willow-774 - Tumblr blog

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Dick: "I love the difference between the JL comms and the Batfam comms, because on the JL comm, it sounds like-"

"Wonder Woman": "this is WW1, requesting backup in New York, over."

Dick: "Meanwhile I turn on the Batfam comms and the first thing i hear is-."

"Stephanie": "Tim, How much maple syrup would I need to drink before I can feel my blood pumping through my veins?"

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Damian's art classes when he was a kid. Headcanon Talia let him have art class at least.

Talia: Pencils down!

Damian (7) places his pencil down and patiently waits for his mom to see it.

Ra: Wait, I have to finish the piece!

Talia: I said pencils down!

Talia snatches the pencil away and looks at her father's art piece trying not to harshly judge him.

Talia: Father... I said to be simple, not confusingly abstract.

Ra: It is inspired by Picasso.

Talia (sweetly): If he had a stroke?

Ra (offended): I studied with the greats for decades and my style won't change for some poultry art class you begged me to have for your son!

Talia: Father, I will knife you 20 times then toss you in the pit... Then knife you in the hand. Again.

Ra (crossing his arms): Check the youngling, I peeked and his is bad.

Damian (offended): Hey.

Talia: Let me see, tifl.

Damian (holds up the drawing): It's a lady. I think it needs work, but this is what I- I got.

(Author's note - I drew this)

Ra: Mm-hm, lay in on him. Basic as the underworld.

Talia smiles and pats her son on the head.

Talia: Very good, tifl. You get a prize.

Ra (shocked): What?

Talia: Damian did a great sketch, he earned himself two fruit chews.

Damian: Two fruit chews?! Yay!

Talia gets the candy jar and hands her cute son one pink and one red fruit chews.

Damian smiles softly and then eats the first chew. Talia rubs his cheek with a smile.

Ra: You're coddling him!

Ra angrily tosses his drawing on the floor. Talia rolls her eyes.

Damian: Here you go, grandpa.

Damian hands the evil old man his second chewy candy.

Damian: You earned it for doing art.

Ra begrudgingly takes the candy and storms off. Talia gives her son two extra pieces of candy.

Talia: I'm doing pretty well as a mother?

Damian (shrugging): Eh, 50/50.

Talia: Excellent!

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Pardon the brief outburst of insanity but I still cannot get over the lineup of Bartseq's human villains. They're all perfectly suited to their purpose and setting, yeah, and you know what they represent and the role they play, but there's always something so deeply, deeply, wonderfully bizarre about them:

AoS: Simon Lovelace - a slimy manipulative asshole who wants to take over and rule the place. He also appears to be the only magician around in a semi-functional, affectionate parental relationship with his former master.

GE: Henry Duvall - the chief of police and an authoritarian, warmongering asshole who doesn't care about the lives he ruins on his way to power. He also happens to be a furry who tells other furries what to do.

PG: Quentin Makepeace - the unassuming yet deadly mastermind who's been hiding in plain sight all along and planning to unleash an invasion of body-snatching spirits unto London. He is also a theatre kid and writes questionable human/spirit plays for propaganda.

RoS: For the sake of everyone's sanity I will end the post here.

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After Tim rescued Bruce from the Time Stream I feel like Tim would start to favor the League of Assassins as his preferred stress ball to the point that they’ve started preparing for it with drills to evacuate a base in the same way schools do fire drills.

Tim is well aware of this and will occasionally choose a base that’s already in the midst of evacuating because that just makes his job easier.

Sometimes the ninjas think it’s just a drill and “that’s the 3rd one today, are you serious?” so they don’t take it as seriously until they see Ra’s booking it as fast as he can to the safe zone that they realize this one is real and not just a Stress Test and it’s suddenly every ninja for themselves.

The image of Ra's booking it across his base is causing me to cackle. He cares so much about presentation (you can't be an assassin overlord without a scary reputation) that him sprinting is hilarious. I know he has great running techniques, but I love the mental image of him pumping his arms as he books it across base, and a bunch of assassins get blown up in the background.

Also, I'm super curious what their fire drills would be like. I know alarm sounds differ depending on the country, so does Ra's have a different one per a base or a standard LoA fire alarm sound? I'd love to see fanart of Ra's directing fire drills.

Depending on which hc or canon you subscribe to, I could definitely see LoA bases being a favorite of Tim's to mess with. I think, if he was only feeling slightly petty, he'd do small things. Blowing up the bases is his last resort. Why destroy a place he has an address to if he can send Ra's a box of cooked spaghetti noodles and instant mash potatoes?

Tim likes installing LED lights in random places of the bases to set the mood for the occasion. The number of times Ra's has had to postpone a meeting because Tim somehow got LEDs in his meeting room is over ten. Assassination attempts on Red Robin were increased after the fourth time Tim made the LEDs blue after a "sad" report.

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Give me unhinged Timberkon.

Give me Bernard stalking Red Robin the same way Tim stalked batman. Give me stalker Kon, who while stalking Tim when he's overwhelmed by the world, discovers Bernard and chooses to stalk him too- just to sus him out at first, but slowly it becomes an infatuation. He's listening to both their heartbeats at night.

Give me Bernard realising he's being followed because Kon isn't as subtle as he thinks. Bernard stalking SB back, creating a theory board dedicated just to him.

Give me Tim stalking SB when they're at the tower and he's bored. Tim stalking Bernard to make sure he gets home safe. Tim realising that he's not the only one keeping him safe when he spots a flash of red and blue and leather speed off and out of sight. Tim realising that Bernard has been stalking his hero persona, that he has several boards of photos and newspaper clippings about him and Kon, about the bats and the core four.

Give me Kon, who would die for either of them, put himself in the way of immense danger, become stupid and reckless in the name of protecting what he loves. Would sacrifice himself in every scenario to ensure Tim and Bernard are safe.

Give me Tim who would infiltrate the government for his boys, would do anything, hack anything to assure their safety. Would bug their house just to make sure nothing ever happened to them. Would go insane trying to bring them back if he ever failed.

Give me Bernard who would kill for them. Who would readily bloody his hands in the name of love if it ever came to it. Who would use everything he learned in that cult to ruins someone's life if they hurt what was his.

Give me timberkon who's love is so whole, so intense, that it cannot be contained by ethics nor morals.

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You get free rein and a blank check to write the next Batman movie but you can’t use any villains who have appeared in any previous live-action Batman movies. That means you can’t use Joker, Penguin, Catwoman, Riddler, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, Dr. Freeze, Scarecrow, or Bane.

Which Batman villain stars in your movie

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Spirit Animal is racist.

Patronus was invented by a transphobe.

I think it’s time we all suck it up and say what we mean: fursona.

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Respectfully, Ireland is the best country on the planet

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Stickers seen around NYC in the days after cops opened fire in the NYC subway, shooting a fellow officer, two bystanders, and an alleged "fair evader" they were attempting to apprehend.

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Do you think Ash's mother knows about all his deaths? Or you think he just forgets to mention it

knowing how she acts in the early seasons (and later now that I think about it) Delia is either a massive airhead or she's so numb to Ash's bullshit after 10 years nothing phases her

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I know people mean well when they say it but hearing the phrase “you know your body best” as someone with chronic illness is so funny, like man no I don’t I ain’t got no clue what that fucker’s planning and I’m scared to find out

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learning about plants in ur area is wild. like you also learn about the histories of the plants. Like oh! Thats garlic mustard! That was brought over from europe as a crop! it smells just like garlic and you can cook with it!  And thats yarrow!  Its been used for tons of stuff and pollinators love it! Oh hey! Thats hemlock! They killed Socrates with that! 

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AU where Bruce and Talia get married and Ra'd just... hangs around

He finds Wayne Manor’s version of the mother-in-law suite and refuses to leave

He had LoA meetings there for a while, but Bruce kept spying on them ("It’s my house!") so confidential information isn't discussed there, but everything else is fair game

Alfred's cookies means the League book club is suddenly very popular

None of the kids can bring friends home without having to explain "Yeah that's my (step)grandpa wearing the dramatic robes cursing my dad for stopping him from killing the mayor. Yeah the ninjas are his too. Same with the endangered animals wandering around the house. No it's actually pretty calm today"

Alfred starts cooking larger amounts of food because there’s always a ninja or two (or ten) hanging around, and he’s determined to be a good host ("Why is there a cake tonight?" "It’s Bob's birthday, Master Bruce " "Ninja Bob? Damn I forgot to get him a gift.")

Ra's always spoils his grandkids rotten, of course, but in the weirdest ways possible. Mainly pets. Bruce does not appreciate this.

When Cass shows up, she and Ra's have a staring contest for an hour straight. No one's quite sure what happened, and no one really wants to know

And his shenanigans aren't confined to private either! If there's a gala, he's there, and he does not care about social etiquette. That man makes headlines way more often than not ("'Wayne FIL Has Bodyguards Attack Socialite For Wearing Fur'." "That fur comes from an endangered fox; how else was I supposed to react?")

Ra's likes to match gala outfits with Talia, Talia likes to match with Bruce and Damian (and whatever kids consider her their mom), and the other kids like to join in on the joke, meaning the entire family is matching except for Dick, who refuses out of spite (a picture of them all together quickly becomes a meme format)

The Halloween gala is filled with people in ninja "costumes"

The Court of Owls tries to assassinate Ra's once, not because of the League of Assassins thing, just because he got on the nerves of one too many members. Taking them down is one of the few times Ra's and Dick get along, and it freaks everyone out so much they're determined to never let it happen again

The family is divided on whether they find him and his shenanigans amusing or not. Talia, Jason and Duke do. Bruce and Dick don't. No one's quite sure about Cass, and Damian won't say either way. Tim starts a mini war with Ra's, with the casualties ending up as 2 chandeliers, 5 computers, 4 antique vases, at least 7 League plots, the microwave and Tim’s spleen

He does manage to find the Lazarus Pit infecting Gotham’s water supply and isolate it. So. That's nice.

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I feel like Alfred keeps count of every time the kids have made him and Bruce update the house rules. Everyone expects Damian to not be in the list, since he's so uptight but just because he's very strict on his moral code doesn't mean he respects a random set of rules. He's made it a few times to the list including "no murder/maiming attempts at Tim the family" and "a limit of two pets per family member". He gets around the limit by making his siblings "adopt" his pets.

Both Damian and Cass are the reason behind a lot of the addendums to the "politeness" section of the rules. Or, as Jason puts it, the "normal human behavior rules". Problem is: Cass pretends to not know how to read even years down the line, so Bruce ends up giving her an audiobook version.

Now everyone assumes top of the list has to go to Jason or Dick. And to be fair, they do rack up quite a few rules to their name. The infamous "no hanging from the chandeliers" and "No C4 No explosive materials in the manor" are theirs. Dick got most of his as a kid and Jason as an adult.

But no, the top two spots for "most changes made to the rules" are Duke and Tim. They just can't help themselves. These aren't new big rules like the others, but a never ending barrage of addendums to preexisting rules. Like, the book looks like this at this point:

Everyone must participate in household chores

Everyone must do their chores for the day

Everyone must do their chores between 1:00 to 4:00 pm (and never at six am on Sunday)

Everyone must do only their chores at the specified times. It's forbidden to do a siblings chores and argue they should be punished for not doing them.

You can't do chores dressed in an inflatable trex costume

Etc etc

It's gotten so bad Bruce is thinking about making an online list just so he can stop reprinting it. Those two read the book of rules as if it's their life's mission to find loopholes. They follow the rules in the most obnoxious way possible. Stephanie helps them brainstorm from the comfort of her own house, knowing she doesn't have to deal with the consequences.

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Give me unhinged Timberkon.

Give me Bernard stalking Red Robin the same way Tim stalked batman. Give me stalker Kon, who while stalking Tim when he's overwhelmed by the world, discovers Bernard and chooses to stalk him too- just to sus him out at first, but slowly it becomes an infatuation. He's listening to both their heartbeats at night.

Give me Bernard realising he's being followed because Kon isn't as subtle as he thinks. Bernard stalking SB back, creating a theory board dedicated just to him.

Give me Tim stalking SB when they're at the tower and he's bored. Tim stalking Bernard to make sure he gets home safe. Tim realising that he's not the only one keeping him safe when he spots a flash of red and blue and leather speed off and out of sight. Tim realising that Bernard has been stalking his hero persona, that he has several boards of photos and newspaper clippings about him and Kon, about the bats and the core four.

Give me Kon, who would die for either of them, put himself in the way of immense danger, become stupid and reckless in the name of protecting what he loves. Would sacrifice himself in every scenario to ensure Tim and Bernard are safe.

Give me Tim who would infiltrate the government for his boys, would do anything, hack anything to assure their safety. Would bug their house just to make sure nothing ever happened to them. Would go insane trying to bring them back if he ever failed.

Give me Bernard who would kill for them. Who would readily bloody his hands in the name of love if it ever came to it. Who would use everything he learned in that cult to ruins someone's life if they hurt what was his.

Give me timberkon who's love is so whole, so intense, that it cannot be contained by ethics nor morals.

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Just a heads up right now: on the day when Trump dies, I’m going to be extremely tasteless about it. It’s going to get ugly. You are going to see a side of me I am not proud of. I don’t want any call-outs in my inbox, I’m stating right now that lines will be crossed.