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whimsical-kitty2 · 7 days ago

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Suppressed Desire

Childhood friends to lovers series with Count Alexei Vronsky

Chapter 3

Word Count: 2.8 k

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After waiting at the guest bedroom until approximately three hours, you both agree you should come out soon. Your skirt has dried in places, and you hope that its moisture isn't too noticeable to others at first glance. Alexei's vest and suit jacket, on the other hand, are still pretty much soaked, and so he decides he will leave the ball altogether. He requests that you inform his mother, Countess Vronskaya, that he has received a letter and has headed out on an urgent business. He tells you that he will come up with the details later, and you aren't obligated to lie anymore to the woman, as he will handle the situation himself. What he also wishes, however, is that you invite your new suitor, Emil Andreevich, for one afternoon at your manor so that he may get to know him better. You are pleased that Alexei is actually interested in familiarizing himself with your suitors, especially now that you've taken a liking to this last one.

Upon returning, you manage to excuse your absence in front of your parents, playing it off by explaining that you were simply at the far off pastry table, or that you were by the balcony and observing the rain while Alexei was having a smoke.

You complete Alexei's former request and move onto the latter, looking for Emil. When you spot him, he's sharing a glass of champagne when his friends. He glances at you and immediately separates from his group.

"Hey there!" He smiles brightly at you. "I see you've managed to shake off that..." pest, he means, but manages to pause in time. "... That gentleman. He looks rather familiar. Is he not the famed Count Vronsky?"

"Yes, he is!" You grin as you step toward him. "I am terribly sorry for his behavior! That was uncharacteristically rude of him! He's actually a childhood friend of mine, my best friend, to be exact."

"Is that so?" He tilts his head to the side and cocks an eyebrow.

"Yes, and sometimes he can be a bit protective of me, especially with people he has never met. But I assure you, he means no harm!"

"Oh, sure!" He chuckles, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning toward you.

"I'm serious!"

"And how did he end up leaving you all alone here?"

"He was called on an urgent business and left immediately. That's why I'm here to pass on his sincerest apologies."

"How considerate of him!" Emil can't help but feel skeptical, as he can already sense what kind of dynamic you and Alexei share.

"He actually wants to get to know you... Perhaps have a drink or a smoke together?"

"Oh? He does?"

"Yes! And it would highly please me if you obliged me and accepted my invitation for afternoon tea at my manor. Count Vronsky will be present."

"It would be an honor to get acquainted with such a pristine cavalry officer and aristocrat." He says, but you fail to notice the subtle way in which his eyes narrow briefly.

"Does this Saturday's afternoon work for you?"

"I can be there whenever you desire."

He bows down and takes your hand to place a gentle kiss on its back.

"Thank you for your invitation! Truly!"

The next few days feel more mundane than usual to you. Perhaps that's because you are in a state of constant anticipation. And you are. Now your most sacred wish has become to see Alexei and your suitor get along splendidly, as you are almost entirely convinced that Emil is your husband to-be. You ride the wave of excitement his sudden appearance in your life has brought you, and you can barely do anything else than fantasize about the prospects lying ahead. Whenever you make an attempt to sit down and read or paint, you are unable to focus, too preoccupied with daydreaming about how lovely it would be for Alexei to find Emil agreeable. Perhaps he could be his best man at your future wedding? And then the godfather of your future children? You kick your feet back while coming up with all these delightful scenarios.

Saturday arrives at last. Your mother was visiting a friend of hers, while your father was away for business, so you were left alone in the manor. Right now, you're sitting on a soft couch in your spacious drawing room. Alexei had made sure to come by earlier so that he could indulge in your company before Emil was to arrive. Now he was positioned beside you, with his legs crossed and with his right arm stretched out behind you. He wasn't touching you, but it was clear his gesture was protective in its nature. Between the sititng furniture stands a table, and atop it - a tea set. The finest porcelain from your dear mother's collection has been neatly placed by a housemaid. The beautiful set is white, each piece adorned with delicate hand-painted flowers, created by a skilled craftsman and imported from China. Inside has been poured hot black tea, similarly brought from Asia.

Your suitor had arrived a while ago and was sitting on the opposite couch. He tried to hide his displeasure from seeing Alexei in such short proximity to you, but he would often glance at him with cold gaze, which your best friend would also return. They were subtle enough to hide their mutual loathing from you, and so you did not notice the tension between them. They would always regard you with a grin, and if you looked at them, they would also turn to each other with forced polite smiles.

"So Emil Andreevich," Alexei began, "you mentioned you were an officer?"

"Indeed. Infantry officer."

Alexei's eyes scan over the features of the man that sits before him. It almost sickens him how many things he shares in common with him. His eyes, his mustache, his height, his career, and perhaps even his sense of humor. The conversation so far could be considered smooth if it weren't for the unspoken aggravation between both men. Perhaps Alexei and Emil could have been friends in another lifetime in a timeline in which you aren't present in their lives. But the former is far from interested in entertaining such a perspective, and therefore, this friendship is impossible.

"My lady, I must compliment you on the tea you've offered," Emil comments after taking a brief sip from the warm liquid.

"Thank you," you smile and watch as he sets the cup down in its petite dish, the sound of fine porcelain clanking.

You finish your own cup, and the blonde man beside you is quick to reach out and refill it. That single action provokes an amused huff from you, much to the dismay of your suitor. His eyes flick to his 'rival', and he leans forward.

"I must say, you look absolutely beautiful today," he compliments you in an attempt to divert your attention toward him. Such casual flirtation in the presence of a third person should be considered inappropriate, but it appears that this isn't a concern of his.

Alexei's fingers trail down the side of your face, and he pushes a stray lock of hair behind your ear. "Just today?" He jests and you chuckle. Emil puts on an awkward smile to avoid displaying a frown of annoyance.

The rest of the afternoon is spent in a similar manner. Your small talk would occasionally transcend into a discussion on different topics of common interest amongst the aristocracy, such as politics.

"Dearest, you must have heard that the Eastern Question has gotten more dire as of late. It is about time that the Ottoman Empire is banished from Europe. Another Russo-Turkish war has been the latest talk among my regiment," Alexei would say.

"Indeed, and negotiations have already begun, as far as I'm aware," Emil would continue.

"Another war? As if our country isn't struggling enough with its economy already!" You'd reply with a furrowed brow, holding your teacup in your hands. "I hope this can be resolved through diplomatic means, though I know this is highly unlikely."

It was as if they would compete to see who knows more and who can impress you first. This doesn't only apply to conversations. Later on, you invited them into your garden for a quick game of croquet. Alexei allowed you to pair up with Emil for the time being while he played against the pair of you on his own. That would only serve to justify his flaunting later on when he managed to win.

"I believe we haven't settled on a proper award for the winner," he remarks with a self-satisfied grin.

"Is that what you want? A reward?" You chuckle at his playfulness before you lean in and peck his cheek. "Would that suffice?"

You smile at him while holding his arm.

Alexei hums as he looks into your eyes, pretending he's thinking about your question. Then he glances at the other man and notices how his mask of indifference has started to crumble, and so he smirks.

"More than enough," he turns toward you again. You raise your eyebrows in surprise at his quick approval.

When the sun starts to set, Emil takes his leave. Alexei, however, feels himself entitled to sticking around, insisting that he can't possibly be as cruel as to leave you all alone. He adds that he would stay until the return of both your parents, which basically means that he'd stay for dinner as well, since your folks are always delighted to have him around and are polite enough to invite him to join you. The two of you go back to sit in the drawing room.

"So... You have found yourself quite the gentleman!" He exclaims.

"Alyousha, do you like him?" You feel excited, thinking you would finally 'receive his blessing'."

"Like is a strong word."

"It really is not."

"He is certainly educated and well-mannered."

"He is so much more."

"So much, you say..." He hums and gazes at the carpet. With a sigh, he turns back toward you, "I find him too perfect of a candidate."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I don't trust that he is completely truthful. I think that he is playing the role of a perfect gentleman in order to win your affections."

"Alexei, that's an unfair assumption!"

"Oh, but my sweetest, he will lay down the front that he puts up the moment he has obtained you. I doubt he would be as gallant of a husband as you had hoped."

"Must you be so cynical?"

"I only have your well-being in mind. Besides, as a man, I can notice something that you are unable to."

"Is that it now?" You furrow your eyebrows at him, "And what, pray tell, am I missing?"

"That he isn't too fond of my person," he opts to be blunt with you.

Your eyes widen ever so slightly at this revelation, "How could you be so sure? I was under the impression that our conversation had been going swimmingly."

"It certainly was simple to maintain, however, I suppose you must be blind to his unspoken attitude toward me."

"I don't understand you," you mumble, although you're able to predict Alexei's explanation. You found yourself in denial any time you were a witness to the slightest slip up between both men, outright refusing to believe that they would be as cruel as to imitate a friendship for your sake. You develop a saddened expression and unconsciously tilt your head down while still maintaining eye contact with your companion.

Alexei pities you, as he can read the disappointment on your face, "I am sorry, my dear."

"But you... I take it there's a mutual distaste between you..?"

"There is."

"What don't you like about him?"

He lets out a heavy sigh.

"Alexei..?"

He takes a few more seconds to conjure up a reply that would not give away the sincere emotions he feels toward you. "Since it is so uncomplicated for him to mask his irritation with me now, think of how many other things he could hide from you in the future if you were to pursue him."

"Isn't that the same action you have taken?"

"I was genuinely curious to know him from the beginning."

"But you weren't exactly open-minded when you finally got acquainted, were you?"

"I was not. But I have been polite enough not to cause a scene, and I believe that if he deserved my admiration, he would have earned it despite my prior inclinations."

"You hold him to a higher standard."

"Shouldn't that be the case? You wish to have an ideal husband, do you not?"

"I do," you utter, finding no further words of protest within yourself.

"Then you shall not question the metrics by which I judge him."

Your breath hitches at his harsh words.

"Pardon my outburst," he looks down, unhappy with himself.

He hunches over, placing his elbows above his knees, and he leans his head against the palms of his hands. His fingers wipe away at his skin - a demonstration of his frustrations. You sit back and stare at him in contemplation. It is clear as day that he is hiding something from you, and you feel uneasy simply by acknowledging that fact. You decide not to press further, as the topic of your suitor has been in the center of your recent arguments, and you do not wish to cause Alexei any more unnecessary vexation.

After dinner, Alexei leaves your estate. You prepare for bed, get inside, but find it difficult to fall into slumber. Your head is filled with thoughts of what you could have said differently, on what you should do next. The situation has gotten too complicated, and you struggle with navigating it. You continuously roll from one side of the bed to another, seeking to find a comfortable space to sleep. Instead, you feel as though your mattress is bumpy, your pillow is too hard, the blankets are suffocating you, and the air in your chambers is stuffy, and by God, can't the stupid clock just stop ticking! You kick your covers off in frustration and jump out of the bed. Afterward, you step barefoot outside onto the balcony, and sense as the cool wind of the dark night engulfs your body. Staring out into the distance, you can't help but recall once more your fondest childhood memories. Usually, that brings you solace. And what idylls they appear to you as!

What is it that you want? For those days to be back. Perhaps. That, however, is not a possibility. You must move on.

Are you happy? Yes, but at the same time, no. You have everything you could ever need. You live carefree. But your mind is plagued from troubling worries. Worries of the future. Your future. A husband. A family. Is that not what is expected? Is that not what you desire? Conformity. Simplicity. Placidity. No, not placidity, that's boring. But so is simplicity and conformity.

What do you truly desire?

Love? Of course!

Passion? Of course!

Intimacy? Of course!

From whom?

Your thoughts pause, and for a moment or so, your mind is completely blank. No words, just silence, white noise. You close your eyes, and you see him. Who is he? Alexei or your suitor? The man imprinted on your eyelids appears awfully similar to both, as if it is a merge between them.

You go back inside your room and light a candle on your desk. After opening a drawer, you take out a small notebook you use for journaling purposes. You stare at the blank page before pressing the tip of your pen to it. That is all you do. A dot. You remain in the process of sorting out your thoughts. Soon enough, however, you begin, and from there on, they spill onto the page.

You wake up the following morning with ink stains on your hands and on the sleeves of your nightgown. Later during the day, you receive a sumptuous bouquet of pink lillies alongside a letter. You turn the envelope in your hand and read the signature on the back: Emil Andreevich Rostov. An excerpt from the writing inside is an invitation to a picnic:

'If you are not occupied the following Sunday, it will be an honor to invite you to a picnic. I shall send for you my carriage, so that we can travel after church. I do not wish to oblige you with writing back. Simply give your answer to my messenger.'

#aaron taylor johnson #alexei vronsky #alexei vronsky x reader #alexei vronsky x you #anna karenina #atj #atj x reader #count alexei vronsky #count vronsky #vronsky x reader

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whimsical-kitty2 · 26 days ago

Text

Suppressed Desire

Childhood friends to lovers series with Count Alexei Vronsky

Chapter 2

Word Count: 4.2k

Previous Chapter ☆ Next Chapter

Frou Frou trots down the familiar trail in the forest. You were constantly turning your head around because the moment you 'escaped' the confines of the manor with Alexei, uneasiness began to creep up on you. What if somebody saw you from afar and you didn't notice? What if that somebody recognized you and alarmed your parents of your disappearance? What if that distant noise isn't the shuffling of leaves from the wind but the hooves of your father's stallion?

Alexei can't help but chuckle at your worry, as he thinks of it unfounded. He allows his left hand to abandon its grip on the reigns so that he can use it to caress your arm in a reassuring manner.

"It's alright, it's alright. We're all alone," he whispers in your ear, and you forget your woes almost instantly.

A new sensation overcomes you instead - the feeling of freedom. It is a fact that this is a temporary state, and you are well-aware that after it's over, you will be forced to conform once more to the tedious expectations of society. Despite that, you couldn't help but feel gratitude toward Alexei's stubborn nature, which more or less forced you to go along with his every whim. You reprimand yourself mentally for admitting that he knows you to such an extent that he can offer you exactly what you desire. You thought of yourself as a strong-willed person, yet you've bent each time he has dared to entice you. So much so that he's completely conscious of his advantage in that regard and is constantly exploiting it - just like he is right now.

You gaze up at the sky, only to be met with disappointment when you realize that the shimmering stars are hiding behind thick clouds. You set your gaze forward toward the dark path in front of you. Since the beginning of your small escapade, there has been an instilled silence between the pair of you. His earlier interjection was an exception to that. You thought it was odd, as Alexei was a rather talkative individual, especially when he found himself in your company. Perhaps he's quiet because he's conjuring up a tactful way to ask you about an otherwise sensitive topic.

"I don't believe I have met this suitor guy of yours," he seems to confirm your suspicions almost immediately.

"It's because he started courting me just a few days after you left the city."

"Oh, really now? You didn't mention him at all in your letters, but I'm quite eager to know just what kind of person he is."

"I must have forgotten."

"Is he that unremarkable, or are you hiding something from me?" He raises an eyebrow, though you can't see that as he remains behind you. His tone, however, is indicative of his lack of seriousness, as his suggestions are served to you in an almost mocking manner.

"It's not that he's unremarkable, it's just that -"

"Oh!" He interrupts, "Have you finally found the one?" He chuckles.

"You didn't let me finish!"

"Go on, I'm listening!"

You scoff. Suddenly, the horse stops at Alexei's command, and he gets off, helping you do so as well. You were about to reply to him, but his sudden action confuses you.

"Frou Frou needs her rest. As you were saying..?"

You clear your throat and continue, "I didn't tell you anything about him because I was afraid you'll try to meddle in my business again."

"Pardon me? When have I ever meddled in your business, as you put it?"

"Every single time I introduce you to a new suitor of mine, you end up critiquing him!"

It was true. Whenever a new man appeared in your life, Alexei would be the next one to hear about it after your parents. But you can't recall a single gentleman he has approved of! He would always insult his style of dress or his personality. He would comment on any habits or past deeds he deems inappropriate. He would constantly remind you that the man you choose to tie the knot with should earn his respect first and foremost, as if Alexei wasn't just your friend but your father! Perhaps his favorite thing to do was to compare himself to your suitors. 'He must be at least equally as good as me or better in [said regard], or else he has no future with you,' he'd remark.

"I just want what's best for you, don't you agree? I can't let you marry these flawed characters that are way out of your league, you understand?" He continues to smile at you benevolently, as if he's not excusing himself but elaborating on a clever point he has made.

You roll your eyes at his tone, "Sure, except I never hear the end of it, and you never have anything positive to say!"

"How is it my fault that the men you attract are undeserving of your presence?"

"I think you're being way too harsh! Besides, I'm the one who'll marry one of them, and therefore it's my decision to make!"

"Of course, of course! But as an outsider, I can give you a realistic description of your suitors without being blinded by love for them!"

"I've never even fallen for any of my suitors! What are you talking about!?"

"You haven't, but you may. It's best if you listened to my advice just in case you didn't notice any rose-tinted glasses blocking your clear vision."

You cross your arms in front of your chest.

"Well, I think you should listen when I tell you to back off."

Silence. His smirk falls from his face, and he stares back at you blankly.

"Your wish is my command," he says after waiting for an eeriely long moment. A hint of coldness is present in his voice.

"Alexei, don't be mad!"

He let out a low bitter laugh at your words and shrugs his shoulders.

"Mad? Please, my darling, I'm anything but!"

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm at this moment."

"But I'm being completely truthful! If you wish to get wed, then do it! Who am I, but your dearest closest friend, to stop you? What do I know, right?" He spits, and you furrow your eyebrows in displeasure.

Just as you are about to reply, the distant sound of thunder echoes, and you shiver.

"Relax, relax! Nothing's going to happen!" He reassures, taking a step toward you.

As if to prove him wrong, the sky rains down on you. At first, a few small droplets land on your clothes. Then their quantity increases, and it becomes clear that soon enough, you'll be caught up in a storm.

"I suppose we must get back early," he huffs before quickly helping you climb onto Frou Frou again. He returns to sit behind you and quickly pulls the reigns of his mare. Of course, if he were alone, he'd allow himself to gallop through the forest and reach his destination in a matter of minutes, but since the two of you are riding together, your journey back cannot be as short.

As the rain gradually intensifies, he takes off his coat and covers your head and upper half of the body to shield you from getting soaked. He pulls the reigns of the horse harder, trying to pick up as much speed as possible, though this proves to be a difficult feat.

You reach the manor in a little less than half an hour, and you sneak into the stables to leave Frou Frou. He helps you down and urges you to keep his coat around you despite it dripping onto the ground. He grabs one of your arms and leads you inside of the mansion with hurried steps. You hold onto your skirt, rising it in a poor attempt to prevent it from getting muddy. You make your way inside, and he leads you down the corridor. Luck appears to be on your side, as all other guests are busying themselves in the ballroom. The mansion is large and spacious, belonging to his cousin Betsy Tverskaya, and to you, as any other unfamiliar house of this stature, it appears as though you are in a maze. He, however, is familiar enough to navigate you toward a guest bedroom in the opposite wing, as far away from all the commotion as possible.

When you finally settle there, the two of you take a few brief moments to catch your breaths. You hold his coat in front of you and go inside the bathroom to wring it over the sink, as it is completely wet. You look at yourself in the mirror - you've managed to return almost fully dry, with the exception of the skirt of your dress. You are soon joined by Alexei, as he also steps inside the bathroom. You gaze at him from head to toe - he's absolutely drenched. His hair, which is usually curly, is dampened and straightened down. He gazes at you and blinks, making the raindrops on his eyelashes trickle down his glistening face.

"You look like hell," you remark before the two of you burst out into a fit of laughter.

"God, I'm so sorry, I had no idea this would happen!" He apologizes through quite giggles, covering his face with the palms of his hands in an exasperated gesture.

"What now? Do you have any clothes to change into?" You enquire as the realization he might catch a cold because of this dawns on you.

"I'm sure there must be some laying around here..." He makes his way over to the large wardrobe in the bedroom and opens it, only to find it stuffed with pillows and dangling hangers with no clothes whatsoever. He clicks his tongue, "Alright! I suppose not!"

You pace around the bedroom while fidgeting with your fingers and trying to think of something to do.

"Here, listen! I'll just walk into the hallway and look for a servant. I'll ask him to bring me a shirt and trousers."

"And when he tells his masters? What then?" Alexei crosses his arms.

"He won't. I'll make sure of it. Do you have money on you? I didn't bring my purse."

Upon your request, he reaches into the soaked pocket of his pants and takes out the spare coins he keeps.

"How much do you need for your bribe?" He smiles, catching onto your intentions.

"I think fifty kopecks would suffice, but give me a ruble just in case."

He hands you two 50-kopeck coins, "Off you go then!" He pats your back and sends you off.

You walk down the long hallways, constantly turning your head from side to side in a paranoid manner. You need not wander for too long, as soon enough you see a maid turn around the corner and walk toward you. As she moves in your direction, she examines you from head to toe and notices the muddy ends of your dress. You open your mouth to speak, but she's quicker:

"My goodness, miss, what happened to you!?"

"I was in the garden with a companion, you see, when the rain suddenly poured down on us. I was actually looking for help."

"Of course, I'll tell my mistress right away and I'll prepare you new clothes!" She exclaims and rushes past you.

"Wait! Don't!" You turn around and stretch an arm out after her.

The girl pauses abruptly and stares at you with a puzzled expression. Her eyebrows furrow, and you can almost see the cogs spinning in her head as she attempts to think of a reason for you to protest.

"I don't wish to bother your mistress! Is it possible for you to prepare a new shirt and trousers for my companion?"

The maid shakes her head, "I'll have to tell her..."

"Please! I don't wish for anybody to find out! I'd be so grateful if you could just assist me! Just plain white shirt and trousers! Perhaps some that your master hasn't worn in a long time or ones that are no longer in vogue..." You ask for the same color attire that Alexei currently has.

"But... Why must this be a secret? My masters would be glad to help -"

"Come here..!" You interject with an urgent whisper, and she steps toward you. You reveal the kopecks to her, and she looks back at you with slight bewilderment. You grasp her wrist and place the coins in her palm before closing it. "Just do me a favor... Please?"

"No one has to know then, miss," she bows deeply.

You point to the room you have occupied and instruct that she should bring the clothes there. And with that, you send her off. Turning back on your heel, you grin almost maniacally at your success. You have never even imagined you would ever resort to bribery, but here you are! It's for the greater good, you swear! Your nimble feet bring you back to the guest bedroom in a matter of seconds.

Alexei had been walking around because he couldn't risk wetting the furniture by sitting down, and because he despised feeling idle and awkward just standing straight in the corner. His head shoots up when you open the door, and his expression is full of glee and hope.

"Well then? You look cheerful, I suppose your twisted schemes have come to fruition?" He greets you with a mocking tone.

"That is a rather unique way to express your gratitude towards me for looking out for you!"

"Mes excuses, ma belle dame!" (My apologies, my fair lady!) He proceeds to drop down on one knee and take your hand in his. He presses an exaggerated open-mouthed kiss against the back of your hand while gazing up at you. You pull your hand back with a laugh.

"Get up, you fool!"

He chuckles as he rises, wrapping his hands around your waist and kissing your cheek fondly.

"Thank you!" He coos.

"I advise you not to wet my dress!"

"Wet your dress? Darling, your skirt is dripping!" He exclaims as he steps back from you.

"It'll dry!"

He almost cackles at you.

"Like hell it will! Why didn't you ask for a spare plain dress?"

"And how exactly would I approach my parents by the end of the ball? Besides, it'll dry quicker if I move around in it than if I lay it down. I'll try to wash the mud off of the ends of my dress."

"Come on then, allow me to assist you."

The two of you enter the bathroom once more, and he aids you in rinsing your attire. After finishing, you lean against the counter and bury your face in your hands with an exasperated sigh.

"This will never dry, and I'm positive my parents have already noticed my absence!"

"Remain calm," He glances at his pocket watch and sees that it's still early, barely 8 pm. "We'll get out as late as possible and will just have to come up with an excuse."

"I'd like to see how you defend my honor," you say in an almost bitter manner as you glare at him. He smiles at you and boops your nose.

A knock on the door almost startled you both, but you sigh, knowing it must be the maid. And, indeed, it is her. You thank her briefly and take the white clothes inside, locking the door of the bedroom. You place them on the bed, but upon turning around toward Alexei, you notice he has already begun stripping. His vest is discarded onto the floor, and he's already working on the buttons of his shirt.

"God, get a room, Alexei!" You immediately look in the other direction.

It's not that you've never seen him bare. Oftentimes, when the two of you were still small children, your parents would bathe you together. But it's not the same! The two of you have grown, and the sight of your naked forms has become something you only share with an intimate partner. So why does he look so composed as he shamelessly reveals himself to you?

"There's nothing to be flustered about!" He argues, "Could you fetch me a towel?"

You go inside the bathroom and find one. When you return, you close your eyes and outstretch your arm toward him to hand him the towel. He laughs.

"Open your eyes, or I'll take it that the sight of my body is an insult to your delicate senses! There's no need to be so shy!" He takes the towel from you and begins to dry himself.

You open your eyes, maintaining your gaze on his face despite the temptation his now-bare chest offers you.

"I'm not shy but respectful toward your privacy."

"Since when does such a concept exist between us?"

You scoff, crossing your arms. He turns his back toward you as he walks back toward the bed. Your eyes drop down to his body almost immediately. You observe the movements of his sculpted muscles as he dries himself off. You can't help but be in awe at him, you jaw slightly hanging open. His skin is wet and glistening until he runs the towel over it. You are quick to look away after that, realizing that you shouldn't feel the way you do.

After Alexei finishes changing his clothes, he dries his hair with the towel. Then, he begins to whistle to himself as he takes a look around the bedroom in search of something to do while locked inside. Giving up, he settles down on an armchair with a small huff and proceeds to stare at you. You bring a second towel and drape it over the seat of the second armchair in the room so that you can sit down without getting it too wet.

"Well... I suppose there is nothing left to do besides 'chit-chat', as the English say. That and, of course..." He doesn't finish his sentence, instead opting to pull out his cigarette case and his lighter. He offers you a smoke, but you decline by raising your hand and shaking your head. He places a lit fag in his mouth and holds it with his pointer and middle finger. His eyes close as he take a deep drag and inhales the smoke.

"Now that I think about it, you've never had one, have you?"

"I have not."

"Aren't you curious?"

"Are you trying to tempt me?"

He laughs and moves to hold the cigarette between the two of you. You stare at the smoking object before looking him in the eyes.

"Just one drag."

He smiles and hands it to you. His sharp gaze is fixed on your lips as they envelop its end, and you puff once. Immediately after doing so, you burst into a fit of coughs and toss the cigarette in the ashtray on the small table between both armchairs. He takes it back and continues to suck on it.

"That's disgusting..!" You huff out.

"I'll have you know this is the finest tobacco in all Russia."

The conversation continues while maintaining the light-hearted nature, which is typical for the two of you. That is until after about an hour of your casual talking, silence instills between you. The air suddenly feels heavy, as your thoughts wander back toward your earlier argument outside that was left unresolved. It appears he's thinking of the exact same thing because he's as forward as usual about it. He sighs:

"I believe I should apologize to you for my earlier behavior. I didn't mean to be so blunt and harsh with you."

You look up at him curiously.

"Thank you."

"You should know, however, that I don't take any of my words back."

"Do you still feel angry with me?"

He doesn't respond for a while, staring at the ground. You don't know what he's thinking, but you guess he may be considering different things he could say to you. Eventually, he lifts his hand from his lap and reaches out to hold yours, which is positioned on the armrest of your armchair. He finally glances at you.

"I could never truly be angry with you. Believe me, I'm just looking out for you. I wish for your future marriage to be a happy and fulfilling one."

"I understand..."

"I can't promise that I'll keep my mouth shut in the future. I care about you too much."

"That's sweet..."

"Do you actually enjoy the company of your most recent suitor?"

"He's... He's alright," you pick your words carefully, but ultimately end up lying about your true feelings.

"You seemed upset when I informed him you were occupied for the evening and left him high and dry."

"I found it impolite."

"Did you not wish to spend your time with me? It has been a month, after all."

"I just... To say I don't long for your company would be a blatant lie. And as much as I look forward to spending most of these events with you, I fear that this might... This might drive my suitors away."

"You find I'm a threat to your potential engagement?"

"Well... I can't pretend I don't see the dirty looks my suitors give you."

"Does that mean that I would have to be out of the picture so that you can marry?" His voice takes on a worried tone.

"No, absolutely not!"

"But you've just said it. Your suitors don't like me."

"Your feelings are mutual."

He lets out a bitter laugh that could perhaps be better described as a scoff.

"If your future husband despises me, I can't imagine he would allow you to see me."

"That's... That's logical... But that means you must start on the right foot with him."

"Are we still talking about that gentleman from earlier?"

You remain silent, and he lets out a brief laugh at that.

"I see."

"It's not set in stone."

"Of course, it isn't! You've barely known him for a month, for Christ's sake!"

"He's different from my other suitors..."

"Is that so?" He stares at you with a mocking smile.

"It is! And I hate that you ruined your first impression on him!"

"Then you should have informed me of his existence before I came back here. Then I would know to treat him like a celebrity."

"Perhaps I should have."

"It's no use lamenting over the past. I'll apologize to him the next time we see each other. What is his name?"

"Emil Andreevich. He's the son of Count Rostov."

"Emil Andreevich, you say?" He chuckles faintly, finding the meaning of this suitor's name ironic. "Very well. And what sets him aside from your other suitors?"

"I genuinely enjoy his company. He's well-read and educated -"

"So is any other aristocrat, my dear!"

"You didn't let me finish!"

"Go on!"

"He's humorous, and he's gallant. Conversations with him are always interesting, and I can confidently say he's a smooth talker."

"I suppose he is, since he managed to smitten you with such ease." He says teasingly, though he can't say he's pleased to hear you fawn over some guy.

"I'm not smitten!"

"Sure, darling," he pauses briefly to think about your description of him before continuing: "Well, I'll have to verify your claims for myself."

"Feel free to do so. He also smokes, so you can offer him a cigarette as an apology for your behavior toward him."

Alexei chuckles again, "What a splendid idea!" He remarks rhetorically. "How does he earn his bread? Or is he reliant on Daddy's money?" He raises his eyebrows at you.

"He's an officer, actually."

"He is? Like myself? It is strange that I had not heard of him until today."

"He was promoted recently, and he is in the infantry."

"Good for him," Alexei hums as he processes the information you're giving. He can't help but feel incredulous, but he can't yet put his finger on the true reason behind it. He recalls the appearance of Emil Andreevich: he was about as tall as him; he sported a similar mustache, as this particular style is quite popular; he too had blue eyes, though his hair was a light shade of brown; his clothing style wasn't as pompous as others he had seen. You mentioned in your description that he was humorous, which would mean you liked that quality in a man. He would also consider himself humorous, as you'd often laugh in his company. Judging by his short interaction with the man, he could guess that he was straightforward and insistent when it came to his interests. His eyebrows raise briefly as he realizes how similar he seems to be to him. Is that why you fancy Emil Andreevich? Because he reminds you of something familiar? Because he reminds you of a certain someone? His head snaps in your direction. "I would like to meet him as soon as possible."

#alexei vronsky x reader #vronsky x reader #anna karenina #count alexei vronsky #count vronsky #alexei vronsky #alexei vronsky x you #aaron taylor johnson #atj x reader #atj

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whimsical-kitty2 · 1 month ago

Text

Suppressed Desire

Childhood friends to lovers series with Count Alexei Vronsky

Chapter 1

Word Count: 3k

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You would always recall the memories of your childhood with a certain fondness. At first glance, there wasn't anything particular or unique and unusual about your youth. You grew up in an average aristocratic family. You had a decent upbringing, but nothing more. Except him - Count Alexei Vronsky. He has been your best friend since the very beginning, and quite frankly, you are unable to recall a time in your life you spent without knowing him. He fills you with great gratitude, since if it hadn't been for him, your youth wouldn't have been as exciting as you saw it. You had other friends, sure, but since your family and his have always been close, he's a person who has barely left your side. Picnics, lunches, dinners, holidays, excursions, family gatherings, you name it! The two of you have always been together, seeing each other grow up through your youngest years, your adolescence, and now, you're entering into adulthood. He's no longer the immature boy you used to sneak out of formal events with. Rather, he's blossomed into a dashing twenty-two-year-old man with a prospering military career. The same goes for you, as you have too transformed from your carefree young self into a twenty-year-old respectable lady. Time has led you two down different paths. You no longer bathe in each other's presence as frequently as you used to. Still, you both maintain the same affections you shared all throughout your lives, despite your time spent apart growing larger and larger.

When his family learned that you, a girl, were born, they were ecstatic at the sheer prospect of their son being married off to the daughter of their closest acquaintances. That said, they never uttered so much as a word in front of either you or him about their intentions. Alexei had never been interested in marrying, and that fact did not change with the passing of time. His parents gave up any efforts in persuading him to tie the knot with somebody in the near future. You, on the other hand, had barely a choice in the matter, and so at each ball you attended, you'd be occupied with your suitors. Those men, despite being gallant and humorous, did not spark much interest in you, and despite your tiresome efforts to focus and be present in each moment you spend with them, you would find that your thoughts always drift back to Alexei. You definitely missed his presence beside you.

The sheen of stars litters the evening sky as the last rays of sunshine disappear and make way for the night to come. You are at yet another ball. You've lost count of how many you have already attended this month. The excitement you experienced in the past when such an event was nearing is a seldom felt sensation nowadays, as the banality of each attendance sets in. Despite that, today's ball is one you looked forward to because you were informed that Count Vronsky was also among the list of guests. As he progressed with his military career, he found himself spending less and less time at social gatherings, or even in his hometown, the capital of the Empire, in general. The last time you recall being alongside him was when his family had been over for dinner a month or so ago.

Right now, you are standing on the side of the ballroom alone. Behind you sits one of the columns that are positioned on the sides. If you were to go in between them, you would be led to the staircase. You wear a dark blue silk dress with puffy sleeves. Your corset hugs your waist tightly, accentuating the features of your body. A delicate pearl necklace laces your neck while white silk gloves cover the skin of your hands all the way to your elbows. Those same hands you hold in front of you, your right pointer finger tapping impatiently against your other hand. Your gaze is wandering around the ballroom, looking for somebody. You don't realize it, but your eyebrows have begun to furrow in frustration.

Thankfully, you had to experience only a few more moments of this dullness that had overcome your being, as soon enough you sense somebody's gentle touch running along your back. Normally, you'd be startled by the unexpected gesture, yet it is soft and familiar enough for you to just sigh and turn around calmly. Alexei's eyes bore into yours with a certain intensity while you feel amused by his behavior. His hand slides off of your back, and he kneels down in front of you, grabbing one of your hands and placing his lips on its back. His gaze is glued to yours as he does so.

"Bonsoir, ma chère. Dis-moi, pourquoi es-tu toute seule? Où sont tes prétendants ?" (Good evening, my dear. Tell me, why are you all alone? Where are your suitors?) He enquires as he rises up again. His French is immaculate and quite telling of his aristocratic upbringing, though you can catch the subtlety of his Russian pronunciation. You grin at his overly polite attitude, which you immediately recognize as sarcasm.

"Ils doivent être en retard." (They must be late.)

He rises to his feet again, "Alors je suppose que je dois assumer le rôle de votre animateur pour cette splendide soirée !" (Then I suppose I must take up the role of your entertainer for this splendid evening!) His exclaim provokes the escaping of a delighted scoff from your lips, as if he was already in that role he spoke of - and indeed he was!

"Alyousha!" You grin as you transition from your earlier ironic politeness to the usual fondness you regarded your companion with. Your arms stretch out and envelop him in your embrace. He chuckles, the sound being low and the air that escaped his mouth being ticklish since he placed his chin on your shoulder and right next to your ear. His own arms would follow your example and wrap themselves around your back. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to switch the verbs used and state that you had your arms wrapped around him and his own enveloping your frame instead. Having grown into a real man, he stood a whole head taller than you, while his physique was fit, courtesy of his active lifestyle in the military and outside of it. So while your arms were placed against his back, his could be more properly described as almost shielding your body. Though you had long gotten used to the sensation of his bigger stature, you can't help but recall fondly your prepubescent years when you were still the taller one between the both of you. At that time, he looked almost scrawny, which is quite the distinction from his current appearance.

"Would it be egotistical of me to assume you were expecting me just a moment ago?" He questions, his words being gently whispered into the shell of your ear.

"Perhaps it would be so, though that does not mean your suspicion is incorrect," you reply once you pull back from him and reluctantly return your arms to your sides for the sake of propriety. He does the same but stares at you with a cocky smirk.

"Well, isn't that endearing?" He remarks rhetorically. Just as he's about to utter something else, he notices your gaze drifting to the side as another man's voice calls out your name. The guy in question is a suitor of yours.

"I have been looking for you all evening, but I suppose you've been busy!" He begins gleefully, though when his gaze briefly settles on Alexei, you could almost sense the disdain hidden behind the mask of a charismatic gentleman he has on. In actuality, he couldn't find you until now because you were purposefully avoiding him and the rest of your suitors. "I wished to ask you to share your first dance of the evening with me, but I assume I am already late on that occasion," he continues while maintaining his friendly grin.

Your mouth hangs open as you prepare to reply to him and explain the situation, but Alexei is quick to forestall you.

"Vous auriez raison," (You would be correct), he switches back to French as he shoots out a quick and formal answer to your suitor instead of you. His blue eyes appear icy as he continues staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to abandon you both once more.

"But I'm sure, my lady, that you can reserve your second dance for me," the suitor turns to you again.

"J'ai peur de lui prendre du temps alors aussi." (I'm afraid I will occupy her time then as well.)

"Vraiment?" (Is that so?) His eyebrows furrow unconsciously as the mask of politeness gets chipped away by the sudden surge of displeasure, caused by Alexei's words.

"En effet," (Indeed) Alexei states as a matter-of-factly.

That cause the gentleman to bow in front of you before wishing you a wonderful evening and walking away. A self-satisfied smile makes its way on the face of your dear friend.

"Alyousha, your interjection was unnecessary. I can speak for myself!" You narrow your eyelids.

"I'm aware of that, dearest. However, I'm also confident that you're pleased to have him off of your back in such a quick and easy manner, no?" He speaks in Russian again, clearly being at ease now that it's just the two of you again.

"You may be right, but that does not excuse your insolent behavior!"

"Insolent is a rather big word to use in such a simple situation. I'd argue that I was respectful enough not to tell him straight that his presence wasn't wanted."

"You call that respectful?"

"It seems our interpretations of words vary! Now, I would much prefer it if you stopped thinking of him and focused on catching up with me instead," he diverts. As if to aid him, the orchestra for the balls begins to play a waltz. He takes the chance to wrap him arm around your waist and pull you toward the dance floor. "Now come along! Your first dance is reserved for me, remember?" He references the earlier situation with his tone being playful.

You have grown accustomed to his behavior by now, and so you push away the irksome feeling and gulp back the bad taste he left you with. He had always been a blunt and arrogant person, and those qualities of his shine through, especially when he feels that his interests may be threatened.

You place your right hand on his shoulder while allowing your left one to be held by him. He sways with you across the ballroom, your movements being practiced and graceful. His eyes never leave yours. It's as if he is trying to make sure you're not actually offended, and you can tell that by the teasing glint his assured gaze holds. He twirls you around, allowing himself to let go of your hand in favor of the tender dance his fingertips begin on your waist. Once back in his firm grasp, you break the silence that had been instilled between the both of you since the beginning of the waltz.

"So... You were absent because of some business involving the military again."

"True."

"Care to share more about your last month then?"

"Were my letters to you not detailed enough? I recall writing you a few pages."

"Surely, a whole month can't be summarized in a few pages."

He laughs.

"I saved for you only the most interesting parts. The technical details would bore you to death."

"I'm sure you'll manage to make it interesting for me. You have a way with words!"

"As much as I'm flattered, I was serious. Not to mention, it would be unbecoming of me to bring up such a topic when I'm conversing with a lady."

You stare at him blankly, and he laughs again.

"In all seriousness though," he continues, "there's only so much I can let on to the public about our country's diplomatic affairs. You, however, haven't been too expressive in your letters to me. May I enquire about your past month?"

"It was uneventful to put it simply. My parents have insisted I attend social gatherings almost every single day. I can't catch a break because they're too worried that I have not taken a liking to any one of my suitors yet, so I've been frequenting the theatres and the opera houses."

"Being a guest to multiple events doesn't sound uneventful," he remarks sarcastically. "I was under the impression you enjoyed watching plays."

"I do, but I can't even spectate in peace without one of my suitors being in my box and talking my ear off through the whole experience!"

"Such poor theatre etiquette!" He chuckles. "I take it you seek excitement?"

"You could put it that way."

The waltz ends almost on que, and the two of you stand in place in the middle of the dance floor motionless. Both of your pairs of hands remain on each other.

"Ditch this silly ball and run away with me," he states blankly. You can't describe that sentence as a suggestion, as it sounded almost commanding. All traces of playfulness leave his expression as his eyes bore into yours.

"Pardon me?"

"Ditch this silly ball and run away with me," he repeats verbatim while sounding even more insistent.

"Are you out of your mind!?" You let go of him and take a step back. He brings his hands in front of himself and holds them there.

"I can't see why you'd oppose. We used to this all the time as kids."

"We're no longer children!"

"Your point is..?" He raises his eyebrows and tilts his head toward you as if to imply that his absurd proposal shouldn't be a shock to you.

"My point is that if our parents catch us, or in fact, anyone for that matter, we'll receive more than a plain scolding!"

"If that's your only concern, my dear, I can assure you that I'll be there to protect your honor."

"I don't find this funny."

"I wasn't joking," he smiles at you cheekily.

You scoff in annoyance.

"Have you any idea what people may think of me when they find out I ran from this ball to be with you!?"

"What's so wrong with me?" He teases.

"You're a-" A man. You were going to say that he was a man. You cut yourself off because despite knowing that your words were true, and that the public would assume only the most indecent of all scenarios, you wouldn't dare imply that an explicitly intimate encounter between you two was a possibility. You found it absurd that something like that would even cross your mind as you were all too familiar with the nature of your relationship with Alexei, and in your head he'd find the thought as equally laughable as you did. Bringing it up aloud would only serve to embarrass you in front of him. Who knows? Perhaps he may take it the wrong way and suppose that you secretly wish to be in such an inappropriate situation with him? You must not give out any hints that could serve to the detriment of your friendship! It's not like you actually view him as anything more than your best friend anyway!

His calculating eyes can practically see the countless thoughts running through your head in those few seconds it takes for him to reply.

"I see your point," he smiles softly.

"Don't take it the wrong way."

"I won't. My offer remains."

"Alyoushinka..."

"What's with the frown? I know you dream of being reminded of the good old days when you and I would abandon the balls our parents dragged us to."

"It's not the same anymore."

"Why can't it be? The only person stopping you is yourself," he continues. His attempts at convincing you are unwavering. "Just think about it. We'll go for a ride in the forest nearby on that favorite trail of yours..."

"But what will they think of me..!?"

"I told you I'd guard your honor in case of a mishap," he moves his hands and holds them behind his back. Your silence points to your contemplation, and he leans toward you. "So? What will it be?"

You stare at him blankly before you sigh and reluctantly agree. "I'll do it, but only because you're my best friend and I trust you, and if this goes wrong, you shall take the blame, so do you get it?" You spit out the words quickly.

"Very well!" He chuckles. He reaches out and offers you his hand. "Shall we then?"

You place your hand in his and allow him to lead you. You step outside and walk down the alley in the manor's garden. After passing by some other guests who are also taking a stroll, he takes a sharp turn and heads toward the stables with you. You both manage to reach them undisturbed by anyone. He finds his mare Frou Frou and sets your hand down as he approaches her. He begins to caress her coat slowly and gently, running his fingers down her muzzle.

"Come. She has missed you..." He coos softly as he presses his forehead against the horse and closes his eyes.

"I doubt she even remembers me in the first place. She's a horse," you move toward her and caress her mane. Frou Frou turns toward you and nickers, signaling she's happy to see you. Alexei shoots you a side glance.

"See?"

You look at his smug smile but ultimately ignore him in favor of hugging her neck.

"She's a cutie," you smile against her. Meanwhile, Alexei goes to fetch her saddle, and he prepares her for a ride.

"She's ready now," he speaks as he tugs you toward him.

You follow his lead and accept his help when climbing up the horse's back. He jumps up and sits behind you with his chest pressed against your back. His hands cage your sides as he grips the reigns. You keep your hold on the horn of the saddle as he drives Frou Frou outside of the stables.

#anna karenina #count alexei vronsky #count vronsky #alexei vronsky #alexei vronsky x reader #vronsky x reader #alexei vronsky x you #aaron taylor johnson #atj #atj x reader

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