online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.
and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.
there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.
i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.
actually, i did want to ask you all - a commonly shared sentiment about character creators in games or dressup games online is there's very frequently a lack of black hairstyles.
so it made me curious - what are some black hairstyles you wish would be included more in character creators/dressup games? or ones you get really happy to see are included?
being trans is so fucking expensive no matter how you identify, epecially if you're dysphoric and pursue social and/or medical transition. name changes. hormones. hormone blockers. surgeries. shaving products. the Pink Tax on everything feminine. makeup. starting your wardrobe over from scratch. finding clothes that don't make you feel like you wanna crawl out of your own skin, but also fit you. prescriptions, vitamins, lotions, surgery recovery supplies, and supplements to assist with medical transition. binding, tucking, and packing supplies. facial/body reconstruction procedures. laser hair removal. hair re/growth medications. breastforms. the list just goes on and on. we have to pay in order to be ourselves in the most extreme ways possible. there's a tax on gender & biological sex.
It feels so weird being around other people who have big enough hoards to show. I mean, pronouns, names and such, not even gender although that too.
It's like, you look at someone who has a set of 10 pronouns and here I am, with only one pronoun and one name. Not to mention how I don't feel like using any neogender or whatnot because they just feel wrong in general.
And it's basically, I have nothing to say about myself. So unfair.
npd possessiveness has me like omg. i MUST have these people. they are so so special and interesting i MUST have them. i can share but they must be MINE as well. mine mine mine mine