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whats the difference between outlaws and inlaws

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Things cats were right about all along:

Fuck staying hydrated by drinking enough water - eat! more! wet! food! (watermelon, cucumbers, SOUP!)

Feels great to be really high up in your house where you can see the whole place (loft bed loft bed loft bed loft bed!)

Express yourself as clearly as possible when people are touching you and you don't want them to.

Optional, but you can also express yourself clearly when your people are not touching you and you want them to.

Sometimes it's important to just go "hmm. actually, I don't care" and wander off.

You don't have to be the strongest or toughest to defend yourself, it's enough to just be difficult enough to not be worth the trouble.

Ghosts will eventually leave if you stare at them for long enough.

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SHE FELL

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I had one recently who claimed to be a police officer calling me to tell me they had a warrant for me and were coming to enforce it (I only picked up because they spoofed an actual county number, and I work with county offices and regularly have to talk to them). The spammer was instantly flummoxed when I demanded he come to my location immediately and present the warrant for me to inspect. Then he hung up.

Honestly given that America is a terrifying police state, I actually kind of love the fiction of a world where the police have to call you first and tell you, hey, we're coming to arrest you, we'll be there in about thirty minutes, please don't go anywhere!

Hey so fun new scam just dropped! I got a call earlier today from someone spoofing the local police department's desk number, asking me if there was a reason I'd missed my jury summons this morning.

Friends, I had not received a jury summons for this month. Which I told him, at which point his previously clear diction suddenly turned into a rapid mumble, only becoming clear for scary words like 'federal' and then asking to confirm my address, at which point I hung up and decided to call the police department later.

When I called the police department the desk officer sounded so tired y'all. All I had to say was "Hey I got a call earlier saying I missed jury duty this morning?" and she immediately sighed and told me that yes it was a scam that was going around and thanked me for calling to confirm.

So this is your periodic reminder that law enforcement agencies will not call you to tell you that you're in trouble. If you need to pay a fine of some sort they will mail you a physical invoice. Anyone calling you saying they're from the police or any other law enforcement organization (up to the CIA and yes I have heard of scammers attempting to impersonate CIA agents over the phone) who then tries to get financial information from you over the phone is a scammer.

I know I actually bang on about this a weird amount, but it is my fervent hope that the information will stick in peoples' brains if they get randomly selected for the adrenaline spike lottery. Scammers use scary words to get you to panic in order to shut down your critical thinking, and if even one person's brain spits out "Tumblr user waterhobbit said the cops/CIA/federal marshalls don't call about this shit" before their bank account routing number is in the hands of assholes I will consider it a job well done.

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using therapyspeak but exclusively in utterly ridiculous situations where it makes no material difference because it's funny

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Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

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there's a point in your life on the internet where "oh, it's a weird sex thing" becomes reassuring. there's so many worse reasons that people do things. fly your flag mate

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Moby Dick

Gskgdkgdlgdg

Okay.

Moby Dick is immortal. Moby Dick cannot be killed. So trivially Moby Dick would not be killed in Castle Dracula.

But is that the same as surviving in Castle Dracula? Moby Dick is a whale - can he ontologically exist in Castle Dracula at all? Ishmael tells us that not only is Moby Dick immortal, he's also ubiquitous. Does that ubiquity extend out of the oceans into the Carpathians? On the one hand, Moby Dick is a whale, and whales are fish, and fish definitionally cannot leave the water - this is what excludes Walruses from the kingdom of the Cetaceans. But on the other hand, Ishmael also gives us examples of whales coming up onto land to attack cities, a la Porphyros, or devour princesses, a la Cetus. Whales and Dragons are one in the same, and St George was a whaleman - and what place is more appropriate for a dragon than a Castle? Particularly Castle Dracula - that is what the name means.

Hang on though - I have forgotten one crucial piece of the equation: Dracula himself. Anyone attempting to survive Castle Dracula is doing so as Dracula's invited guest. Dracula is not going to invite someone out to his Castle without providing adequate accommodation. Maybe he dug a sperm whale worthy swimming pool down in the crypt. Very fast way to full up 50 boxes of dirt.

I don't think it's likely that Moby Dick would accept the divine protection of the crucifix, but then again, he doesn't need to, he's plenty divine in his own right already. Either he's a God himself or he's the instrument of Divine Judgment - or both! Also he doesn't shave and has no neck. Also you apparently have to get through quite a lot of blubber before any blood comes out. From a vampirism perspective, Moby Dick is probably more trouble than he's worth.

All of that said - I honestly don't think Moby Dick would accept an invitation to Castle Dracula. Dracula has nothing he wants. He doesn't need a two bit satanist to be the Living Embodiment of Material Evil. Honestly Dracula wants what Moby Dick has. And besides, he's got a good thing going with Frankenstein's Creature. He's got his own whale stuff to do.

So in conclusion, obviously Moby Dick can survive Castle Dracula - he's immortal, ubiquitous, and divine. But he chooses not to, because he's got better things to do.

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