whyamsostupid-blog - Tumblr blog

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Boss Ed!!

Bakit ganun??? Nagpaplano pa tayo ng get together diba??? Sabi mo bata ka pa panot ka lang. 😭 Kuya Ed, binigla mo kami ng sobra!! Kuya Ed, maraming maraming salamat sa lahat. Isa ka sa mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko. Ni hindi man lang ako nakapagpasalamat sayo. Salamat kasi anjan ka nung mga panahong kelangan ko kayo sobrang salamat! Kuya ed, bantayan mo kami. Sobrang salamat sayo. Mamimiss ka namin!! 😭😭😭

Nov 17, 2021

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Little did I know that that night was the last time we'll have each other.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Oct 26, 2021

Another day has passed and I still haven't heard from you. I miss you so much it hurts. 😭

When will I forget you? When will I stop thinking about you? 😭

[whyamsostupid-blog]

😭

[whyamsostupid-blog]

We knew we had something special, but we were too scared to let it come out of our mouths. So we just kept it inside, buried in our hearts with the hope that when the right time comes, we will be able to let it out and it would be the best feeling in the world. But for that moment, we have to keep our feelings to ourselves. We have to be satisfied with the way we looked at each other with joy, the way we stay up too late just to talk about the sky, the way we argue about the simplest thing just to prove a point and annoy each other. Those were just little things but back then, it was everything for me. But I wouldn't let you know that. I wouldn't risk ruining whatever we have, hoping that someday we will be able to call it love.

Our lives were full of uncertainties at that time. You were an adventurous and free soul while I loved the familiarity and comfort this place offers. You didn't know where you would be a year later, and I was sure I will still be here even when you're gone. But one thing was for certain, we didn’t want any of this to end.

I was young and naive back then, but I knew my feelings were true. Because if it weren't, I wouldn't be writing this years later still hoping I wasn't too late and wishing that all this time you're still waiting for me too.

—august

Photo from Reply 1988

[whyamsostupid-blog]

I think letting go is the price we pay for loving the wrong person. And now I understand why a lot of people are broke. Because if love is priceless, we're basically paying for a chance at something we can never truly afford. And when you're down to your last penny, it's easy to convince yourself you're spending your worth on the right one.

— Matt Castañeda

Photo from 2046 (2004)

[whyamsostupid-blog]

It sucks that I have no one to talk to about this issue. It sucks that your cousins are giving up on us. It sucks that I give up. It sucks that it still hurts. It sucks that all of the evidences are here in my face and yet I still think of you. I just wish that time will pass so fast that I won't even notice that I completely forgot everything about you.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

I can still remember all those confessions you've made. I still remember how you told me you were watching from afar on my 18th birthday. I can still remember how you told me you came to me to PLM without me knowing. I can still remember how you told me how badly you want to talk to me but you can't. I still remember how you look to me everytime you see me in your window. I still remember everything.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Pretending unaffected but deeply hurt.

A sentence that is real deep but now has serve its purpose on this blog.

On the eyes of many people in this place I should not look affected. Because they know nothing about us. I should look strong as if nothing happened. I should look okay and pretend unaffected but deep inside I'm ready to burst out in tears and explode.

You gave me so much to remember. Wherever I look, I always remember you. Whatever I think, you're always crossing in my mind. Whatever song I played, you're always there! You fvckng asshole.

I let you in my life again because you still have this part in me that never left even 13 years has passed. Everything happened so fast. I didn't even saw that coming. Up to now I'm still hurt. It still hurts that I don't get to see you, that I can't talk to you. The pain is so much worst than the first reason why we broke up. And how dare you think you can go out of jail just because of an arrangement with my cousin. Oh boy you just got served what you deserved!

There are questions running out of my mind lately. Are you even thinking about me? Are you okay? Do you have your meds? Should I give you food? Oh fvck. Get lost!

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Sep 5, 2021

Here comes the worst-est worst news of my life. You're going to Jail. You're going to jail coz my cousin accused you for raping her 12 yr old child. For God's sake!!! 12 years old!! You fvcking raped my 12 years old niece!! And I'm here, thinking about what just had happened. Thinking if you're capable of doing such thing. Thinking if who's the real one, the one you showed me or that devil came inside you.

You left me hanging. I'm speechless. I don't know you're like that. I know you're better than that. I wanted to believe that they're just setting you up. But for God's sake, my cousin and my niece don't want anything from you guys! They don't even need money. They can work their ass up for money! They have no reason to put you up in jail if you haven't done anything bad. And you barely know each other closely! I really wanted to believe it's not you! But the results came in positive! Oh God! I don't know what to think. Are you really like that?

Even if I don't want to think it's you, how will you explain the CCTVs, the positive results, the witnesses? All of the evidences are fvcking there and you had nowhere else to go! You can't fvcking hide. Congratulations, you just wasted your life. You'll be spending a lifetime sentence in jail. And that's fvcking true.

God C! Of all people I know in this fvcking place, you are the least person I trusted who would never do such thing like that!!! But you did. I know you did. And that's fvcking ugly. I believe you did even if I should be the one on your side right now trusting you never did it.

May the Good Lord forgive you. May the Jfam forgive you. And me? I'll forgive you. Not now but soon and I'll forget about you.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

July 9, 2021

B's birthday. I cooked tofu sisig and shanghai for you guys. We sneaked out to A's room and drink there.

You asked me to go to Japan with you. I can't. I asked you to go there if that's where you'll find a greater life.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

July 13, 2021

You had your Cityhall and I have to go to Arranque to buy some jewelries. You waited for me and asked to CI with you but I strongly disagree. I will never cheat on my bf like that. I'm not the worst girlfriend he'll ever have.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

9 months.

For 9 months, i know we had a great journey. I know everyday he wants me. I know he always look after me. He's convincing me to leave my boyfriend but HOW can I leave my boyfriend if I know he's the one for me. My bf is the one I can see my future with.

C is always mad at me. He's mad because he loves me and I can't give my 100% heart to him. He's mad everytime bf comes to the store. He's mad everytime he sees us together. He's mad at me because I can't choose him.

EVERY time he tell me he loves me I can't even say "I love you, too". I'm still on that pace that please know that I'm still here sneaking out on my bf because I know you can't live without me. I know you'll lose yourself if I leave you. I know because you said so, and I saw it too. You cried on me. Everyone left you, and why would I leave you too? I know when it comes to me, you'll breakdown. I just know it.

Those memories, riding bike together. Drinking together on D's house. Those videocall, those chats, those calls, those sneaky look for each other. God I miss that bridge. We call it "Makasalanang Tulay"

Aug 21, 2021.

Little did I know that, that was the last time we'll be together. You're poker faced. You're mad again. You're not talking. You're silent. Fiesta and I sneaked out just to be with you. I know I want to rush home because my bf will look for me. You took me to the trike station and handled me your handtowel because I'm sweating. You're mad because of my voice and you kissed me goodbye.

We still chat though.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Jan 16, 2021

I'm with my cousin chillin' out on their room waiting for her husband to come home when Pauline chatted me she wants to drink with me. I told her I'm not in the mood coz who would want to drink as late as 1am in the morning? But she finally convinced me and told me C can come.

We were so happy singing karaoke. Until Pauline burst out that my cousin accidentally touched her in his leg when asking money for another beer.

Another JAIL EPISODE happened. And our issues just brought up. Poor B ended up to jail for nothing. I know because I was there. I'm not drunk. I know everything!

[whyamsostupid-blog]

New Year 2021

Well I don't know. I know I promised myself to cut him out of my life again but I kinda don't want to lose him. I don't want to cut ties with him. I want to be friends with him. I just want him in my everyday life. I want him to look after me. I want it that he cared for me. I want him looking out through his window just to see me. But I still know I don't want to be his future wife. You know when you're comfortable with someone and you're already used to it. And you don't want it to end. That's the feeling I have. I feel like I'm important. I feel like he don't want to lose me.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Dec 19, 2020

We just had our next gimmick. It wasn't as happy as our first gimmick at Bedrock. But it's fine, we enjoyed it. There he promised me, he'll marry me five years from now. And I was like, what were you thinking? I'm not even sure if I can still be with you or If I want to be with you. I'm weighing things here. Between my boyfriend and you, MY BOYFRIEND is still on top. He gave me so much more than his life. He's done so much that I don't want to lose him. He loves me more than anyone. He didn't even cheated on me! Not even once! What made you think that I'll be marrying you 5 years from now?? What will my parents say? What will my friends say? What will the people around us will say? They'll definitely laugh at me if I choose you!

Nevertheless, we still chat and I promised myself that after new year, I'll stop! I'll delete my account and go on with my life WITHOUT HIM.

[whyamsostupid-blog]

Dec 7, 2020

He promised me last night that he'll go to work even he's wasted. Turns out he didn't sleep and drink the whole night and wasn't able to go to work.

Saw Nica's post that there's some girls upstairs drinking with them and she's mad about it. While she's mad, I'm frustrated. I chatted him with my dummy account and he's sorry. He said he's not flirting anyone and he doesn't want me to get mad.

And there goes the chatting begins..