willowmute

[willowmute]

[willowmute]

(influenced by advertising in a way no human has ever been before) in a beautiful sort of way, i see sour cream & onion as my roommates

[willowmute]

unfortunately, seems it's men's month again

[willowmute]

come here so i can pinch you with my clamping beak!

[willowmute]

imagine if there were annoying astrology people who try to make it all a comment on your personality but about the french republican calendar "ohhhh you were born on the day of the chestnut......... this explains so much"

[willowmute]

i've been nominated for world's worst urban wildlife photographer

[willowmute]

we've accepted the adjacency of bdsm to improvisational theater and tabletop roleplaying. but there's another, darker truth. there is a set of skills that overlap highly with another career path. lockpicking. sleight of hand. that's right. the widely reviled... the stage magician

[willowmute]

workers of the world unite INCLUDES the ants farming aphids on the apple sapling in my garden

[willowmute]

my fervent dream is to live in a house with external shutters. unfortunately achieving this likely involves becoming french

[willowmute]

if you get in a bad enough way the human doctors will try to stick a needle in you to get the air out; most of the time they put a one-way valve in you afterwards. & unfortunately unlike other animals we don't blow up like a big balloon

[willowmute]

i feel like artificial insemination isn't even the weirdest thing we do to cows. i learned how cows that are super bloated are treated??? apparently you just... poke 'em and let the gas out. (medically necessary care, just goofy)

yeah!!!!! you loterally just poke a hole in their side and it fixes them(after exhausting other treatment options) !!!??? gd bless !!

for anyone thats curious as to what this looks like

skip to about 2 minutes!

[willowmute]

35 year old guy i added on steam: Heh, well, I might be on tomorrow. You know how it is, with a kid and all- their schedule is your schedule

12 year old me: Totally get it man

[willowmute]

still think waking up from open heart surgery and immediately reading Banks' The Bridge and then after i was discharged The Futurological Congress is one of most hilarious things i've done. derealisation disorder speedrun attempt

[willowmute]

finally broken in my orthotic shoes and i am gamboling unwisely around the forest like a flighty deer

[willowmute]

would love a pathologist to sign off on my benign nature

describing someone to a friend: "um slightly taller than you, light brown hair, macroscopically normal"

[willowmute]

describing someone to a friend: "um slightly taller than you, light brown hair, macroscopically normal"

[willowmute]

b e d t o g o. you can go to bed to go