oh hey, look, another aspiring musician. that's a rare thing worth paying attention to.
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Projects, Productivity and P-Changing Attitudes (look, I wanted all three to begin with p)
OK, so Itās been nine days. More than a week. That officially means itās time to kiss any sense of schedule or regularity to these posts. Gather up all your journals/planners and throw them out the window and/or into the ocean because weāre operating on free time now. Also Iāve decided Iām going to try making a few shorter posts. Not like one sentence or anything but not everything has got to be 700 words (still not over that). Yes, I know it kind of goes against what I just said about regular posts, as surely if they are shorter there will be more and thus they will be more frequent. You may retrieve your journals/planners from outside/the sea if you wish (and itās safe to do so). But, like, no more promises or goals or whatever.
Also I decided against that lyric idea. Again, it feels too early and too pretentious, and something tells me it will continue to feel like at least one (if not both) of those things indefinitely.Ā
But! This isnāt a post about posts! I said Iām not doing that! Instead, I thought a good, maybe short (no, not really- me from the future) post idea would be to briefly bemoan my lack of a creative process or motivation.
But, like, in brief (oh, you optimist- future me again).
I have several ideas for projects which are each at different stages of development. Actually no, some are at the same stage. Most are at the same stage. TheĀ āoh, yeah, Iām in the process of writing itā stage. My first project is like at least 80% done in terms of writing? Like I have several songs I am happy with and ready to record (although I have yet to actually record yet which I can only make excuses about for so long). Thereās one Iām still finalising writing-wise, and I might look into adding one or two more depending upon if I can fully develop the ideas relating to them and how the pacing works. But that one is going to be absolute minimum the four songs Iāve finished for it plus a fifth thatās almost done.Ā
I also have two ideas for concept albums which Iāll release at a later date. For both of them I have started writing songs, because I had ideas for them and just worked on those. I canāt really commit to just one project- not out of a lack of commitment, but more because in the rare case I get an idea I donāt hate the next day I just want to work on it before I turn against it. That has happened to a couple of songs, which I may revisit and rework at some point but, like, probably not. I canāt say that these will be my second and third projects out, as one in particular (which Iāll go into detail on at a later date) I really want to do justice. I want to do everything I write justice production-wise, but like that one in particular- if I only ever got to make one album, Iād drop everything else and make that one as close to perfect as someone as far from perfect as me could get it.
Then there are a few ideas that range from very loosely conceptual to directly storytelling-ish, but Iāve not started writing on them yet. I want to say Iāll hold off on a couple, but like- I wonāt. If I have an idea Iām gonna at least try it. I do need to work on my productivity music-wise. Like, either get off my ass and start recording or make writing a more regular thing and keep demos recorded and in a place where I wonāt/canāt ignore or forget them. Get into a place where I can record and put stuff out.
Oh also- picking a name for the first project. Itās hard. I keep coming up with titles I quite like but theyāre so long and just unsearchable. Like, as much as I like the title, I donāt think Iām going to call this first projectĀ āWho needs friends when you have [FIELD INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK]?ā because itās a mouthful and even if you try to shorten it when referring to it,Ā āField intentionally left blankā is still a mouthful. I had the idea a couple of days ago to call it something along the lines ofĀ āFalse Apathyā, mainly because a greater number of days ago I had the idea to call it something likeĀ āIām only pretending to be apatheticā or, god forbid,Ā āIām just going to keep pretending like Iām managing so as to not be a problemā (man, that last one just sounds so goddamn edgy even though I did not intend it as such and part of me still quite likes it).Ā
Anyway, I donāt have a nice conclusion for this post, or really a conclusion at all except to say Iām either out of stuff to write on this for now or out of the effort to continue when Iāve made my points- were they points even? Theyāre probably just ramblings but fuck it, this isnāt an essay so theyāre allowed to be ramblings if that is what they are.
Yeah, still no neat ending. Oh well. See you when I see you (or I guess write you when I have an idea of something to actually write you).
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A belated follow-up (something something sophomore slump)
Well, I did tell you that posts would be infrequent, and definitely not daily, didnāt I? To be fair, I had initially thought I would post every, say, three days or so, but itās been like six and even now I donāt really know what to put in this post. Donāt get me wrong, Iāve had ideas for posts, but none of them seem right for a second post. I donāt know why, but it would just feel off to me going straight from the equivalent of the expository monologue you get at the beginning of a poorly written story to suddenly a long post about if songwriting can either ethically or effectively be used as therapy when you write so much about your own failings in such a negative way. Also, to be fair to myself, this week has been busy for me. Not really in terms of workload of any official kind, but in terms of *other shit* that, again, would feel weird being stuffed into what is only my second post. Plus, again, I keep either having ideas that seem to big and out-of-place for a blog that has just started or just like lyric fragments and ideas that are so small and detached from anything that theyād look weird and out of place next to that big, intimidating, meandering post asking questions that donāt actually matter.
(I still canāt believe it took me 700 words to say Iām an aspiring musician starting a blog tracking my ideas.There, me, it takes 10. Itās not that hard.)
Oh, actually:
There is one thing I wanted to address which was brought to my attention by someone I know (hi cal (please let me know if you want me to stop this before it becomes a running... I donāt want to say joke because it isnāt funny, but a running thing)). In my previous post, and even the current title of this blog, I say stuff like ānobody is reading thisā a lot, or what was more directly mentioned to me when I previously saidĀ āThis will never find an audienceā. I want to stress that I was not and do not do this for any kind of guilt tripping. That would be shitty, and Iām kind of shitty, but not that kind of shitty. I more meant it in aĀ āthis is like the equivalent of a journal to meā kind of way, like although I am thinking about what Iām writing before I do write it, Iām not really editing or deleting stuff as I go along through a post. However, I can see how it could be construed as guilt tripping, especially that quoted bit. So Iām going to cut down on theĀ ā(nonexistent) youā stuff (even if I still feel like the sentiment behind it rings true) because I donāt want it to come across as though Iām trying to guilt anyone reading this into sharing it. I actually kind of like this not being shared- even though itās out on the internet it still feels like my own little corner. Iām not going to go as far as to demandĀ āNOBODY SHARE THIS EVER ITāS MY PRIVATE JOURNAL STOP ITā or anything. I may even go the opposite direction once I have both put out music and posts here relating to said music. Just know that I genuinely donāt mind there being no audience, or at least one I can see. Itās like performing a monologue to an empty theatre- it just means you can experiment and be a bit weirder with what youāre doing. Itās liberating to perform with no audience. Wow, I knew I wanted to address that but I thought itād be way shorter- this actually became a decently long post. Itās also pretty much entirely unrelated to music, and I donāt want blog posts about blog posts to become a regular thing- I donāt mind meta stuff but not while this blog has a single digit number of posts for fucks sake. Maybe next time Iāll do a deep dive into one of my songs- not line for line but just explaining some stuff about it. Itās stuff Iāve told most people I know in person who have heard the song, but itāll be cool having it out there in case someone outside my circle of friends hears it (again, that sounds guilt trip-ish but itās not intended as such. I need to work on it). Trust me, Iām not going to go allĀ āhereās the deep artistry of my lyrics.ā Itāll be more likeĀ āhey, I reference a song here, this is why I reference this song in particularā or what will become a running theme ofĀ āhey fun fact theĀ āyouā addressed in this song is actually me.ā
But thanks for reading, whoever you are. Even if that isnāt my next post, hopefully I do the next one before a week passes.
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So, like, whatĀ is this? What are you doing?
First things first, I know no one is reading this. OK, maybe Iām reading this in the future or the one person out of the two Iāve told about this who I know has a tumblr account (hi cal) is, but otherwise Iām shouting (well, typing) into a void. But I figured that a void to shout into would be nice.Maybe the best way to do aĀ āfirst postā would be answer some hypothetical questions from a hypothetical (and non-existent) reader. And even if it isnāt, hey, itās a form of structure at least. If Iām going to ramble to no one, why not do it in a semi-structured way.So...
Who?
If you (again, hypothetical, non-existent you) couldnāt tell from the subtitle to this blog, Iām a musician. Well, not really, but an aspiring musician. I think thatās the polite term for someone who tries to write songs in their spare time. My name isnāt really attached to this, but Iām also not all that concerned with anonymity. If I ever link to something Iāve recorded itāll probably have my name on it somewhere and thatās just kind of going to come out at some point so Iām not that concerned. But for now Iām Whose Army. Itās a decent stage name, if a little hard to get on social media (hell, I didnāt even really get it here).
tl,dr: No one really. A nobody with an unrealistic idea of wanting to be a musician.
What?
So what is this? Well, itās a blog. No shit. But what kind of blog? Probably an insufferable one. Basically, I need a journal of sorts. Except whenever Iāve tried keeping one, either physically or digitally but in a word document, I end up throwing it out or deleting it. So this is like an ultimatum to myself. Thereās probably some way to delete posts and I know I donāt actually have an audience here but itās easier to see this as a place where I can write down ideas or thoughts and then I canāt just erase them ten minutes later. Maybe itāll just be lyric fragments or song ideas, maybe Iāll be really pretentious andĀ āexplainā my songs if I want to distract from my lack of progress in actually writing. I donāt know exactly what Iām going to do with this, or if Iām even going to use it regularly.Ā tl,dr: A journal of sorts that i wonāt be able to just erase on a whim. Well, I can but I wonāt. I think. Actually I probably will but letās pretend I wonāt for now.
When?
If youāre talking about when Iāll post updates, no idea. It wonāt be daily or anything but Iāll try to make it a habit as long as I have something to say. If you mean when Iām going to release music, Iād like to set myself a loose deadline of releasing my first EP (or album or whatever it becomes) by or in summer 2019. Iāve written most if not all of it, but Iāve done no recording (which I just about know how to do) and no mixing (which I have zero clue whatsoever how to do, so be prepared for some shitty lofi stuff). tl,dr: The future, I guess.
Where?Ā
Here. Iāve yet to set up a bandcamp page, but Iāll likely post it here once I have anything to show for it. That will likely also be when (hypothetical and non-existent) you will get a name reveal (in italics because, again, Iām not really hiding my name, I just havenāt used it yet)Ā as I probably wonāt be able to grab Whose Army on any other platforms (and I may not even want to). tl,dr: Come on, this one was short. You can read it.
Why?
I donāt know, the aforementioned void thing? This is a lot like the What question, but it is different. Itāll be a nice place to track updates, remind myself to do work on music and occasionally (knowing me) write something really sad without realising it then regretting my decision to not delete shit. This will never find an audience and Iām pretty OK with that- it might actually be preferable, honestly. When I do put music out, even if itās small, an audience would probably benefit me. But this? Iād be OK if nobody ever sees it.
Hey, just like the title! tl,dr: Why am I putting so much effort into formatting something no one will read? I doubt the one other person who knows about this will even read this far (hi again cal if you make it this far). I probably wouldnāt. This is a waste of time, isnāt it?
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