whit3monsterultra

[whit3monsterultra]

im gonna weigh myself beginning of may and go from there

i have no idea what my weight is rn and im scared to check so im waiting

in the meantime im using this tracker for april <3 so far ive had 350 cals yesterday and 270 today

[whit3monsterultra]

please god let me hit beans i feel so invalid for doing only styros

if you had told me like 4-5ish months ago that i had hit styro (consistently) and wanted to go deeper i would’ve laughed

[whit3monsterultra]

how did 3 pieces of canteloupe and 2 strawberries make me sickly full

went from starving to stuffed in two seconds

[whit3monsterultra]

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i caved

350 cals td too

[whit3monsterultra]

im 90% sure someone on twitter is tryna groom me rn bye

[whit3monsterultra]

i hate seeing people that i could look like but they’re thin and cis passing and have piercings and cooler hair

genuinely can ruin an entire day

[whit3monsterultra]

i neeeeeed nicotineee

ive been clean a little over a week now? maybe?

i told my bf id quit and even though i didnt promise (pinky promising for us means no exceptions at all, but i just promised to try) i dont know how id tell him if i got ahold of a new vape

but also

idek where to go

so

[whit3monsterultra]

okay maybe a coupleeee wouldnt hurtttt

i wear long sleeves around my parents anyways cause they hate my scars

j nervous they’ll check

theyd fs send me to a ward this time

god fuck

i need new cuts on my arms

i need bigger scars now

[whit3monsterultra]

seriously why am i so fucking huge

im not overweight but i look and feel large for my height

this is all ive been thinking about

i just want to be small

im at my bf’s tonight but as soon as i wake up tmrw morning i am starving and not looking back

i think id be happy if i was underweight

[whit3monsterultra]

sw: 140lbs

cw: 130lbs

gw: 100lbs

lw: 75lbs

[whit3monsterultra]

i think id be happy if i was underweight

[whit3monsterultra]

fell and absolutely ate shit today

my knees hurt like a bitch and im being a big baby over it (ironically) but im obsessed with how they look, especially with my scars

[whit3monsterultra]

god fuck

i need new cuts on my arms

i need bigger scars now

[whit3monsterultra]

sometimes shtwt be making me not want to cut

i get scared tbh

especially when i run into a page thats just actual fucking gore intertwined with styros and then! whoops!! multi swipe to the bone!!!

get out of my faceee

[whit3monsterultra]

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update: my new blades worked very, VERY well

i didnt expect the sharpener blades to work as well as my normal blade but it did and i could not be happier

id rly like to own a double ended blade but for now im just happy to have backup blades that’ll keep me happy for some time

i can no longer lay on my left side

it burns so bad

[whit3monsterultra]

tw: blades

never thought id get to this point

anyways, time to try them out! ive only been using the blade to the far left outside of the container and ive never used pencil sharpener blades

[whit3monsterultra]

okay, i think im gonna start starving again

ill probably give up in a couple days

but i wanna be thin