whiterosewitch

[whiterosewitch]

do i remind you of your old days?

where thrills filled your head all the time

i just realized, coincidentally,

we ate the similar dope when we were younger

i know you didn't cancel your flight only for me

when you told me about it and i asked why

you seemed happy and i was happy too for that

since we could see each other for one more day

we didn't tie any strings and i'm glad for that

yet no strings left on our skins, i'm even more glad for that

eventually, unexpectedly

things went faster than all i can thought of

we're feeding each other ecstasy

flying high to the sky in the middle of the day

hiding ourselves carefully behind the clouds

so we will not bother the thunder

playing with fire under the rain

[whiterosewitch]

winter sounded so good,

she crawled under her blanket

with her messed up mind

and some uncertain wishes

spring came earlier than she thought

she decided to water the dying flowers

no one knew they will grow once more

she buried those winter wishes into the flowerbed

summer was bright enough to made her eyes squint

flowers bloomed more than she thought

but, the tree root was sticking out of the ground

brought the buried wishes up unexpectedly

in the late fall, she hold herself to not fall

leaves on the ground look prettier than ever

18 stars aligned, so do the almost forgotten wishses

she sees it with her own eyes, touches it with her own hands

nostalgic season

[whiterosewitch]

feel the fall

lighter than feather

drizzle, not downpour

walk under the drips

want to fly once more

but don't want to fall

clear water, but you didn't say it clearly

puddle on the road, she couldn't see the reflection

in the blue, both got same illusion

daydream on a cloudy day

she wanted spring after fall

which is a nonexistence

her eyes saw it written in bold

she walked on thin ice religiously

while keeping the warmth of the path

"who we were in the past life?"

she wondered after the weather became nicer

while her mind rode the rollercoaster

crossed path, different directions

bet both wanted more than

a gentle fist to the palm

neurologically theatrical:

"i would if i could tear the wall,

without shattering the bricks."

right time, wrong person

wrong time, right person

an irony sounds like lullaby

𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵

[whiterosewitch]

why do i see you in me?

do you see me in you too?

i guess not, you don't even see me at all.

but, i see you.

saw a drawing on your page,

we have similar hands, i guess?

i wonder about your mind and mine,

do we have similar thoughts too?

i understand since day zero,

i can't be chosen.

i don't want to be chosen anyway.

you should be chosen, though.

you should know,

i support you harder than you know.

too hard i almost lost what i have,

or had, i guess?

since i don't want to just write

about what i had in a history book of mine.

truth is that was a part of my story.

in a certain time, the ecstatic one.

let me tell you, i just cast a spell.

i barely make any movement.

guess what?

it comes to me all of sudden.

to be clear, i don't want yours back.

i don't want all of it, never.

i just want some little parts.

those won't bother you.

the ears to listen.

the mind to think.

the mouth to tell.

also a small portion of time.

that's all.

the rest is all yours.

and should be yours.

so i don't have to write it down in my history book.

tell this to what's yours

[whiterosewitch]

i named my last year playlist 'ecstatic'

i also had a person that taste like ecstasy

i had those euphoric days

getting high all day all night

i needed more doses

i needed my molly

i needed to swallow it all

i wanted to taste it like mango lolly

on january when it was rainy

but the more i wanted

the more i couldn't have it

it was harder and harder

i couldn't even reach it

then i stopped take my ecstasy

i had separation anxiety

rehab was never easy

i felt like i'm losing something

but the truth is i never had it

it was never real

it was never exist

it was never mine

it's de clérambault's

i was only delusional

they said ecstasy caused heart attack

they said the symptoms include tightness or pain in the chest

guess i had it

not the actual heart

but i had it

my head had been in the clouds

then i was free falling from the sky

hit the ground, dumped from above

my mind had gone far away to the galaxy

too far to think clearly that it was only temporary

recalled my old words, forever is a white lie

but this couln't even counted by time

not even a second

because it was never exist

how to count the time that passed by in something that was never exist?

all it was just the ecstasy

no more molly

[whiterosewitch]

this one is

asking for a skyline picture

and i might cry

with skyscrapper surrounding

because i remember

it was the wish

the city and its light

this one was

'i'm all ears' in human form

i cannot forget

those delicate eargasms

now the blend is left behind

it was never just a playlist

and all i can hear is silence

this one was

impulsively pretty, tasty

the unexpected alignment

and heavenly burst of energy

after all, i'm always glad

now it's very healthy

also trustworthy

you should know that every human in my lifetime is unique. no one replaceable. sometimes, it is just about the time alignment of both parts is over. no one replaceable.

[whiterosewitch]

how could i make you the second choice when things between us cannot make you to be the only one? i won't.

it is not that i choose you, never.

it is "i need only you" instead.

it is "i want only you" always, if the possibility is good for us.

i'm starting to get tired of getting to know new people.

i'm starting to get enough of these new people come and go out of nowhere. i know everything is temporary but it's just too fast.

i'm starting to get tired with these temporary people with some memories in my life.

we never know things don't go well and the january dream is just a dream.

maybe i'll see you in the summer, if possible.

maybe things won't work well, deep down i hope it wont.

but until today, after everything i have been through,

definitely, it's you.

and i want a longer temporary since nothing lasts forever.

i want it with you.

january dream

[whiterosewitch]

my logical thinking tells me to not blame anyone when i take any decisons by myself.

but as a female human who have stuff called feeling, sometimes it is 180° from the logic.

my logic can control my feeling, vice versa.

for now, i'm gonna let my feeling control my logic. so,

can u not make me regret my decision?

don't be a dick.

don't be a coward, hiding behind, and leave.

i talk. i tell. i said good bye to important people in my life when i wanna leave.

unless i'm not important. well, guess i'm not.

we used to talk, then now the silence is louder than ever.

face it.

i have to face it, haven't i?

[whiterosewitch]

are we living in the 90s when a lot of things are affected by nature like mails being delivered late because the mailman got caught in the rain or something?

not gonna lie, i need those more-than-4-hours-long talks.

long time no talk.

long time no see.

[whiterosewitch]

"i thought you don't want this."

"no, i thought you're the one who don't want this."

"i want this, i want you. i want to be with you. i want us."

"but you're keep playing things cool, aren't you?"

"so are you."

"yes i am. i just didn't know that you feel the same as i do. i'm not sure."

"so am i, and now you know."

i want you to know // iii, xviii

[whiterosewitch]

"i don't want you to leave."

"no, i don't want you to leave!"

"you, i don't want you to leave."

"i won't. i don't want you to leave."

"okay. i'm staying okay?"

"i don't want you to leave because i'm staying."

i don't want you to leave // iii, xviii

[whiterosewitch]

sometimes you have no words left after talking for hours and all you want to do is just sit beside them, put your head on their shoulder or just lie down together enjoying each other's presence, then silence speaks louder and both of you are immersed in a sense of comfort.

under thick white blanket, you're looking at their eyes then little smile sparks from their soft lips. you hug them tight and your bodies listen to each other's heartbeat. it's sixteen degrees outside but both of you feel warm from each other's body heat. their fingers are stroking your hair gently, you close your eyes until you don't realize that you're falling asleep, and it is the comfiest sleep you've been longing for.

sixteen degrees outside // iii, xviii

[whiterosewitch]

he always say good night

after he said good bye

so i know he won't left me alone next morning

he always listens to me

make sure i am okay

he's always be there for me

even though he's away

how could i don't feel any comfy to him?

how could i resist myself to fall into his lap?

if he's here

but he is not

no, he's not here

we're always too far

sometimes i wonder

how could we feel this close

when the truth is we're so far?

unreachable

your eyes are unreachable

your smile is unreachable

your skin is unreachable

unreachable

your shoulders are unreachble

your hands are unreachable

but you have touched me

𝚞𝚗𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 // more goodness

[whiterosewitch]

mute your messages

hide your name

wish i can forget

try to distract my mind

but i can't help myself

i keep checking my phone

i wish it was you

listen to niki at 3

in my room by myself

vibing to her words

a sudden thought appears

how about playing the blue

and sing it along

on the road at 1 am

while you drive me home?

maybe in the next life

or in another universe

when our skin colors are the same

so do our eye shapes

and there's only one abstract concept of life's guide

nosotros podemos llamar a este amor

i wish that world did exist

not this time // xii, xxvi

[whiterosewitch]

i know, i know

but i'm afraid of mistaking love for lust

it's better to mistake lust for love, i guess

or we're just being comfortable

or we're just want the attention

or it is just some hormones?

because you said we can't be more

and i think just the same

i know, you know

i know you want me to run into you

damn, i want to do so

i want to run but i'm holding myself back

walking slowly, sometimes stopped in the middle

even take some steps back and forth

we know, we're both wondering

what the hell is this and how to handle this shit

between us

are we already in another universe?

in another dimension

out of billion possibilities

why do you come to me again?

why do you still remember me?

why do you miss me?

because, honestly, i do too

are we on the otherside now?

but, why i haven't done yet?

and i'm still in the same timeline

i'm still the same me

i'm not the other version of me

from another dimension

that version of me you can have if you want

oh no, this is just too dangerous for us

we have to be careful

we know we're still want to play along

make sure you fasten your seatbelt

i have already done

don't drive faster

we don't want to crash, right?

oh, in the morning, in a 5c

on a sunny monday

well, it's monday again

damn, i guess my mind goes to far

so do yours, don't you?

monday morning in a 5c // xii, xxvi

[whiterosewitch]

she's playing with fire

yet she won't burn

she's the gasoline

give her a little spark

she'll make you warm

the fire spread through your veins

light up your brain till you go blind

she's the gasoline

you let her in to drive yourself crazy

you drive faster

she asks you to go slower

but you can't help yourself

you're not on a race

but you want to reach the finish line

then, you go elsewhere

thrilled and chilled

and the fuel in you runs out

you better calm yourself down

let your engine cool

later, if you want to drive again

tell her that you need her

you can always ask her

to fill you more, next time

𝑔𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑒 // xii, xxvi

[whiterosewitch]

6 in the morning

didn't work well as it supposed to be

no goodbyes

only cold stares

but i wonder what if we

could start over again

in this world full of possibilities

and all the fun things we missed

just because it is not happening right now

doesn't mean it never will, right?

6 in the morning // iii, xxvi-xxvii