willseroner

[willseroner]

Pity not Love

I saw you there stooped like a fragile broken rose

My heart pounded for you and in that moment feelings arose

I knew that drawing near you would be like playing with fire

but yet your attention upon me stirred in me a great desire

though I knew it was wrong, I still proceeded to let myself go 

your dazzling gaze and beautiful eyes made my curiousity grow

talking to you day and night our bond grew the more bigger

and throughout the whole time I had doubts that I could not figure

You offered so much and you never held back one bit

this bountiful way of yours, so brilliant! It made me feel like a kid

like when he’s picked up by his parents and has his hair stroken

and they comfort him with soft words like when his favorite toy has broken

I was succumbed by your generosity, character, and personality

your great sense of humor, humility, and plain normality

But all the while, in me uncertainty stirred like a great whirlwind

and despite all the signs and warnings I was still calling you my girlfriend

the addiction kept growing just wanting that daily fix of “love” 

because I never had it in my life, I never knew what it was!

Now that it was at my reach I just wanted to grasp it, hold it, and keep it near

even if by doing so I was causing someone a great pain in the ear

I  wasn’t sure that you knew the truth although part of me sensed it

because many times you made excuses so that I would confess it

But I was a coward, and I was blinded heavily by compassion

because you’d already gone through this and in the same exact fashion

I guess what I wanted to show was that you deserve to be treated correctly

that you’re special in every way, that you  matter and that you are worthy!

But, my approach was erroneous I didn’t come to you as a friend

instead I came as a lover and a life partner, my God! how did this happen?

Because I wasn’t true to me, to myself to my feelings and emotions

now your stuck so deep I imagine you as thought drowning in the ocean

and my guilt and shame are higher than the largest mountain

because I lied! I lied when I asked you to be my woman

God bless this damsel who’s marvelous in every way 

yet my heart does not belong to her it just doesn’t work that way

I pray that you wipe her tears away and heal her wounds

and that you cure my petrified heart and get rid of its mucus and worms

I will not take the same route again for as long as I still live

But I will never forgive myself for all the wrong that I did

to that poor tender flower who’s only wish was to give

and that I knew not how to water her so that long she could live. 

[willseroner]

It used to be all fun and games, shouts, and cheers

We’d be running around talking, dancing, looking joyfully queer

it was something to look forward to it was a festive time

all the family got together, sat down and spent lots of time

songs of the season were heard, it was fun all round

no frown nor grins nor smiles seen upside down

year by year it came and gradually it went

leaving memories that are still stored in my head

such innocence we had, we cracked jokes all the time

playing sports and games having big laughs at dinner time

there was no remorse, there was no hate, no rencor

we were never bored and all the sadness went out the door

who would’ve known things would rapidly change

I started to grow up and was mesmerized by gangs

I took on that rebel mind with a screwed up mentality

I did harmful and bad thing I slowly lost humanity

did drugs, did crimes, did nothing but damage

acting out of impulse, not thinking, just on a straight rampage

smoking heavily, poisoning my body and steadily growing dull

involved in the lifestyle that hurts, the one the kills.. that’s bull!

I just started disappearing and my absence was there

My family noticed of course but I thought they were unaware

it was lies drugs sold me and I took it all in vain

I was lost and blind for many years, feeling lots of pain

accidents began to happen, the bad news spread quickly

everyone looked at me strange then, frowning, just differently

I guess it’s not people who lose respect for one another

it’s one that loses respect for himself and forgets about his mother

your anger keeps growing and your sadness becomes abundant

for stupid reasons you take actions that are just plain redundant

the hole in your chest widens and gets deeper and bigger

it might go away you say, at least that’s what you figure

out of desperateness you try your luck taking a shot at the ladies

you get involved so much with them you even think about babies

you’d think they’d fill you make you happy and complete

but deep down in your heart you know that what you need is peace

so you just waste your time and what’s worst of all

you break a young ladie’s heart who gave it her all 

At the time it seems unimportant or even insignificant

that you treated people like objects and you were just plain indifferent

But as time passes by you grow older and a little smarter

you realize you were wrong and you only created borders

disobedience combined with stubbornness works like mortar

cause now you steered family away a drew near ones further

you check to see who’s there and it’s only a few

mother, father, sisters, nieces, and nephews

and those you knew who loved you but do no more

changed as well and walked straight out the door

time keeps passing and you become a little bolder

you see life’s hard and you’ve got to watch over your shoulder

you see the world changed a lot, it got a tad bit colder

and you start taking things more seriously now, for starters

you look towards the horizon never minding the haters

have faith in god and pray steadily, for he is the greatest

Now I play it off, act like everything’s cool

playing the part but still quite stubborn like a mule

try to enjoy my days and my stay in this short life

not caring much about having a woman nor a wife

I know my time in this life will not last for too long

I try to hang out with my family hoping they’ll forgive my wrongs

I love them a whole lot but surely they don’t know it

I don’t tell them that I do much and I might not even show it

this year has almost gone and Christmas is about done

I’m making the best of it now, Oh how the year has run!

I wonder why things are distinct but maybe it’s none of my business

though I have all I need, l can’t help but feel something’s missing

you know I must say, I still miss a lot the old Christmas.