whsprings - Tumblr blog

[whsprings]

I know it's my life and I know I am the one ruining it and I know no one can fix it for me but god I wish making changes wasn't so FUCKING hard.

[whsprings]

my dietitian ambushed pulled me during snack and I hated it. we got into a back-and-forth because ed brain decided to argue that snacks are unnecessary and that I am actually fine since my body is physically fine and I don't need "nutritional rehabilitation." then she made me sit with a supplement and kept prying at me with questions and I just. completely shut down. I've been feeling so hopeless and like I haven't made progress and for some reason that conversation took me to a headspace of "I will never get better and am a complete failure" even though she didn't really do anything to say or even imply that. also im not allowed any sharps out of my sharps bin for at least three days (even though I haven't used anything from my sharps bin to sh) and my saline for my healing piercings is in there for some oddball reason which pissed me off because I literally need that. I have rounds tomorrow and I plan on asking for it then but UGH. also I am starving but it's because I don't complete so I can't even complain about it 🙃

[whsprings]

IT WILL PASS IT WILL PASS IT WILL PASS IT WILL PASS

[whsprings]

i ♡ appppplleeeessssss <333333

[whsprings]

absolutely criminal how falling into bad habits is the easiest thing in the world while developing positive habits feels like fighting a literal war

[whsprings]

As far as CBT-E goes, it’s typically an outpatient treatment with like 20-40 sessions and it basically focuses on targeting ED behaviors more directly in terms of restoring weight if needed, challenging cognitions, etc. Rogers uses it or something pretty analogous, since theirs is a very very CBT focused program; Renfrew is primarily CBT-based but it’s technically UT, I’m sure there are others; I did it when I was OP at Melrose but didn’t find it personally resonant

"Also Equip uses it in treating adults in their outpatient program."

good to know, thank you!!

[whsprings]

The thing about traditiona/ethnic foods is SO true. Not to mention those kinds of foods commonly being used as "challenge meals" in treatment settings instead of put on a level playing field with like, oh idk, veggie burgers 😬

omg for real, it's so annoying

[whsprings]

As an asexual person I wish I were comfortable off anon bc I wanna say a-spec is a valid way to be, and absolutely belongs in LGBTQIA+ spaces. Asexual or aromanic or ace-anything. They gave us an entire letter ffs. There are so many people like this! It's not bad or broken or wrong. I'm saying it and sending this message for myself just as much as you right now.

I appreciate this ask a lot. I've been reading the book Ace by Angela Chen, and so much of what she talks about speaks to my experience and my fears. it is so validating and truly gives me hope. I hope one day being ace will be... normal, for lack of a better word, and that we won't have to be ashamed anymore.

[whsprings]

any tips on how i can reach out for help? im not underweight so i know damn well im not gonna be taken seriously. it's disappointing how doctors handle this. i need help but don't know how to get it.

I understand the fear. I've been invalidated and dismissed many times due to not being underweight. however, a good clinician will know that very few people with EDs are underweight and that eating disorders are mental illness. if they don't get it then keep trying, keep fighting for the treatment and the life you deserve. if you never ask the answer is always no.

on a more practical note, be prepared to talk about symptoms and frequency and how they interrupt your life. logging can be helpful but can also be triggering so I understand if you don't want to do that. also don't describe a "good" week/day, describe an average week/day. wishing you the best and I hope you find someone who listens

[whsprings]

You’re pretty upset about condiments while being in the position to pay thousands of dollars for luxury cross country treatment that you arguably don’t meet the weight/blood level standards to truly need. Where’s your dog again? Who is taking care of them now?

file this under asks my ed wrote also did you miss my post about 20+ people having to share one bathroom and it being 80° in here because I certainly wouldn't call the luxury.

[whsprings]

the fucking bathroom door for one of the communal bathrooms is broken (?) so we (20+ people) have to use a single communal bathroom with three toilet stalls and three showers. and this comes after the door to the unit was broken and alarming constantly 🙃

[whsprings]

I don't understand the no sauce/condiment rule here like would it be so hard to keep a drawer full of condiments in the dining room?? we are literally being watched while we eat bland food the least you could do is let us have s+p or ketchup or hot sauce or soy sauce or SOMETHING

[whsprings]

[whsprings]

let's play a game called is it my period coming, the treatment environment and my lack of progress, or a depressive episode causing me to feel so hopeless I just want to crawl into a tiny ball and sleep and never have to eat again

[whsprings]

[whsprings]

toastedbyeli

[whsprings]

this too shall pass