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Incredible

this is so fucking funny

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Small Independent Deer Does Its Errands

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Small Independent Deer Does Its Errands

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Hey now, you’re an all star

listen to what I orchestrated

SoundCloud

YouTube

Instagram reel (please share directly from my own account)

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Part 2 of previous post

Part 1 here

A prince. What about the prince? The prince was also quite happy. Even though he did not feel a burning passion for his wife, but over time, after living together for many years, he learned to respect her and even loved her - a smooth and calm love. The princess was a sensible woman, well versed in politics and economics, and helped her husband as much as she could. With her one could talk about ancient art and dog hunting with equal ease. Calm and balanced, the princess became for the prince a reliable support, a real companion of life, a friend, next to whom he was always cozy and warm. When the kingdom was attacked by enemies and the prince's army was cut off from the capital, the princess stood on the city walls, commanding the militia. When their only daughter had scarlet fever, the prince and princess themselves took turns at her crib, changing compresses on her hot forehead. The couple shared their troubles and joys equally. And the prince was only glad that he had such a wife - even if not perfect, but still wonderful. The shepherdess was widowed early. Her husband died on the walls of the city, fighting in the militia, and she never married again, and raised her son alone. The son was just like his father - as thorough and serious. He looked like a saddler: tall and shouldered, but his face was more like his mother's, inheriting her green eyes and brown hair. When the boy grew up, he became a shepherd. The prince became a widower much later. Seeing off the coffin with the body of his wife, who died of some rare disease, the completely gray-haired prince did not hesitate to weep tears. He, too, never married again - he was unable to imagine another woman beside him than his princess. And besides, he believed that no stepmother could replace his daughter's dead mother. The daughter grew up little like her parents. There was something of her mother in her - red hair and pointed chin, something of her father - blue eyes and the shape of her ears, but all these features seemed to be her own, belonging to no one else, so skillfully they were combined. What can I say, the girl was a real beauty. So… Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess in one kingdom. And there lived in the same kingdom a simple shepherd… Of course, such a story can't end with anything but a happy ending.

Translted by DeepL, edited by me, wrote by Petr Bormor

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A tale that seeks a happy ending.

So I saw a post on the dash about how we only see "sad" stories about arranged marriages, but for some reason I couldn't reply or reblog to it, but I didn't want to lose the reply, so...

Petr Bormor, a beautiful author of short stories, has this short story that I feel single-handedly deconstructed the whole genre for me and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did:

A tale that seeks a happy ending.

This story took place in a small fairy-tale kingdom. It was considered a fairy tale kingdom purely nominally; the kingdom was so small that serious miracles never happened in it. So, all sorts of nonsense. In this kingdom, as usual, lived a prince. Not just him, of course, but the story will be about him. The prince, as it usually happens in fairy tales, loved a shepherdess. A pure and sublime platonic love. She reciprocated. That is, she also loved him secretly and from afar. And to say who she is and who he is! Only in fairy tales do common shepherdesses marry high-born men. And our kingdom, as we remember, though it was a fairy tale, it was not that fairy tale. And the shepherdess, as a clever and practical girl, did not count on such miracles. The prince was more optimistic. He hired a bunch of informants who studied the whole life of the shepherdess and made a complete psychological portrait of her for His Highness. And the prince realized that this was the kind of girl he wanted. For insurance, he turned to a famous sorceress (a foreign one, as there were none of his own in his native land), and the latter confirmed that, yes, indeed, of all the girls of suitable age, the shepherdess was the most preferable party for the prince. It is simply the ideal option. Of course, such a story could not end with anything but a happy ending. But for now, it's not over yet. The wedding was held in the spring. The shepherdess was not invited to it, but that's understandable - what would she do at a royal wedding? The prince married a princess from a neighboring kingdom. The princess was six years older than him, and her face was not that ugly, but nothing outstanding. Although, come to think of it, yes, she was ugly. Small of stature, freckled and nearsighted. But this marriage was extremely favorable to the two states, and what should a good ruler think about first of all, but the good of his native country? The parents of the prince and the princess had agreed everything in advance, when they were still children. And the prince knew perfectly well who his wife would be. But you can't stop dreaming, can you? The shepherdess married a couple of months later - to a saddler from a neighboring village. And she was quite happily married. When you think about it, she never met the prince. He remained for her a childish dream, something shining, not of this world. And her husband - here he was, caring, hard-working, moderately drinking, rarely beating - what else could a simple shepherdess want! Many of her friends were much less fortunate! And here she has her own house, and relative prosperity, and confidence in the future. And that the saddler is almost twice her age - so it's no big deal. But he loves her! He buys gingerbread. He takes her to the fair on holidays. Such happiness smiled on the shepherdess - I can't even believe it was without a miracle! (Part 2 next)

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Absolutely love the "Goblins and Witches" crossover episode

leave your laundry on the floor for them

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So, that looks surprisingly better. Because I don't like nebulous descriptions that I don't understand, I guess. Though I still need more details on these four, but it's something at least.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it "system maintenance" and see if that clicks.

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Just saw a Reddit writing prompt with this particular bouquet used. Fun that it’s also really cute!

Flower shop AU

Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says “How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?”

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Better than skub

lost in the moss

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Ahhh how can someone be so CUTE

I want to know where these two live so I could visit them someday and tell them that they are the goodest tanukis in the world.

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Right, hard to be conclusive about the cause of death but, uh…Well, it’s going to be plague, isn’t it?

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Either Win+R - calc - typetypetype - answer Or Fast open a calculator which is on first screen of both of my phones OR IF YOU CAUGHT ME WITH MY PANTS DOWN AND STILL WANT AN ANSWER Then I go like  40+20 = 60 then I have 7+8 that’s 10+5 that’s 15 and 60+15 that’s 75 and I have to do this fast and quiet or everyone will stare why did you have to do this to me why did my calculus teacher have to be such a twat

I love "how do you do math?" questions. Here's how my brain does it:

How about you guys?

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le mythe, la légende, j’ai nommé: pusheen, dictateur russe (fameux). 

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Ohhh Hi mom

Genres of Fun Parental Anecdotes™:

The time I publicly humiliated my kids for no reason, then forced them to apologise to me for the fact that it upset them; the way I’m telling this story makes it clear that I regard this as a positive experience which has deepened the bonds between us

The time I relentlessly badgered my kids into doing something they clearly didn’t care for until they pretended to enjoy it just to get me off their backs, which I will now cite as evidence that kids always falsely claim not to enjoy things they secretly love

The time I wildly misinterpreted something my kids told me and imposed a cartoonishly disproportionate punishment in response; I’m telling the story now because I later learned what was really going on, but have resolved never to admit it, and for some reason I think this is hilarious

The time I unaccountably refused to believe my kids about something they had no conceivable reason to lie about and which would have required very little effort on my part to verify, then acted like the vindication of their claim was just a wacky coincidence

The time I promised my kids something I never intended to follow through on, then put considerably more effort into punishing them for being disappointed at not getting it than it would have taken to just make good on my word in the first place; kids these days sure are entitled!

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“We do this every morning.”  Morning drink. by  KaceeRizzo