Last Seen Blogs
Text
Confessions of Anon
I do not know why I started this, Nor do I know whether I will ever continue it. But I shall voice my thoughts here, where nobody knows who I am. And if you find this then hello there.
Confession #1
Everyone is a hypocrite. Every single one. Especially you. The thing a king this world is that sometimes, you'll feel lonely. All alone. Like that moment when you have a fight and no one is on your side. Perhaps you are in the wrong, due to various actions, events. And they all look at you, with judging eyes. And even though they say it's for your own good, they are a hypocrite.
So today I had a fight with my Mom, and yes, I admit that I am in the wrong. But she is not completely right either. Though everyone else said so. I light have shoved too hard when I told her to get out of the way, because she nonchalantly walked in front of people who were taking photos. And in reaction she turned back and snapped at me. Like what the hell are you doing. She would seem to say. And later when she was complaining to my Sister, I would hear her say, "even if I was walking in front of the camera, it is my right, for it is the pavement, so I should be allowed to walk. In fact, she (me) should tell the picture takers to fuck off, because it was my right." And to that, everyone else agrees and makes stark comments like" yeah next time just walk in front of them." But everyone is a hypocrite, for when we take take photos on the pavement, and people accidentally walk In front of us, you would get so annoyed, and you would complain about it non stop, and it rings rings rings in my ear. Like a bee, swarming, stinging. And then you tell me I'm selfish for not helping you, well, to me you are the selfish one. For What ever happened to the right they have of walking on the pavement?
And when my family all comes to tell me why I'm wrong, my dad would always bring up the past. Like why are you bringing up the past? This is not 1920, children do not get married off when they are 16. Dad please look at the date. For you are lagging behind. Next, Father tells me morals from the past, quote "no matter what your parents do, they are always right". Basically meaning, that no matter what a parent did, no matter what they said, they are always right. So parents never wrong, parents never wrong. And we as children are not allowed to correct them - hello there Father who is also a murderer, oh you killed somebody? It's fine. I'm your kid, and you are never wrong. So if the parents commit the wrongs, and no one does anything. They teach their children how to be wrong, and no one can stop them. The saying goes like parent like child. Perhaps we are all so shackled down by everything around us that everyone else is always right. And oh, I know, oh I know alright, how no matter what happens, my family will never be on my side. Why? Because parents never wrong.
Mom tells me in a matter of factly way, your Sister never did this, never did that. Well I'm sorry that me and my Sister are 10 years apart, and share nearly nothing in common. Well I'm sorry I'm not my Sister. If you love my Sister so much. Then why do I exist? Just clone her. As many times as you want.
And then, each one of you points out my mistakes, one by one, poking around, making sure to get every single nook and cranny. Taking even the most worthless of things, when there is a brand new mine right beside, full of riches to pick, which you all left untouched. They tell me I'm always picking out their mistakes at every little opportunity. Well oh well, then what do we have here? For everyone is a hypocrite.
I'm sorry that your blind to the surroundings, I'm sorry that you are in a bad mood, even though my mood is just as bad. I'm sorry that your pride is blocking the path, I'm sorry that I wasn't born in the past. I'm sorry that I was born?
But most of all, I'm sorry that when you look into a mirror, all you see is me. I'm sorry that everyone is a hypocrite.
Confession #2
I have no empathy. Now your probably wondering, where has it gone? Here's the answer: I don't know. When your Grandmother dies and your Sister looks over to see that you did not shed a tear. And she asks you in a pained voice. Are you not sad? Why aren't you crying? I ask myself the same. But no tears ever came out. I realised how it didn't matter. For no matter what you do and how you do things, there would always be something wrong. Oh so when you scold me, I cry. Then why am I crying ? I shouldn't be crying. Crying means your weak. Crying means your stupid. Alright then, so I won't cry. And I don't. But people look over and they see the non existent tears. And they say, "wow look, she doesn't even feel bad for what she did", "who she's such a terrible person." Then, what do you want from me. What should I do, is there a third option to choose from? I think not.
So when Father tells me to put myself in mothers shoes and think about why and how she got angry- well I can't. We are not the same person. I do not know what is going on in her head, just like how you do not know what is going on in my head. Just like watching someone litter, to some it might be an act of complete terror, to others, they simply do not care. So what makes you think I would feel the same? Yes, I do not know what it feels like to be 50 but neither do you know what it feels like to be a teenager in the 21st century. Would you like to swap places for a moment? I would gladly try.
So indeed where has my empathy gone? It was washed away by the countless times where you forced me to see in your perspective, but never take the time to look at mine. Trampled over everything i believed was right or wrong. I'm sorry that we just do not see eye to eye. And too bad that you don't even try to understand. And when I try to retaliate, i am just beaten down by everyone else, and at the end they would ask me. Why aren't you saying anything, and proceed to find more faults in my silence. Well that is because, I have nothing to say. Because you killed my emotions. For Funny thing is, even now, if anyone were to read this diary, they would surely start screaming and shouting. And then you tell me that I need more self confidence, when you were the one who killed it in the first place. Like asking someone whether they're okay after stabbing them 3 times. Im sorry, cause I'm not okay.
And really I and also a hypocrite. I wrote this for petty reasons, so people could tell me that perhaps I wasn't so wrong after all. That Nor everything was my fault. But no matter whether you agree or not. Thank you for listening either ways.
Anon
0 notes