wheneverythingmatters

[wheneverythingmatters]

I wish I had been that person that could just leave everything and everyone behind. But sadly, that was not me. That had never been me and would never be me.

MK Ireland #240 : always the one left behind

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The only true friend..

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“I’m learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.”

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Isak Valtersen and Even Bech Næsheim - Black and White

[wheneverythingmatters]

When it hits

...

Where do I start? hmm 

I’m having another episode, where I utterly feel like shit, no one can really help me deal with it and I’m tired of explaining what it is but I guess Ill type it out right now. It’s different from when I was younger. Usually it was triggered when my mom starts talking about something or if I feel insecure and hate my outer appearance or I just feel sad about my life atleast it had a reason. 

Now, its caused by nothing. It hits randomly. I have been having an episode for 3 hours now and I dont know how to stop it. I dont know what it is, sadness? depression? I dont even wanna name it because whatever its called I feel like I’m purposely feeding it what it wants. Ive longed consider if Im depressed but I feel like I’m making myself depressed even more(if iam depressed). what i mean by that is Ive looked up its symptoms and most of them I ve experienced. I keep checking depression tests online(I took a lot)and thats the only test Id get high on. sometimes when Im doing something im reminded of how its a symptom of depression and then I just keep doing it. I really dont know anymore. My family isnt helping. I feel like everyones got a mental illness of their own, they have their own shit to tend to. one of my cousin might be depressed too, im always around her and i feel like she cant help too and we’re really not helping each other 

what it feels like

I cant do anything because of it, Its so disturbing, of course im trying to do things but i just can focus on it. from time to time my head hurts because of it(?) Idfk. I feel weak, i loss appetite, i just wanna lie down and I certainly dont wanna talk or see people too. 

That’s why

Its hard to tell people because whenever I get hit with an episode whenever it ends I feel like Im just over reacting and I don’t wanna be judged by it either so I choose to just keep it to myself. 

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Troye Sivan for SMYTH

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Kurt Cobain sleeping and cuddling his guitar Photographed by Tracy Marander

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she lays down // the 1975

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“You had to be willing to fight in order for a love story to last a lifetime.

Cristina Marrero, The Unsung Love Story

Book Geek Quote

(via bookgeekconfessions)

[wheneverythingmatters]

everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always.

[wheneverythingmatters]

This Must Be My Dream // The 1975