wingsoffury

[wingsoffury]

I Am A Wolf

Two days ago, I confirmed that I'm a Great Plains wolf!

I started questioning on August 1st! I knew that my theriotype was some sort of canine, but I was only able to narrow it down to a specific species by going through a list of canids.

With most species, there was usually something that didn't feel right. Either it was their appearance (wrong coat color, or too small), their diet (primarily preying on small mammals, heavily relying on fruit), or their environment.

When I confirmed my first theriotype 5 years ago, I knew that my fur color, as a winged wolf, should be white. Even though I eventually deconfirmed it, that noema (inherent knowledge about my possible theriotype) stayed mostly consistent. Therefore, if the species in question couldn't have a white coat, I ruled it out of my questioning.

As for diet, I experience the urge to hunt something medium-sized & cravings for red meat during my mental shifts. Since I haven't been journaling too consistently for the past few years, I don't have an exact idea of when these mental shifts started, but they are consistent enough for me to include while questioning! As I did my research, I concluded that hunting ungulates felt the most right to me. Therefore, canids that primarily prey on small mammals were ruled out of my questioning.

Onto the environment… This is also inherent knowledge I had about my theriotype. Forests feel the most like home to me. And so, if a species' range didn't include forests, I ruled them out.

One of the species that fit all of these points were grey wolves. Even though having a general species in mind was enough, habitat, fur color, and diet varies from subspecies to subspecies. So, I narrowed things down further to 2 subspecies:

Eastern wolf

Northwestern wolf

At this time, I wasn't aware of Great Plains wolves yet. During my research, I was unable to figure out if an eastern wolf could have a lighter coat or not. I knew for sure that Northwestern wolves could have light coats, but something about both of these subspecies didn't feel right, didn't feel like me.

Then, on August 15th, I discovered the Great Plains wolf! When I read "They were described as a large, light-colored wolf but with black and white varying between individual wolves, with some all white or all black" from the Wikipedia page about them, that immediately felt right! Not only appearance was right, but diet and environment too! Finally, I was finally able to put a name to the collection of experiences I had.

And on the 28th, I finally confirmed that I am a Great Plains wolf! I wanted to wait until the 31st so that it would officially be an entire month since I started questioning, but I think I've waited things out long enough?

Now, I just need to figure out if I'm still a winged wolf, a regular wolf, or somehow both? I felt my phantom wings for the first time in a while a week ago, so I'm thinking about it again. I haven't made much progress on figuring that out though, so I have no updates on that to write about ;;

Anyways, thank you all for reading!

[wingsoffury]

Art by Philipp A. Urlich

[wingsoffury]

anyone else think rainy days bring so much comfort to your soul? I don't know what it is, but it just pouring outside endlessly makes the canine in me feel so at peace and calm. i love rain

[wingsoffury]

uuuhmmm uuuuh

[wingsoffury]

Imitation Instinct

Humans have an urge to fit in, to conform.

I knew this, but a recent thought made me think… what if it's also an urge I experience as a result of being a Zoroark?

Quick disclaimer: I identify both as human and as my kintypes, so I reference being human a little in this journal.

According to Bulbapedia, Zoroark uses its illusions to protect its den and territory from prying eyes.

In Pokémon Scarlet/Violet, you might also find Zorua and Zoroark in the wild, but not in their true form! They're usually disguised as other Pokémon. From my perspective, this is so that they don't draw attention to themselves for safety.

When I first discovered that I was otherkin, I experienced a lot of flickers that I genuinely believed were kintypes. I really wanted to have my species figured out so that I could be confident in my identity, like others that I knew at the time. I was also motivated to figure things out because I wanted to find community (humans and Zoroark are social creatures, after all).

Because I'm physically human, I can't make illusions that others can see, but they do affect my personal experiences. They make me have various types of shifts, usually phantom, mental, or envisage (how I see myself in my mind's eye). In rare cases, I even got false exomemories from my illusions.

In hindsight, I now think of my flickers as times I got fooled by my own illusions. From my experience, I think being a Zoroark also makes me prone to experiencing flickers that are extremely difficult to determine the genuineness of. My desire to uncover what my true kintypes are also fuel the illusions. My illusions were supposed to trick others to protect me and my pack, but now they lead me astray.

Luckily, they aren't permanent. To discern kintypes and illusions, the only thing that works is time. And sometimes, I need quite a lot of it.

[wingsoffury]

My Alterhuman Journey

Hello!! For my second post, I thought I'd write an abridged timeline for my alterhuman journey! I wrote down only notable points in my journey & kintypes I still identify as now, since the others were flickers, or I didn't journal/post/blog about them at all on old accounts.

This post is… a bit long, I glimpsed a 1.5K wordcount as I was drafting this. So, the rest of the post will be visible under the cut!

On May 18th, 2019, I began identifying as a therian

Since childhood, I had been obsessed with wolves. I watched a lot of Wild Kratts when I was really young, and I suspect that my wolf-obsession might've started from the series' "Little Howler" episode?

Either way, I was really inspired to create. I started drawing so that I could depict the creature that I admired so much. I made my own xenofiction comic series about wolves. It was inspired by Warrior Cats, which I also really liked at the time. I really wish I knew where I could find those comics today.

Later on, when I was around 13, I recall having a dream where I was physically a wolf with white fur. I ran around in the deep snow around my school, then went away, deep into the woods, guided by another wolf. I don't have dreams very often, so I cherished and remembered this one for a long time.

When I would go to school, I felt phantom appendages that weren't really there. Pointed ears at the top of my head that would twitch and swivel to capture sounds. A tail that would swish as I walked. Folded, feathered wings that would impossibly clip into my backpack.

Eventually, I began searching online for what could be causing this, and I found Therian Guide. I learned about the terminology, and when I made an account, I wrote that I already suspected that I was an 'angel wolf' in my introduction. In the subsequent replies, someone introduced me to winged wolves, or pterolycus. I immediately jumped on it. That was me.

However, later in May, I went from calling a winged wolf a kintype, to calling it a copinglink. I can't understand my reasoning for this change, and I really wish I had been journaling at the time so that I could explain it.

My cycle of experiencing flickers, misinterpreting them as kintypes, and confirming them after questioning, only to deconfirm a week or two later began.

On November 8th, 2023, I discovered that I'm a Zoroark.

Please bear with me in this section; everything I'm about to say will tie into how I discovered I was a Zoroark.

In 2021, I identified as a fox-like creature for about a year. I thought that I was a kitsune, or sometimes I'd call myself a 'intelligent fox' instead. This was due to my impostor syndrome, because my phantom shifts only featured one tail instead of two or more. Despite this, I felt like I finally had finally found myself.

At some point, I stopped considering myself a kitsune, and started identifying as a Vastayan, a species from League of Legends. I was still a fox, just anthropomorphic instead of a quadruped. I still have art of what I believe this form looked like here. Other than that, I considered this kintype to be stable.

But in June 2022, my stable Vastayan fictotype suddenly became unstable. I shifted between feeling like a leonine Vastayan, like Rengar, to something werewolf-like, similar to Warwick multiple times a day. Eventually, it settled on being werewolf-like. You can see my art of this form here. I dubbed it a 'lycan vastaya'.

Due to this sudden change, I started looking into polymorphs again, and it felt right to describe the circumstances. I wasn't happy with it, admittedly… I wanted my identity to be stable, and I didn't want my kintype to be a creature that I felt was the exact opposite of it. However, I didn't know anything that fit better, so I stuck with the polymorph label for a while, in addition to calling myself a Vastayan.

Zoroark has its mane in a ponytail. Ever since I was young, I've always worn my hair in a ponytail because it was more comfortable to me.

This is a huge jump in time, but on November 4th, 2023, I made a short list of Pokemon that I'd like to be if it was possible to be one physically. Zoroark was on this list.

I had questioned quite a few Pokémon over the years, but like many of the other creatures I had questioned, they ended up being flickers. I was discouraged from being wrong so many times, but I still felt like I was somehow drawn to the Pokémon universe.

I found a bunch of similarities between me, my previous kintypes, and Zoroark:

Zoroark has red marks around its eyes, just like how my kitsune kintype did.

Zoroark is a facultative quadruped, like my previous lycan vastaya kintype. It walks on two legs, and gets on four legs to run. This is noemata I specifically had about my lycan vastaya 'type.

Zoroark imitates other Pokemon by using extremely realistic illusions.

Zoroark is based on kitsune, but it is also said on Bulbapedia that it "…also resembles a werewolf, due to the fact that it is an anthropomorphic canid with a propensity for shape-shifting".

And when I discovered that line, I suddenly realized that maybe it wasn't a coincidence that I was both a kitsune and a werewolf, one right after another? All of these similarities made me realize that I am a Zoroark. And that… maybe I'm not a polymorph, but a Zoroark who got lost in my own illusions. Ever since I made that realization, it feels like everything makes so much more sense.

On May 30th, 2023, I discovered Shyvana.

I was playing ARAM with my friends, a gamemode in League of Legends where you're assigned a random champion. I rerolled, and then I got Shyvana. I also got a random skin shard of her Ruined skin beforehand from a chest, so it was a perfect opportunity to try it.

By the time the game was over, I realized I loved playing this champion! I played her with an AP build, and that playstyle was so appealing to me! I was never obsessed with any other champion like I was with Shyv, and this persisted for months before I even considered that maybe this means something.

On January 12th, 2024, I discovered that I am Shyvana.

When I confirmed Zoroark, I no longer believed I was a Vastayan, and so any idea that I was from the League of Legends universe disappeared.

But when Smolder released, and I found out that someone discovered that they were him, it made me start wondering if I could be Shyvana, because I was still really obsessed with Shyvana and any new content including her. Again, no other champ (or characters in general, even) was like this for me. Any interest I had in a League of Legends champ usually faded after a week or two.

It's a bit too personal, so I can't list out every similarity, but Shyvana really fit the draconic feelings that I've noted since around 2021, when I thought I was dragonkin. In some skins, she even has a mix of fur and scales, exactly like what I had imagined my previous dragon kintype to have.

On August 1st, 2024, I began questioning wolves again.

I haven't confirmed anything yet - but I still have shifts that don't fit either Zoroark or Shyvana. I still have the same feelings of a set of ears and a tail that I've had since May 2019. And so, I started questioning from the Canid family (this was determined by a history of shifts, mental and phantom that I've had) and narrowed things down all the way to a subspecies.

I've done a lot of research in the past two weeks, so now I'm giving myself time away from what I'm questioning to figure out if this is a flicker or a kintype! :D

[wingsoffury]

hi there!

This is my new otherkin sideblog! My main blog (where I post art) is @zoroaku!

My name is Quinn, but you can also call me Shyvana :D my pronouns are they/them

I'm fictionkin, my fictotypes are Shyvana from League of Legends, and a Zoroark! I'm also currently questioning a Great Plains wolf.