whenbluebirdcries
Irish Hernandez
sentimental x psycho x wrecked
178 posts
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Dear you,
Yes, I hurt you. Or did I? Or you just got triggered about it? Did it ever crossed to your mind that you have hurt me too? When you are throwing those words to me, were you even thinking how much hurt would it cause me? Probably not. But in case you have thought about it, why did you do it anyway? I love you. I have shown you how much I love you. I've been there when you are down. I've been there when you were suffering from all the problems that I am proud that you have overcome.
I have been very patient about this 'situationship'. I have told you a lot of times how traumatized I am from my previous relationship. I told you how much trust issues it caused me. Was it really that hard to validate all the things that I have done to trigger you? Was it really that hard to understand where I am coming from? Ganon ba talaga kahirap? You could have made it clear. You could have told me those things the moment you have a hint that I know about those things already. But you didnt do anything. You just let me discover them. And it is really a valid reaction. And it is a big deal for me. All of them. And then what you did? You told me I am a very toxic person. YOU EVEN LET YOUR FRIEND DISRESPECT ME LIKE I AM AN ASSHOLE THAT NEVER DID GOOD FOR THEM! LIKE I WAS NOTHING!
I dont want to cry anymore. And I dont know how long would it take to make this feelings go away.
Hail the toxic one,
Ish
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Dear Universe,
Thank you for sending this person. He is the only one left. He is the best friend. I don’t think I was able to survive these dark times if he wasn’t there. Please bless him. He deserves the best.
PS: I think he is getting sick of my dramas. Please give him patience.
Blindly Yours,
Ish
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Dear Universe,
I am writing this letter with a heavy shoulder and my eyes is somehow tired. I’m feeling hopeless and tired. I am empty.. oh so empty.. I have no one. I mean there is no support. I am not getting any support from my family of from my friends and from my special someone (yep he is special to me but I don’t think it is reciprocated in any way). I am not being dramatic. I am too tired of being dramatic. I just don’t see the end of this suffering. I have been here a lot but this time, I just want to give up to everything. I can not sleep well at night, I barely sleep these past few weeks. Yes, though my brain and intellect is not that good, I have been thinking a lot. I overthink a lot.
I want to believe that I am a good person, some people can testify to that. I never put someone in to this kind of suffering. I am a very loving person. My friends love me ( I’d like to think they do). I will never hurt someone intentionally not unless they hurt me first because you know.. bitch I am a Scorpio. But the point here is that I am never a bad person by nature and I don’t think I deserve this suffering. I know some of them.. no.. most of them are the products of my not-so-wise decisions from the past but do I really need to learn my lesson the hard way? I am no one.. I have no one please go easy on me.
I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, just like what the pink-haired tarot reader from the TikTok said but while I am still in this suffering.. while I am still in this mess. I want you to make me strong. Strong enough to hold on for one more day. One more try. One more morning. One more waking up. There are days that I wish I was dead but these pain.. these loneliness.. these heartbreaks make me feel alive. These are proofs that I am still alive and I am still kickin’. I am not here to question my existence nor my purpose. I am here and while I am in a pursuit of figuring things out.. pursuit of getting the reasons why I am still here, I want you to not fail me of reminding to never give up and never surrender. You know what happened last 11th of March. You know how I almost took my life using the “magic pill”. I can still vividly remember that night. I was just finishing my last stick of cigarette and was ready to take the pill. But Inay called. She called me and asked me why I am still awake. I know it was you trying to save me. I know I am strong but not everyday is the same.
I don’t want to surrender anytime soon but please give me courage to try once more and to believe once more.
Blindly Yours,
Ish
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now when I think of Unisan or just simply the ‘beach’, I will be thinking of you. something on that night you made me feel something. you make me feel special. you have no idea how hard it is for me to trust and to love again. i didn’t plan of falling to anyone so soon but you made it very easy. i just miss you, a lot. i know we’ve been having a hard time communicating with each other but i am still waiting for you to hit me up.
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