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The Story of you and I - Part Two

I fell for you hard and fast. After that first date I always wanted to be around you. I loved your touch, your kiss, the way you looked at me, everything. And we did spend all our free time together. My favorite days were the simple ones. Walking on the beach collecting sea glass, hanging at the beach watching you surf, just being lazy and watching movies all day. I never got board of being around you. 

Our love started off slow and simple. It was always the little things for me that made me love you more each day. The nicknames you had for me, the way you would always have coffee ready. You made me feel heard and seen in the beginning. You were my protector. My heart. 

When we got your son full times we hit a bump but we made it through. I was a big adjustment for me. Going from having personal time alone with you to always have him around. But I fell in love with, with him, with us as a family. I loved being there for him, and for you. We built a family together and made it through the tough times of me adjusting. We grew together in that time. We got a house and moved out of your moms, we started our own family traditions. I look back and my heart hurts not being with you and him. Not having you to be my support after a long day, my comfort, my heart. Missing a child that felt like my own and now i’m alone. It hurts more than I can explain, and no one around me really gets it. The hurt, the pain, but all the love I still have for you and that I will always have for you. 

[wildflowerblog]

The Story of you and I - Part One

It was just another night working at the bar. My friend and I had our pre-shift drink like always and headed in for another Friday night serving cocktails. We were having another boring shift when all of the sudden you walked in the door and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. So started me walking past your table 100 times until you noticed me and when you did my heart stopped. We talked briefly and exchanged number. I was so nervous I didn’t know how to answer this simplest text. 

Fast forward a week and we are on our first date. I was so nervous driving to the restaurant that night wondering where this date will lead. And it lead to something great. Our first kiss is something I will never forget. The way you looked into my eyes and grabbed my face, I knew from that moment I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You wanted me to sleepover, and I did too, but I knew that this was something special and didn’t want to be just another girl you bring home. So I left and you texted the next day to see me again. Starting our journey together. Little did I know I would be sitting here 7 years later experiencing the biggest heartbreak of my life. 

[wildflowerblog]

It's crazy that after loving someone for so long you can hate them so much. You never thought you would hate them this way but here you are sitting in here alone wondering how you could hate them this much. A wedding was 3 months away and now I'm here wondering if I'll ever love again. He has hurt me in a way I can never explain. And he doesn't think it's the big of a deal. He is cold and hurtful and has no sympathy. He blindsided me with this but thinks I should have known this was coming. Now he wants me to have a whole new life figured out 3 weeks later so his life can be easier. I don't even know that man I am talking to anymore. I don't recognize him anymore. I know in time I will be greatful for what has happened because of these are his true colors I don't want him. This is not the man I thought I was going to marry.

[wildflowerblog]

Seven years ended in tears.

I sit here alone and wonder why you left me. While we have talked and you have given your reasons I still have a hard time understanding. Love is strong. Our love was strong. Relationships are work and so is love. It isn't always easy. My heart hurts, my chest is tight, and my stomach is in knots. Seven years and I'm in tears. Seven years with a wedding in the way and he told me he could no longer stay. He has hurt me in ways I never thought could happen. I thought his love for me was something that was unbreakable. A love that would last a lifetime. But here I am alone. Not knowing what will come next. Left to pick up the pieces and start new while he keeps the life we had together. The house, the friends, the family, the dogs, our life just without me in it. I sit here in a room that isn't mine, with only one friend to call while I watch him delete me from it all. It's painful to see myself disappear from his life. I look at his pages and see that I'm gone, like for seven years he has been single and not with a woman he asked to marry. I gave him my love, my trust, my heart, my everything. He took it all and tossed it away. I am crushed and he seems fine. I never thought a would have a pain like this. But here I am laying in bed alone and hurt wondering if I'll ever be able to trust and to love again....

[wildflowerblog]

Friends

Friends, someone everyone needs. I have tried so hard to have friends yet my whole life I have been on the outside. Now here I am in my late twenties and all I have is myself. And it hurts it hurts so bad. I look at all the groups of friends and wonder why didn’t anyone like me, what did I do wrong? Why am I alone? 

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Feelings

Feelings. They are confusing. They are raw. They make you who you are. But when someone doesn’t understand your feelings it makes you question every part of your being. Well at least for me....