk about female days, I did not talk about anything that was even slightly connected with intimate topics as I knew my face turned red then. It was extremely embarrassing. I got the redness from my father although he had his beard and long hair to hide, I had nothing to protect myself.
âI bet it was some guyâ she answered stopping my steam of thoughts âwho made that up to justify why women at their periods shouldnât avoid their household duties. Fucking assholes.â Ow yes, she was pissed now.
âWell that was what I have heardâ he said almost merrily.
I was listening to their conversation not having the slightest need to join in.
âSo you have heard wrongâ she barked.
I think in that moment, she would have bitten him if he had been close enough.
âIâve also heard that a hot water bottle helps a lotâŠâ
I wished I had been at school, in the locker room. Safe and alone.
âIt does, when you have at least twenty minutes to lie down with it.â
I saw him smiling. He seamed to be impressed with her. A small fluffy thing cringed in my chest. The shock it gave me made me look at me chest with pure amazement. What was that?
âOw look! We are here!â he exclaimed a bit too loudly.
âHallelujah!â she sighted. âAre you coming, Sam?â she asked using my name for the first time.
I looked at my knees. It was simply ridiculous. My legs, apart from being too long and skinny, were covered with numerous scars. And I didnât even do sportâŠ
âIâm comingâŠâ I sighed.
We ended up in the informatory. Matthew disappeared as gracefully as before. Allison got her magic dust and after several minutes she seemed more relaxed, although her skin was still pale. The nurse cleaned my knees â I was trying not to make a sound.
âDonât let it get wet todayâ the nurse said. âAnd donât cover it with anything. Let it breath.â
âO.K.â
Let is breath.
I glanced at Allison still sitting in the room. She was looking out of the window with unfocused eyes. She smiled suddenly as if remembering something and then the smile was gone replaced with frown brows. I looked again at my chest. It was empty. Nothing was there any more. No strange feeling. I frown.
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Prologue
When I was a child, my parents used to let me go out to play wearing a helmet. I didn't  think it was strange at the beginning. I was about six years old and wearing a shining, silver helmet made me a local attraction. I didn't mind that at all. During games I usually played an alien or some sort of police officer from special ops. However the older I got the less cool the whole thing was. From an attraction, I turned into that strange kid. After a while kids were just passing me by with that look on their faces. One day, I just had had enough and refused to wear my helmet which was not so shiny any more. I was surprised how easy it was to get rid of it and at the same time how difficult it was to go back into the structure created by the kids in our neighbourhood. I never really came back there. Not really. The helmet was used for safety reasons, of course. My parents weren't abusive types. More overprotective, to be perfectly honest.
It all started when I was about four and my parents still had the faith in my socialising abilities. They, poor creatures, took me to a playground. After 10 minutes when I was back with my knees bleeding, I became a family anecdote. The second time it happened I got the nickname âclumsy puppyâ which may have seemed adorable at the time. Plus I got numerous kisses from my aunt who was single at the time and spend astronomical amount of time in our home. I loved those days. The third time I was injured my family called the meeting. My mum was adamant with her âHe is just a kid. It's normal.â My dad supported her silently, although my plastered arm brought his attention to my person over and over again. I must have been present to all family meetings, come to think of it, even before I was born. My grandma, who was still alive then, gave ma a bonbon and said that none of her children, and she had five, hurt themselves as often as I'd done in the past few months. My aunt was just messing with my hair all the time. So after my fourth accident my parents took me to a specialist to check my reflex and other things hidden in my head. The visit is a vague memory but I recall the moment when we came back home. My dad sighted the moment we crossed the threshold and said: âwell we can keep him in a safety bubble.â I froze with that image in my head: me as a guinea pig running around home, bumping into things. My mum looked at my scared face.
âWe can think about it... I am sure we can come up with something else than our son being a rodent into a plastic bubble.â
My dad just rose his eyebrows. And that is the story of how I ended up with a helmet on my head, protections on my joints and the only friend who didn't leave me after the alien costume had turned out to be just an embarrassing necessity. When I turned seven and started school the helmet was replaced with the caution look of my teacher, Miss P.
The idle of being an outcast along with my friend lasted long. Long enough for us to be a fixed presence in the society we lived in. But everything that is good, or at least safe, must come to an end. And that is how, at the age of thirteen, I had to move. We had to move. We left my aunt, my grandma, my friend. I left  a part of myself there. The confident part of me. The part I wanted to be attached to forever to always feel needed and wanted. But I was thirteen, my mum got a new job, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I think at that moment I started to leave parts of myself in different places, in different people. I started to shrink.
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