wildthistle - Tumblr blog

[wildthistle]

hello Mr. Gaiman! would you please tell my depression to fuck off?

I can try.

Dear Depression, please fuck off. Begin by fucking off, continue to fuck off, and about the point where you think perhaps it's time to stop fucking off and come back, then just fuck off some more.

[wildthistle]

have you guys ever noticed how pretty the bi flag is???

Like, look at it

It looks like a sunset

just

#the sky is bi confirmed

[wildthistle]

[wildthistle]

it’s not october quite yet but FUCK IT! time to get spooky

[wildthistle]

anyway now that a Tom Holland and Tom Hardy movie seems unavoidable, we need to make Peter Parker a photographer again, so we can reintroduce the Workplace Rivalry dynamic between him and Eddie Brock, which will be a MILLION times funnier with the actors' age gap.

End of the movie Venom, Eddie was getting back on his feet and judging from the post credit scene had his reporter job back. Can you imagine, he's feeling great, he's feeling like a star again, and then here comes this 17 year old asshole hotshot crazy talented photographer who is stealing the hearts of everyone in the office. Peter is being his usual sweetheart self to everyone BUT Eddie because Eddie sets his spidey sense off and he can't figure out why. So there can be a running gag of Eddie trying to convince people Peter is a total brat and then they cut to him offering to help 3 different coworkers at the same time while also handing out cupcakes. Eddie's trying to convince Anne something is up with the kid and then they pass him on the street walking 10 dogs and offering to carry a woman's groceries for her so Anne thinks he's crazy again.

Meanwhile Peter IS being weird around Eddie, mostly because of the spidey sense issue. But also because Eddie has been trying to undermine all his work since the moment he started there- like, SURE, he's TECHNICALLY cheating with the great pictures of Spider-Man, but Eddie doesn't know that!! And he takes other pictures too!! So he starts taking advantage of his super hearing so he'll know what story Eddie is planning on doing and he can get the scoop first lmao. This just drives Eddie crazier because he's SURE this means the kid is spying on him but he can't PROVE IT!! He keeps complaining about it to his boss and the boss is like Eddie my man,,,,,he's a teenager,,,,you've won a Pulitzer before,,,,focus your energy elsewhere,,,,

but he DOESN'T.

So the boss gets wind of some crazy main plot shit going down and he's like alright, I need my two best workers on this case, yes they hate each other but maybe this will force them to Get Along.

That's right folks, I AM demanding a Spidey and Venom buddy-cop type film.

Anyway while they're working on the story they both realize this is something their vigilante alter-egos should be dealing with- so both Eddie&Venom and Spider-Man are trying to investigate the story for Work, Where They Make Money To Not Be Homeless, but they're also trying to do their hero job, and they're both also trying to figure out how to go about that without revealing their identities to each other. Whacky hijinks ensues.

Things that will definitely happen in this movie:

The flash on Peter's camera going off at a Terrible moment and giving away their hiding place

Eddie and Peter keep wildly getting each other's ages wrong- Eddie insisting Peter's prepubescent and Peter insisting Eddie must be in his 70s. At one point when someone asks them who they are while they're undercover, Peter says Eddie is his grandfather. After they realize each other's identities, there's a scene where they're arguing with a guy, doing Good Cop Bad Cop, and Venom snaps and bites his head off, and Peter's like 'I fucking KNEW you were a Boomer'

At the end of the film after they stagger home after a very cinematic superhero fight, they find Anne and Aunt May drinking wine and having a ladies night

Somewhere around the third act after they stop hating each other Eddie is going to have a 'fuck am I a father figure' moment, but Peter has moved on from his daddy issues and is now in a Men Are Trash stage and refuses to let it happen. Eddie like tries to give him some advice or something like he's trying to have a #moment and Peter shuts it down so fast lmao. So by the end of the film, even though they don't hate each other anymore, their comical dynamic hasn't actually changed which is Great

They're either going to spend Too Much time having Peter deal with Venom eating people, or they'll just brush over it altogether

After they do get past the cannibal thing, Venom is going to LOVE Peter just like everyone else and it'll drive Eddie even crazier

Since both their previous movies leaned heavily into comedy, the identity reveal scene is going to be way more humorous than dramatic or climactic. I'd imagine Tom Hardy doing his whole unhinged thing as he's finally Validated after being told he's crazy the whole movie, and Tom Holland could easily match that energy since Peter would obviously be freaking out about Venom. Like the fight ends and they're both freaking the fuck out on each other lmao

Eddie and Peter will have insulting nicknames for each other but by the end of the film you can tell they mean them affectionately and everyone watching will be Soft about it

This movie...writes itself. And something light-hearted and not done before would be the easiest way to bring back Spidey after the mcu split. Both actors have a great range and with how Unhinged Hardy's Eddie and how Anxious Holland's Peter are, it could be hilarious to see then bounce off each other as a team rather than as enemies...Sony. Please. Do what the cowards at Marvel won't and Call Me.

[wildthistle]

[wildthistle]

my singing voice is good for showers and mornings in the kitchen and drunken nights and lullabies for babies who need sleep and im okay with this

[wildthistle]

tbh the best feeling in the world is when you get to make your favorite people laugh and you have that moment of yes,,,,, just as planned,,,,,,,,,,, I have Succeeded in Bringing Them Amusement,,,,,, look at that Beautiful Smile™ that means the world to me

[wildthistle]

call me ignorant but i genuinely don’t understand why sports have to be split up by gender.

[wildthistle]

If Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can’t humans be summoned by ants? The answer is they should be.

[wildthistle]

im a whole entire 21 year old woman and i just drove a toddler-sized electric jeep covered in pictures of frozen characters down a street so i could park it in a garage. i couldnt fit in the seats so i sat on the trunk of the mini vehicle. im not currently wearing contact lenses or glasses so i couldnt actually see anything. i was squinting and grimacing the entire time in an effort to focus on not crashing and dying. let it go was blasting through the speakers

[wildthistle]

everytime I stay at a hotel I take a bite out of the soap bar to confuse the cleaning staff

[wildthistle]

OH I FORGOT. I SAW THE GREATEST CAR IN THE WORLD WHEN I WAS COMING BACK FROM THE JOB INTERVIEW I DID TODAY

[wildthistle]

a person from 150 years ago would be terrified by modern stuff . however , a duck from 150 years ago would just be all like ,still got lakes? yes ? okay cool

[wildthistle]

there’s a line in twilight that goes “there was nothing more beautiful than Edward in his khakis and pale beige pullover” and i think about that every day of my life

[wildthistle]

is there ever that one celebrity that no matter what mood youre in, if you feel like crap you just see a picture of them and you just smile and think “thank you for existing” because they have made your day brighter even if you don’t really know them 

[wildthistle]

faeries can’t lie which is why hozier said “no comment” as to whether he is one of the folk, but then in another question, said “time moves differently in the fae realm” and qualified his statement with “i’m joking,” which suspiciously falls in line with the fact that the fae are notorious for being mischievous. therefore, we can make the assumption that his statement was not a lie but also not the full truth. in this essay i will